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Aug 12, 2015
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right, in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump said today that he has made up with fox news over his controversial comments towards megyn kelly. and if there's anything trump and fox are great at, it's making things up. [ laughter ] [ light laughter ] bristol palin announced on her blog today that she is supporting donald trump for president. she said she wasn't planning to, but it just kind of happened. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] hillary clinton pushed back against donald trump's claim that she went to his wedding because of donations. and said she actually attended because she thought it'd be fun. added hillary, "am i saying that right? fun?" [ laughter ] "i like to have fun." police in brazil are looking for hackers responsible for broadcasting 15 minutes worth of hardcore porn on monitors in a bus station. [ laughter ] the people in the brazilian bus station were disgusted, and then the porn came on. [ laught
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right, in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump said today that he has made up with fox news over his controversial comments towards megyn kelly. and if there's anything trump and fox are great at, it's making things up. [ laughter ] [ light laughter ] bristol palin announced on her blog today that she is supporting donald...
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Aug 22, 2015
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here's what happened. >> seth: hi, i'm seth meyers. >> and i'm josh meyers. >> seth: and we love being siblings, but we've always wanted more. today we fix it. ♪ >> seth: hey, can we ask you your name real quick? >> chaz. >> seth: chaz, if you had $1,000, what would you spend it on? >> all the candy in the world. [ laughter ] >> seth: all the candy in the world. yeah. what sort of candy would you spend it on? >> um -- gum. >> seth: chaz, where do you see yourself in five years? >> taller. [ laughter ] >> seth: what do you want to be when you grow up, chaz? >> a power ranger. >> seth: a power ranger. >> which i actually am because, um -- i saw this crystal on the bus. >> seth: okay. chaz, i feel like you should have opened with this, but keep going. [ laughter ] >> on my kindergarten bus, and it said "power ranger" on the top. >> seth: wow. can you tell us a joke you heard in school? >> knock, knock. >> seth: who's there? >> pig. >> seth: pig who? >> pig banana jokes. [ laughter ] >> i don't get it. >> i like it. >> seth: hi there. >> hi. >> seth: so nice to meet you. >> thank you. >>
here's what happened. >> seth: hi, i'm seth meyers. >> and i'm josh meyers. >> seth: and we love being siblings, but we've always wanted more. today we fix it. ♪ >> seth: hey, can we ask you your name real quick? >> chaz. >> seth: chaz, if you had $1,000, what would you spend it on? >> all the candy in the world. [ laughter ] >> seth: all the candy in the world. yeah. what sort of candy would you spend it on? >> um -- gum. >> seth:...
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Aug 28, 2015
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>> seth: sir barkington von doggy. >> seth meyers. >> seth: yeah. >> okay, i'm going to need to give you a temporary access code. >> seth: okay. >> ready? >> seth: yeah. >> seth: f-a-r-t-s-8-2. >> seth: farts 82? can i have something a little less embarrassing? >> sure, f-a-r-t-s-6-9. >> seth: farts 69? >> look, all you have to do is say it into the computer, sir. you can change it later. >> seth: okay, fine. can i at least get farts 82, then? >> nope, that one's taken now. thanks for using "big safe." >> this call was recorded and at your request, it has been sent to an asian agent. >> seth: no, i didn't request that. >> please say or enter your temporary access code. >> seth: f-a-r-t-s-6-9. >> farts 69? that's what you're going with? >> seth: hey, it was given to me by one of your customer service representatives. i tried to change it, but she said i couldn't. and when i tried to get farts 82 back she says that was gone. and look, i spent a lot of money for this safe. this is very stressful for me. i am just trying to finish a monologue, okay? all in all, it's just been a very diff
>> seth: sir barkington von doggy. >> seth meyers. >> seth: yeah. >> okay, i'm going to need to give you a temporary access code. >> seth: okay. >> ready? >> seth: yeah. >> seth: f-a-r-t-s-8-2. >> seth: farts 82? can i have something a little less embarrassing? >> sure, f-a-r-t-s-6-9. >> seth: farts 69? >> look, all you have to do is say it into the computer, sir. you can change it later. >> seth: okay, fine. can i at...
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Aug 4, 2015
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[ cheers & applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is good to hear. man oh man, it's an exciting week. it is an exciting week because we have our first g.o.p. debate coming up this week. a lot of republican polling in the news. donald trump, you guys -- donald trump still leading the republican polls -- [ light laughter ] with support from 19% of voters. of course it's only a matter of time before trump slips up and says something completely sane. [ laughter ] and once he says something completely sane, party is over. [ laughter ] this was incredible to me. a staffer for donald trump's campaign has been fired after it was discovered he made statements on facebook in 2007 calling president obama a socialist, marxist, islamo-facist, nazi appeaser. [ laughter ] well technically he was fired for leaving out muslim. [ laughter ] "can't leave out muslim. that's the big one." dr. dre has announced -- the great dr. dre has announced that he will release his first album in 15 years.
[ cheers & applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is good to hear. man oh man, it's an exciting week. it is an exciting week because we have our first g.o.p. debate coming up this week. a lot of republican polling in the news. donald trump, you guys -- donald trump still leading the republican polls -- [ light laughter ] with support from 19% of voters. of course it's...
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Aug 13, 2015
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. let's get to the news. donald trump said in a new interview that he believes his performance in the polls shows that he has not crossed the line of appro
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. let's get to the news. donald trump said in a new interview that he believes his performance in the polls shows that he has not crossed the line of appro
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night."
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night."
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i'm seth meyers. this iat
i'm seth meyers. this iat
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this
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Aug 11, 2015
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump is under fire for saying that during thursday's debate moderator, megyn kelly had, quote, "blood coming out of
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump is under fire for saying that during thursday's debate moderator, megyn kelly had, quote, "blood coming out of
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ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. let's get to the news. the latest cover of "time" magazine features donald trump with the phrase "deal with it." i can only assume by the look on trs
ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. let's get to the news. the latest cover of "time" magazine features donald trump with the phrase "deal with it." i can only assume by the look on trs
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. let's get to the news. when confronted by reporters yesterday about her ongoing e-mail scandal, hillary clinton had this to say. >> i -- i'm -- i'm not -- you know, i n'
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. let's get to the news. when confronted by reporters yesterday about her ongoing e-mail scandal, hillary clinton had this to say. >> i -- i'm -- i'm not -- you know, i n'
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] glad to hear it. in that case, let's get to the news. the teen choice awards were last night and before you accuse teens of having terrible taste, remember who's still leading the adult's choi
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] glad to hear it. in that case, let's get to the news. the teen choice awards were last night and before you accuse teens of having terrible taste, remember who's still leading the adult's choi
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[ cheers & applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and appla]
[ cheers & applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and appla]
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i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. good to hear it. let's get to the news. donald trump said this weekend that while he doesn't think workers should be fired for being gay, he still does not support marriage equality. he believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman and then a younger woman and then an even younger woman. [ laughter and applause ] donald trump told reporters yesterday that it would be very easy to round up all undocumented immigrants. but remember, this is the guy who couldn't even round up real celebrities. [ laughter and applause ] [ trump impression ] they're famous-ish. they're all famous-ish. [ laughter ] presidential hopeful lindsey graham said this week, that donald trump is, "like the almighty oz because there is nothing behind the curtain." [ light laughter ] and lindsey graham should know because lindsey graham is a member of the lollipop guild. [ laughter ] [ lindsey graham impression ] "i'm a member of the lollipop guild. i'm lindsey graham an
i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. good to hear it. let's get to the news. donald trump said this weekend that while he doesn't think workers should be fired for being gay, he still does not support marriage equality. he believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman and then a younger woman and then an even younger woman. [ laughter and applause ] donald trump told reporters yesterday that it would be...
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i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. good to hear it. let's get to the news. donald trump said this weekend that while he doesn't think workers should be fired for being gay, he still does not support marriage equality.
i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. good to hear it. let's get to the news. donald trump said this weekend that while he doesn't think workers should be fired for being gay, he still does not support marriage equality.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good. that is good to hear. you know what? guys, it's a good time to be paying attention to politics. because sometimes politics can be a little bit dry and it can be a little bit boring. and it's like, "oh, there's a new deal with iran." you're like, "oh, that's boring. i don't want to know." but then, someone like donald trump runs for president -- [ laughter ] -- and then it's super, super fun. it's so much fun for everybody except everybody else who is running for president. because you can tell they're like, "this is very serious." and he's like, "no, it's not. i'm not serious. and i'm winning!" and they're like -- [ groaning ] [ applause ] it's true. it's true. these poor people are like, "i was a senator!" and we're all like, "we hate senators! we like the funny guys." [ laughter ] it keeps getting better. at a campaign event today, donald trump read -- he read senator lindsey graham's cell phone number aloud on live on tv
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good. that is good to hear. you know what? guys, it's a good time to be paying attention to politics. because sometimes politics can be a little bit dry and it can be a little bit boring. and it's like, "oh, there's a new deal with iran." you're like, "oh, that's boring. i don't want to know." but then,...
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right, in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump said today that he has made up with fox news over his controversial comments towards megyn kelly. and if there's anything trump anx
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right, in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump said today that he has made up with fox news over his controversial comments towards megyn kelly. and if there's anything trump anx
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stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. buh-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- ice-t and coco -- from "pretty little liars," actress lucy hale -- from "review," actor/comedian andy daly. featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evenin
stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. buh-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- ice-t and coco -- from "pretty little liars," actress lucy hale -- from "review," actor/comedian andy daly. featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here...
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stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- kristen wiig. from "unbeakable kimmy schmidt," actor tituss burgess. the creator of hbo's "show me a hero," writer david simon. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. what's up guys. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case let's get to the news. donald trump gave a speech yesterday where he accused jeb bush and hillary clinton as being under the control of lobbyists, special interests and deep pocketed donors.
stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- kristen wiig. from "unbeakable kimmy schmidt," actor tituss burgess. the creator of hbo's "show me a hero," writer david simon. featuring the 8g band with fred...
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stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jason segel from "fantastic four" actor michael b. jordan music from big sean featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, every.
stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jason segel from "fantastic four" actor michael b. jordan music from big sean featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and...
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Aug 18, 2015
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] glad to hear it. in that case, let's get to the news. the teen choice awards were last night and before you accuse teens of having terrible taste, remember who's still leading the adult's choice awards. [ laughter and applause ] still leading. still comfortably ahead in the adult's choice awards. donald trump's camaign published a full policy paper on immigration yesterday, here is the full text of that paper. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he wrote it himself. donald trump's new policy paper would not give automatic citizenship to children born in america if they he have foreign parents. said trump, nothing personal, sasha and malia. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] [ trump impression ] "i like you, i do. i think you're top notch. rules are rules. if i make an exception for you, i have to make an exception for everyone." [ laughter ] new jersey governor chris christie said today that hillary clinton's arrogance is breathtaking
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] glad to hear it. in that case, let's get to the news. the teen choice awards were last night and before you accuse teens of having terrible taste, remember who's still leading the adult's choice awards. [ laughter and applause ] still leading. still comfortably ahead in the adult's choice awards. donald trump's camaign published...
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>> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. good to hear. now as you heard yesterday, president obama announced a big nuclear deal with iran and it turns out now that some economic sanctions are being lifted, iranian citizens are apparently clamoring. clamoring for western products like iphones. and i'm thinking we should have just sent them iphones in the first place. then they'd never get any work done on a nuclear weapon. [ laughter and applause ] never. "no. no, i can't do that now, i'm doing candy crush. no, you build the centrifuge. i'm doing this. i'm on 800. it's a good level. it's a level. [ light laughter ] i don't want to explain it to you now. i just got this." [ light laughter ] bernie sanders, we're all familiar with bernie sanders. he is running for president and his campaign reported earlier today that it has raised more than $15 million during the second quarter of this year. sanders was able to raise most of that money by selling the design
>> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. good to hear. now as you heard yesterday, president obama announced a big nuclear deal with iran and it turns out now that some economic sanctions are being lifted, iranian citizens are apparently clamoring. clamoring for western products like iphones. and i'm thinking we should have just sent them iphones in the first place. then they'd...
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] you know, there's a lot of talk about the 2016 presidential election. and there's been a lot of talk about all the republican candidates. hillary clinton, you know, she's also running. you hear less about her, she's not giving a lot of interviews. that's one of the criticisms. she hasn't been giving a lot of interviews because, i think, she's looking out at everyone else who's running for president, and she's thinking, if i keep my mouth shut, i think i've got this thing. [ laughter ] i can't wait for the debates. they'll ask her questions, and she'll be like, i dunno. [ laughter ] she did -- she gave some statements, and hillary clinton revealed today, hillary clinton revealed today she thinks her biggest weakness is her impatience. said the interviewer, "mrs. clinton, i haven't asked you anything yet." [ laughter ] hillary also said today that her greatest strength is her passionate commitment to helping people. for instance, th
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] you know, there's a lot of talk about the 2016 presidential election. and there's been a lot of talk about all the republican candidates. hillary clinton, you know, she's also running. you hear less about her, she's not giving a lot of interviews. that's one of the criticisms. she hasn't been giving a lot of interviews because, i think,...
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. every day, i get to come out here, and every day, i get to give everybody more news about donald trump, and it's so -- it's reached the point now where the other candidates, the only issue anyone wants to hear their position on is what they're currently thinking about donald trump. so they have all this stuff they want to stay about running the country, and i feel like every time another candidate does another interview, they say, "what do you think about the whole donald trump thing?" [ laughter ] i feel bad for them, but -- i feel good for me. [ laughter ] i'm happy for me, because it is so wonderful and hilarious that donald trump is a -- he's a frontrunner. the f.e.c. today just released his finances, because you have to turn over your finances. fascinating. he has an energy drink in israel. there's a trump branded energy drink in israel. [ light laughter ] it's a real thing. the -- serta mattresses, they pay him
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. every day, i get to come out here, and every day, i get to give everybody more news about donald trump, and it's so -- it's reached the point now where the other candidates, the only issue anyone wants to hear their position on is what they're currently thinking about donald trump. so they have all this stuff...
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] so exciting. such an exciting night. tomorrow, i'm so excited about tomorrow night. the first gop debate, are people excited about this? [ cheers and applause ] i cannot wait. this will be the greatest episode of a reality show i feel like i've ever seen, possibly any of us have ever seen. and it's great, because i feel like right now all the candidates are preparing for the debate. and any other year they would be getting drilled on their policy and the kind of questions they could be asked. but i feel like nine of them right now are just saying like, how do you deal with donald trump? [ laughter ] i feel like that's all -- i remember, i went camping once. before we went camping, a park ranger told us what to do if you saw a bear and i feel like that's the instructions -- [ laughter ] -- they're probably getting right now. it's just, you know, "make a lot of noise. if he sees you, make yourself as big as possible." [ cheers and a
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] so exciting. such an exciting night. tomorrow, i'm so excited about tomorrow night. the first gop debate, are people excited about this? [ cheers and applause ] i cannot wait. this will be the greatest episode of a reality show i feel like i've ever seen, possibly any of us have ever seen. and it's great, because i feel like...
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i'm seth meyers. this is ate night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to know. there has been a lot of talk about this presidential election we're having. it's coming up. people can't stop talking about it. it's real important, you guys. and we are just two weeks away from the first republican debate. just two weeks away, which means we will finally -- we will finally get a chance to hear what donald trump thinks. [ laughter ] no more playing it coy, donald. "i have some things to say about mexicans but not yet." [ laughter ] "you'll have to wait until the debates." [ laughter ] donald trump said this weekend that he is self-financing his campaign and is not beholden to donors and special interests or other nations or his party or the wealthy or middle class, poor people, citizens, voters, humans, plants, or animals. so, he's good. he's his own man. "i'll tell you what i'd do to china." [ laughter ] "but not today." [ laughter ] "i'll see you at the debate." [ laughter ] this was kind of unbelievable, hillary clinton said th
i'm seth meyers. this is ate night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to know. there has been a lot of talk about this presidential election we're having. it's coming up. people can't stop talking about it. it's real important, you guys. and we are just two weeks away from the first republican debate. just two weeks away, which means we will finally -- we will finally get a chance to hear what donald trump thinks. [ laughter ] no more playing it coy, donald....
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. let's get to the news. when confronted by reporters yesterday about her ongoing e-mail scandal, hillary clinton had this to say. >> i -- i'm -- i'm not -- you know, i don't -- i have no idea. that's why we turned it over. >> you were in charge of it. you were the official in charge of it. did you wipe the server? >> what like with a cloth or something? [ laughter ] i don't know how it works digitally at all. [ audience ohs ] >> seth: i -- [ laughter ] i mean, i haven't seen hillary awkwardly dance like that since -- well, since earlier this week. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and by the way -- by the way, hillary, if you're trying to convince people of your innocence, you really picked the wrong outfit. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] so it was a rough outing for hillary. but there is some good news, at least she didn't have the worst e-mail scandal of the week. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] g
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. let's get to the news. when confronted by reporters yesterday about her ongoing e-mail scandal, hillary clinton had this to say. >> i -- i'm -- i'm not -- you know, i don't -- i have no idea. that's why we turned it over. >> you were in charge of it. you were the official in charge of it. did you...
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Aug 1, 2015
08/15
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is wonderful to hear. espn had the espys last night. i don't know if anybody watched the espys, the espn sports awards. [ cheers and applause ] a wonderful show. caitlyn jenner was given the arthur ashe award for courage at last night's espy awards. caitlyn received the award for spending 24 years married to kris jenner. [ laughter and applause ] i don't know if i could do it. i don't know if i have that kind of courage. ted cruz -- ted cruz said this week that he is a big fan of donald trump. he is a big fan of donald trump. so if there's one thing donald trump should try to avoid, it's big fans. [ laughter ] "are there any fans in here? i don't go into any rooms if there are any big fans." [ light laughter ] this is amazing. president obama -- i actually couldn't believe this. president obama today became the first sitting u.s. president to visit a federal prison. and for a brief moment there was some real excitement over a
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is wonderful to hear. espn had the espys last night. i don't know if anybody watched the espys, the espn sports awards. [ cheers and applause ] a wonderful show. caitlyn jenner was given the arthur ashe award for courage at last night's espy awards. caitlyn received the award for spending 24 years married to kris jenner....
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Aug 29, 2015
08/15
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] all right. good to hear. good to hear. you guys, tonight was the first g.o.p. republican debate. and it's a little weird for me tonight because we taped before it happened. [ light laughter ] so if you're watching this right now you know so much more than i know, and i am so jealous of you. i also am upset because i realize that some of you may have tuned in so excited to hear what we had to say about it. you watched the debate and you said, "i can't wait to watch 'late night.' i'm sure they're gonna have a joke about that moment where chris christie took a swing at donald trump." [ laughter ] and trump like ducked him and took out a switchblade and said, "i'm ready for you, you son of a bitch." [ laughter ] and then all the other nine surrounded trump and it was like a scene like in "kill bill" where they went at uma thurman one at a time and she just dispatched them. i don't have a joke about that because i don't know if that happened. i onl
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] all right. good to hear. good to hear. you guys, tonight was the first g.o.p. republican debate. and it's a little weird for me tonight because we taped before it happened. [ light laughter ] so if you're watching this right now you know so much more than i know, and i am so jealous of you. i also am upset because i realize that some of...
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Aug 21, 2015
08/15
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ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. let's get to the news. the latest cover of "time" magazine features donald trump with the phrase "deal with it." i can only assume by the look on trump's face that the "it" is a kidney stone. [ cheers and applause ] and by the way "deal with it" is also the full text of donald trump's wedding vows. [ laughter ] donald trump said last night that jeb bush is totally out of touch on women's health issues. which is kind of like jared fogle telling you you're creepy. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] wait, did something happen with jared? [ laughter ] donald trump said in a new interview that he is so popular with voters because he is definitely not a puppet. i'll buy that. puppets have way more realistic hair. [ laughter and applause ] according to a new survey, 17% of adult smart phone owners use auto deleting apps like snap chat and wicker. "yeah, that's what happened," said hillary clinton. [ laughte
ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. let's get to the news. the latest cover of "time" magazine features donald trump with the phrase "deal with it." i can only assume by the look on trump's face that the "it" is a kidney stone. [ cheers and applause ] and by the way "deal with it" is...
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Aug 11, 2015
08/15
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump is under fire for saying that during thursday's debate moderator, megyn kelly had, quote, "blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever." [ laughter ] come on, trump, so if you're going to say something offensive, just come out and say it. [ light laughter ] don't be such a wherever. [ laughter ] donald trump's top strategist has stepped down after trump seemed to imply last week that megyn kelly was menstruating during the debate. even more shocking, donald trump has had a campaign strategist this entire time! [ laughter ] there was a guy in charge of this. [ applause ] he looked after all of this and said, "yeah, this is all great." [ light laughter ] president obama began a 17 day vacation on martha's vineyard on friday. he plans to enjoy the weather, play some golf, and then watch the republican debate over and over and over again. [ laughter ] sas
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump is under fire for saying that during thursday's debate moderator, megyn kelly had, quote, "blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever." [ laughter ] come on, trump, so if you're going to say something offensive, just come out and say...
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Aug 14, 2015
08/15
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featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. what's up guys. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case let's get to the news. donald trump gave a speech yesterday where he accused jeb bush and hillary clinton as being under the control of lobbyists, special interests and deep pocketed donors. trump says we should vote for him because he is not under control at all. [ laughter ] despite no longer working for donald trump, former campaign strategist roger stone said today that he still fully supports his former boss at which point trump said, "okay, cut him down." [ laughter ] "i knew you would come around to our way of thinking." speaking of trump, he gave a speech yesterday where he said this. >> jeb bush or hillary or one of these politicians, all talk, no action. all controlled by lobbyists and special interest and donors. people like me from previous months okay. total control. bing, bing, bong, bing, bing, bing. you know what that is?" [ laugh
featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. what's up guys. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case let's get to the news. donald trump gave a speech yesterday where he accused jeb bush and hillary clinton as being under the control of lobbyists, special interests and deep pocketed donors. trump says we should vote for him because he is...
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Aug 18, 2015
08/15
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seth meyers, fred armisen and bill hader. >> and a big day for bargain hunters. up to 80% off jewelry, toys and more. it's jill with another epic steals & deals. . al, we announced monday you are ready for what's described as an epic adventure. >> i'm excited about this. we are teaming up with the travel channel to give lucky viewers the trip of a lifetime. two fans from on the plaza will join me on what we are calling an epic adventure. if you are coming to see us tomorrow, bring your passport. >> they leave from here? >> we are leaving from here. bring your passports. go to today.com/visit to rsvp. >> do they know where they are going? >> they don't know and i don't know. >> did you pack a suitcase with clothes? >> just pack a suitcase and we'll steal clothes from other people. >> a 24-hour adventure? >> more than that. >> we have a lot of questions. >> they will all be answered tomorrow. >> prepare for a couple of days. >> we are blindfolding people. it will be unbelievable. in fact, we are picking people off the plaza against their will. >> don't bring your p
seth meyers, fred armisen and bill hader. >> and a big day for bargain hunters. up to 80% off jewelry, toys and more. it's jill with another epic steals & deals. . al, we announced monday you are ready for what's described as an epic adventure. >> i'm excited about this. we are teaming up with the travel channel to give lucky viewers the trip of a lifetime. two fans from on the plaza will join me on what we are calling an epic adventure. if you are coming to see us tomorrow,...