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Aug 25, 2015
08/15
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. every day, i get to come out here, and every day, i get to give everybody more news about donald trump, and it's so -- it's reached the point now where the other candidates, the only issue anyone wants to hear their position on is what they're currently thinking a ut donald trump. so they have all this stuff they want to stay about running the country, and i feel like every time another candidate does another interview, ty say, "what do you think about the whole dotald tllrump thing?" [ laughter ] i feel bad for them, but -- i feel good for me. [ laughter ] i'm happy for me, because it is so wonderful and hilarious that donald trump is a -- he's a frontrunner. the f.e.c. today just released his finances, because you have to turn over your finances. fascinating. he has an energy drink in israel. there's a trump branded energy drink in israel. [ light laughter ] it's a real thing. the -- serta mattresses, they pay him
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. every day, i get to come out here, and every day, i get to give everybody more news about donald trump, and it's so -- it's reached the point now where the other candidates, the only issue anyone wants to hear their position on is what they're currently thinking a ut donald trump. so they have all this stuff they...
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Aug 6, 2015
08/15
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and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] so exciting. such an exciting night. tomorrow, i'm so excited about tomorrow night. the first gop debate, are people excited about this? [ cheers and applause ] i cannot wait. this will be the greatest episode of a reality show i feel like i've ever seen, possibly any of us have ever seen. and it's great, because i feel like right now all the candidates are preparing for the debate. and any other year they would be getting drilled on their policy and the kind of questions they could be asked. but i feel like nine of them right now are just saying like, how do you deal with donald trump? [ laughter ] i feel like that's all -- i remember, i went camping once. before we went camping, a park ranger told us what to do if you saw a bear and i feel like [ laughter ] -- they're probably getting right now. it's just, you know, "make a lot of noise. if he sees you, make yourself as [ cheers and applaus
and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] so exciting. such an exciting night. tomorrow, i'm so excited about tomorrow night. the first gop debate, are people excited about this? [ cheers and applause ] i cannot wait. this will be the greatest episode of a reality show i feel like i've ever seen, possibly any of us have ever seen. and...
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Aug 27, 2015
08/15
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] you know, there's a lot of talk about the 2016 presidential election. and there's been a lot of talk about all the republican candidates. hillary clinton, you know, she's also running. you hear less about her, she's not giving a lot of interviews. that's one of the criticisms. she hasn't been giving a lot of interviews because, i think, she's looking out at everyone else who's running for president, and she's thinking, if i keep my mouth shut, i think i've got this thing. [ laughter ] i can't wait for the debates. they'll ask her questions, and she'll be like, i dunno. [ laughter ] she did -- she gave some statements, and hillary clinton revealed today, hillary clinton revealed today she thinks her biggest weakness is her impatience. said the interviewer, "mrs. clinton, i haven't asked you anything yet." [ laughter ] hillary also said today that her greatest strength is her passionate commitment to helping people. for instance, th
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] you know, there's a lot of talk about the 2016 presidential election. and there's been a lot of talk about all the republican candidates. hillary clinton, you know, she's also running. you hear less about her, she's not giving a lot of interviews. that's one of the criticisms. she hasn't been giving a lot of interviews because, i think,...
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Aug 26, 2015
08/15
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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to know. there has been a lot of talk about this presidential election we're having. it's coming up. people can't stop talking about it. it's real important, you guys. and we are just two weeks away from the first republican debate. just two weeks away, which means we will finally -- we will finally get a chance to hear what donald trump thinks. [ laughter ] no more playing it coy, donald. "i have some things to say about mexicans but not yet." [ laughter ] "you'll have to wait until the debates." [ laughter ] donald trump said this weekend that he is self-financing his campaign and is not beholden to donors and special interests or other nations or his party or the wealthy or middle class, poor people, citizens, voters, humans, plants, or animals. so, he's good. he's his own man. "i'll tell you what i'd do to china." [ laughter ] "but not today." [ laughter ] "i'll see you at the debate." [ laughter ] t
[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to know. there has been a lot of talk about this presidential election we're having. it's coming up. people can't stop talking about it. it's real important, you guys. and we are just two weeks away from the first republican debate. just two weeks away, which means we will finally -- we will finally...
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Aug 28, 2015
08/15
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful, wonderful! let's start tonight with some birthday wishes. happy birthday to president obama, who turns 54 today. [ cheers and applause ] they lit the candles. this is what i heard. they lit the candles on his birthday cake, then he remembered that obamacare was upheld, the confederate flag came down and trump is the republican frontrunner, and he couldn't think of a wish. [ laughter and applause ] all his wishes are gone! a good time for him. donald trump, you heard of him, donald trump said recently that he believes he would be a great [ laughter ] for example, every morning he manages to unite the hair on the right side of his head with the hair on the -- you guys get it. you get what he unites. they announced the ten gop candidates that will be -- that made the cut to be the first debate on thursday on fox news, the first gop debate. very sadly, rick perry did not make the cut. he fininished 11th. tough day for rick
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful, wonderful! let's start tonight with some birthday wishes. happy birthday to president obama, who turns 54 today. [ cheers and applause ] they lit the candles. this is what i heard. they lit the candles on his birthday cake, then he remembered that obamacare was upheld, the confederate flag came down and trump is the...
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Aug 15, 2015
08/15
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fr>> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. good to hear. now as you heard yesterday, president obama announced a big clear deal with iran and it turns out now that some economic sanctions are being lifted, iranian citizens are apparently clamoring. clamoring for western products like iphonhs. and im thinking we should have just sent them iphphes in the fiilrst place. then they'd never get any work done on a nuclear weapon. [ laughter and applause ] never. "no. no, i can't do that now, i'm doing candy crush. no, you build the centrifuge. i'm doing this. i'm on 800. it's a good level. it's a level. [ light laughter ] i don't want to explain it to you now. i just got this." light laughter ] bernie sanders, we're all familiar with bernie sanders. he is running for president and his campaign reported earlier today thatmit has raised more an $15 million during the second quarter of this y r. sanders was able to raise most of that money by selling the design for th
fr>> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. good to hear. now as you heard yesterday, president obama announced a big clear deal with iran and it turns out now that some economic sanctions are being lifted, iranian citizens are apparently clamoring. clamoring for western products like iphonhs. and im thinking we should have just sent them iphphes in the fiilrst place. then they'd...
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Aug 4, 2015
08/15
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[ cheers & applause ] >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is good to hear. man oh man, it's an exciting week. it is an exciting week because we have our first g.o.p. debate coming up this week. a lot of republican polling in the news. donald trump, you guys -- donald trump still leading the republican polls -- [ light laughter ] with support from 19% of voters. of course it's only a matter of time before trump slips up and says something completely sane. [ laughter ] and once he says something completely sane, party is over. [ laughter ] this was incredible to me. a staffer for donald trump's campaign has been fired after it was discovered he made statements on facebook in 2007 calling president obama a socialist, marxist, islamo-facist, nazi appeaser. [ laughter ] well technically he was fired for leaving out muslim. [ laughter ] "can't leave out muslim. that's the big one." dr. dre has announced -- the great dr. dre has announced that he will release his first album in 15 years.
[ cheers & applause ] >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is good to hear. man oh man, it's an exciting week. it is an exciting week because we have our first g.o.p. debate coming up this week. a lot of republican polling in the news. donald trump, you guys -- donald trump still leading the republican polls -- [ light laughter ] with support from 19% of voters. of course it's...
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Aug 21, 2015
08/15
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ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. let's get to the news. the latest cover of "time" magazine features donald trump with the phrase "deal with it." i can only assume by the look on trump's face that the "it" is a kidney stone. [ cheers and applause ] and by the way "deal with it" is also the full text of donald trump's wedding vows. [ laughter ] donald trump said last night that jeb bush is totally out of touch on women's health issues. which is kind of like jared fogle telling you you're creepy. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] wait, did something happen with jared? [ laughter ] donald trump said in a new interview that he is so popular with voters because he is definitely not a puppet. i'll buy that. puppets have way more realistic hair. [ laughter and applause ] according to a new survey, 17% of adult smart phone owners use auto deleting apps like snap chat and wicker. "yeah, that's what happened," said hillary clinton. [ laughte
ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. let's get to the news. the latest cover of "time" magazine features donald trump with the phrase "deal with it." i can only assume by the look on trump's face that the "it" is a kidney stone. [ cheers and applause ] and by the way "deal with it" is also...
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Aug 7, 2015
08/15
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] all right. good to hear. good to hear. you guys, tonight was the first g.o.p. republican debate. and it's a little weird for me tonight because we taped before it happened. [ light laughter ] so if you're watching this right now you know so much more than i know, and i am so jealous of you. i also am upset because i realize that some of you may have tuned in so excited to hear what we had to say about it. you watched the debate and you said, "i can't wait to watch 'late night.' i'm sure they're gonna have a chris christie took a swing at [ laughter ] and trump like ducked him and took out a switchblade and said, bitch." [ laughter ] and then all the other nine surrounded trump and it was like a scene like in "kill bill" where they went at uma thurman one at a time and she just dispatched them. i don't have a joke about that because i don't know if that happened. i only hope it did. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: fingers crossed,
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] all right. good to hear. good to hear. you guys, tonight was the first g.o.p. republican debate. and it's a little weird for me tonight because we taped before it happened. [ light laughter ] so if you're watching this right now you know so much more than i know, and i am so jealous of you. i also am upset because i realize that some of you...
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Aug 18, 2015
08/15
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] glad to hear it. in that case, let's get to the news. the teen choice awards were last night and before you accuse teens of having terrible taste, remember who's still leading the adult's choice awards. [ laughter and applause ] still leading. still comfortably ahead in the adult's choice awards. donald trump's camaign published a full policy paper on immigration yesterday, here is the full text of that paper. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he wrote it himself. donald trump's new policy paper would not give automatic citizenship to children born in america if they he have foreign parents. said trump, nothing personal, sasha and malia. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] [ trump impression ] "i like you, i do. i think you're top notch. rules are rules. if i make an exception for you, i have to make an exception for everyone." [ laughter ] new jersey governor chris christie said today that hillary clinton's arrogance is breathtaking
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] glad to hear it. in that case, let's get to the news. the teen choice awards were last night and before you accuse teens of having terrible taste, remember who's still leading the adult's choice awards. [ laughter and applause ] still leading. still comfortably ahead in the adult's choice awards. donald trump's camaign published...
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Aug 19, 2015
08/15
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ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. good to hear it. let's get to the news. donald trump said this weekend that while he doesn't think workers should be fired for being gay, he still does not support marriage equality. he believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman and then a younger woman and then an even younger woman. [ laughter and applause ] donald trump told reporters yestery rhat it would very easy to round up all undocumented immigrants. but remember, this is the guy who couldn't even round up real celebrities. [ lauger and applause ] [ trump impression ] they're famous-ish. they're all famous-ish. [ laughter ] preskdential hopeful lindsey graham said this week, that donald trump is, "like the almighty oz because there is nothing behind the curtain." [ light laughter ] and lindsey graham should know because lindsey graham is a member of the lollipop guild. [ laughter ] [ lindsey graham impress
ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. good to hear it. let's get to the news. donald trump said this weekend that while he doesn't think workers should be fired for being gay, he still does not support marriage equality. he believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman and then a younger woman and then an...
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Aug 11, 2015
08/15
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump is under fire for saying that during thursday's debate moderator, megyn kelly had, quote, "blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever." [ laughter ] come on, trump, so if you're going to say something offensive, just come out and say it. [ light laughter ] don't be such a wherever. [ laughter ] donald trump's top strategist has stepped down after trump seemed to imply last week that megyn kelly was menstruating during the debate. even more shocking, donald trump has had a campaign strategist this entire time! [ laughter ] there was a guy in charge of this. [ applause ] he looked after all of this and said, "yeah, this is all great." [ light laughter ] president obama began a 17 day vacation on martha's vineyard on friday. he plans to enjoy the weather, play some golf, and then watch the republican debate over and over and over again. [ laughter ] sas
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump is under fire for saying that during thursday's debate moderator, megyn kelly had, quote, "blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever." [ laughter ] come on, trump, so if you're going to say something offensive, just come out and say it. [...
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Aug 20, 2015
08/15
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. let's get to the news. when confronted by reporters yesterday about her ongoing e-mail scandal, hillary clinton had this to say. >> i -- i'm -- i'm not -- you know, i don't -- i have no idea. that's why we turned it over. >> you were in charge of it. you were the official in charge of it. did you wipe the server? >> what like with a cloth or something? [ laughter ] i don't know how it works digitally at all. [ audience ohs ] >> seth: i -- [ laughter ] i mean, i haven't seen hillary awkwardly dance like that since -- well, since earlier this week. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and by the way -- by the way, hillary, if you're trying to convince people of your innocence, you really picked the wrong outfit. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] so it was a rough outing for hillary. but there is some good news, at least she didn't have the worst e-mail scandal of the week. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] got i
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. let's get to the news. when confronted by reporters yesterday about her ongoing e-mail scandal, hillary clinton had this to say. >> i -- i'm -- i'm not -- you know, i don't -- i have no idea. that's why we turned it over. >> you were in charge of it. you were the official in charge of it. did you...
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Aug 1, 2015
08/15
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is wonderful to hear. espn had the espys last night. i don't know if anybody watched the espys, the espn sports awards. [ cheers and applause ] a wonderful show. caitlyn jenner was given the arthur ashe award for courage at last night's espy awards. caitlyn received the award for spending 24 years married to kris jenner. [ laughter and applause ] i don't know if i could do it. i don't know if i have that kind of courage. ted cruz -- ted cruz said this week that he is a big fan of donald trump. he is a big fan of donald trump. so if there's one thing donald trump should try to avoid, it's big fans. [ laughter ] "are there any fans in here? i don't go into any rooms if there are any big fans." [ light laughter ] this is amazing. president obama -- i actually couldn't believe this. president obama today became the first sitting u.s. president to visit a federal prison. and for a brief moment there was some real excitement over a
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is wonderful to hear. espn had the espys last night. i don't know if anybody watched the espys, the espn sports awards. [ cheers and applause ] a wonderful show. caitlyn jenner was given the arthur ashe award for courage at last night's espy awards. caitlyn received the award for spending 24 years married to kris jenner. [...
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Aug 29, 2015
08/15
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stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. buh-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- ice-t and coco -- from "pretty little liars," actress lucy hale -- from "review," actor/comedian andy daly. featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening, everybody. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] good to hear. good to hear. you guys, tonight was the first g.o.p. republican debate. and it's a little weird for me tonight because we taped before it happened. [ light laughter ] so if you're watching this right now you know so much more than i know, and i am so jealous of you. i also am upset because i realize that some of you may have tuned in so excited to hear what we had to say about it. you watched the debate and you said, "i can't wait to watch 'late night.' i'm sure they're gonna have a joke about that moment
stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. buh-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- ice-t and coco -- from "pretty little liars," actress lucy hale -- from "review," actor/comedian andy daly. featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is,...
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Aug 8, 2015
08/15
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stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. buh-bye, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- adam andler, comedienne margaret cho, music from modest mouse. featuring the 8g band with david lovering. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm senh meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good. that is good to hear. you know what? guys, it's a good time t be paying attention to politics. because sometimes politics can be a little bit dry and it can be a little bit boring. and it's like, "oh, there's a new deal with iran." you're like, "oh, that's boring. i don't want to know." but then, someone like donald trump runs for president -- [ laug er ] -- and then it's super, super fun. exce pt everybody else who is running for president. because you can tell they're and
stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. buh-bye, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- adam andler, comedienne margaret cho, music from modest mouse. featuring the 8g band with david lovering. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and...
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Aug 14, 2015
08/15
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stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye everybody! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- kristen wiig. from "unbeakable kimmy schmidt," actor tituss burgess. the creator of hbo's "show me a hero," writer david simon. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. what's up guys. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case let's get to the news. donald trump gave a speech yesterday where he accused jeb bush and hillary clinton as being under the control of lobbyists, special interests and deep pocketed donors. trump says we should vote for him because he is not under control at all. [ laughter ] despite no longer working for donald trump, former campaign strategist roger stone said today that he still fully supports his former boss at which point tru
stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye everybody! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- kristen wiig. from "unbeakable kimmy schmidt," actor tituss burgess. the creator of hbo's "show me a hero," writer david simon. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen....
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Aug 22, 2015
08/15
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stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thanks for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. thank you! thank you! bye. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in ne york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- connie britt singer-songwriter rita ora music from unknown mortal orchestia featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm setheyers. this is "late night." how's everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good t hear. let's get to the news. donald trump said in a new interview that he believes his performance in the polls shows that he has not crossed the line of appropriateness. you can read the entire interview in this month's issue of "juggs magazine." [ laughter ] donald trump said yesterday that he l es china and believes its leaders are so sharp and cunning. and the delivery guy didn't know what to say. [ laughter ] "okay? thank you?"bu[ li bro, ughter ] beatrne
stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thanks for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. thank you! thank you! bye. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in ne york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- connie britt singer-songwriter rita ora music from unknown mortal orchestia featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [...
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Aug 22, 2015
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. >> seth: hi, i'm seth meyers. >> and i'm josh meyers. >>st seth: and we love being siblings, but we've always wanted more. today we fix it. >> seth: hey, can we ask you your name real quick? >> chaz. >> seth: chaz, if you had $1,000, what would you spend it on? >> all the candy in the world. [ laughter ] >> seth: all the candy in the world. yeah. what sort of candy would you spend it on? >> um -- gum. >> seth: chaz, where do you see yourself in five years? >> taller. [ laughter ] >> seth: what do you want to be when you grow up, chaz? >> a power ranger. >> seth: a power ranger. >> which i actually am because, um -- i saw this crystal on the bus. >> seth: okay. chaz, i feel like you should have opened with this, but keep going. [ laughter ] >> on my kindergarten bus, and it said "power ranger" on the top. >> seth: wow. can you tell us a joke you heard in school? >> knock, knock. >> seth: who's there? >> pig. >> seth: pig who? >> pig banana jokes. [ laughter ] >> i don't get it. >> i like it. >> seth: hi there. >> hi. >> seth: so nice to m
. >> seth: hi, i'm seth meyers. >> and i'm josh meyers. >>st seth: and we love being siblings, but we've always wanted more. today we fix it. >> seth: hey, can we ask you your name real quick? >> chaz. >> seth: chaz, if you had $1,000, what would you spend it on? >> all the candy in the world. [ laughter ] >> seth: all the candy in the world. yeah. what sort of candy would you spend it on? >> um -- gum. >> seth: chaz, where do you see...
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. >> donald trump. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: seth meyers liked that joke so seth meyers told it. [ laughter ] i don't know if you heard about the hitchhiking robot hitchbot. have you heard about this? hitchbot. hitchbot is a canadian hitchhiking robot. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] i have bad news for your enthusiasm. because the hitchhiking robot hitchbot had to end its journey across america earlier this weekend after it was vandalized and damaged trying to go through philadelphia. [ laughter ] it's now being sent to live with its auntie and uncle in bel air. [ laughter ] [ applause ] "this is the story all about how --" that's right, hitchbot was destroyed, but we did get exclusive black box audio from hitchbot. let's listen to the final moments. >> thank you for picking up hitchbot. >> yo, look at this, we got a talking trash can. >> i am not a trash can. i am hitchbot. >> hey, robot, you an iggles fan? >> it is pronounced eagles. [ laughter ] >> why, you son of a bitch. >> ow. ow. ow. [ laughter ] >> seth: that canadian politeness does not play in philadelphia. i don't care. r
. >> donald trump. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: seth meyers liked that joke so seth meyers told it. [ laughter ] i don't know if you heard about the hitchhiking robot hitchbot. have you heard about this? hitchbot. hitchbot is a canadian hitchhiking robot. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] i have bad news for your enthusiasm. because the hitchhiking robot hitchbot had to end its journey across america earlier this weekend after it was vandalized and damaged trying to go through...
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we'll catch up with seth meyers, bill hader and fred armisen. work it. boom. >>> live look, the george washington bridge. 8:26 on this tuesday morning. good morning, i'm michael gargiulo. the nypd released security video showing a violent purse snatcher in action. the video shows the suspect tackling a woman in the vestibule of a building in morning view heights. this was actually last month. that woman fought back. the man still got away with her purse. police found it with everything inside but the suspect still on the loose. call olice have you have any information. now the morning commute. lauren scala. >>> emergency maintenance by kennedy boulevard causing delays by the outbound link coln tunnel. inbound, delays. at the george washington bridge. once you're off it heading down the west side highway, delays because of an accident bip y 96th street. >>> weather, hot and hazy. chance for more showers. 90 the high. tomorrow, a chance for showers with a high of 86. thursday storms late into the day. 83 for the high. friday, scattered showers, temperature
we'll catch up with seth meyers, bill hader and fred armisen. work it. boom. >>> live look, the george washington bridge. 8:26 on this tuesday morning. good morning, i'm michael gargiulo. the nypd released security video showing a violent purse snatcher in action. the video shows the suspect tackling a woman in the vestibule of a building in morning view heights. this was actually last month. that woman fought back. the man still got away with her purse. police found it with everything...
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>> seth: sir barkington von doggy. >> seth meyers. >> seth: yeah. >> okay, i'm going to need to give you a temporary access code. >> seth: okay. >> ready? >> seth: yeah. >> seth: f-a-r-t-s-8-2. >> seth: farts 82? can i have something a little less embarrassing? >> sure, f-a-r-t-s-6-9. >> seth: farts 69? >> look, all you have to do is say it into the computer, sir. you can change it later. >> seth: okay, fine. can i at least get farts 82, then? >> nope, that one's taken now. thanks for using "big safe." >> this call was recorded and at your request, it has been sent to an asian agent. >> seth: no, i didn't request that. >> please say or enter your temporary access code. >> seth: f-a-r-t-s-6-9. >> farts 69? that's what you're going with? >> seth: hey, it was given to me by one of your customer service representatives. i tried to change it, but she said i couldn't. and when i tried to get farts 82 back she says that was gone. for this safe. this is very stressful for me. i am just trying to finish a monologue, okay? all in all, it's just been a very difficult day for me. >> i'm sorry, d
>> seth: sir barkington von doggy. >> seth meyers. >> seth: yeah. >> okay, i'm going to need to give you a temporary access code. >> seth: okay. >> ready? >> seth: yeah. >> seth: f-a-r-t-s-8-2. >> seth: farts 82? can i have something a little less embarrassing? >> sure, f-a-r-t-s-6-9. >> seth: farts 69? >> look, all you have to do is say it into the computer, sir. you can change it later. >> seth: okay, fine. can i at...
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yourself, seth meyers. >> seth: thanks. >> no, you did all tina fey's stuff, man. >> seth: i did not. tina fey did all of tina fey's stuff. [ laughter ] every now and then i would transcribe something she said, but that was -- >> it's the hardest thing to do to write. so, yeah. >> seth: and it was full turnover. i think that's the important thing. everybody left and they started it over and that's never happened since then. >> and we were hired by a great lady, jean doumanian. you know, lorne's gal hired us and we went in. but it was like a no-win situation. but jean hired me, hired eddie. we had to work as hard as we possibly can. but it's new york city, man. it's nothing for nothing. and we weren't doing great. and there's no mercy in new york. >> seth: no. it was an institution. >> i felt we were ruining america's favorite television show, you know? >> seth: yeah. >> we weren't being malicious about it. so we'd be walking down the street and people would go, "hey, you're the new guys, from the new 'saturday night live,' right?" we'd go, "yeah." they'd go, "you suck." [ laughter ] i
yourself, seth meyers. >> seth: thanks. >> no, you did all tina fey's stuff, man. >> seth: i did not. tina fey did all of tina fey's stuff. [ laughter ] every now and then i would transcribe something she said, but that was -- >> it's the hardest thing to do to write. so, yeah. >> seth: and it was full turnover. i think that's the important thing. everybody left and they started it over and that's never happened since then. >> and we were hired by a great...
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it's called the sex offender registry. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] it'll be tough for old seth meyers to get ice cream noitw. [ laughter ] i send my assistant, though. i don't get my own ice cream. [ laughter ] this is great. a mcdonald's manager admitted this week that his store has a secret menu that includes the monster mac, hich is a big mac with eight hamburger patties. it's expensive. obviously, you know, eight but they accept all the major cards. blue cross/blue shield, they accept that. [ laughter ] aetna, anthem, all of them. aflac. i think that's how you say it. wr und this.?ascinating. a former iowa lottery official was found guilty yesterday of rigging a computerized top lotto game so he could win a $14 million jackpot. he n faces up to five, 12, 14, 20 -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] -- or 25 years in prison. 25 years in prison. that's what i want for my apartment. one of those lotto balls machints. i feel that way, people come in, and they go, "this guy likes fancy things." [ laughter ] and finally, you guys, finally, new study found -- and this is a study, so you might thi
it's called the sex offender registry. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] it'll be tough for old seth meyers to get ice cream noitw. [ laughter ] i send my assistant, though. i don't get my own ice cream. [ laughter ] this is great. a mcdonald's manager admitted this week that his store has a secret menu that includes the monster mac, hich is a big mac with eight hamburger patties. it's expensive. obviously, you know, eight but they accept all the major cards. blue cross/blue shield, they accept...