[ cheers and applause ] thank you so much, that was [ cheers and applause ]

>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about, everybody. it's going to be a great show today, pals. nice to see you guys, welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." oh, it's going to be a good show. i feel it already, yep. [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be a goody. you guys, there are riots in london, there's chaos in the middle east, economic disaster around the world but here's the good news. we have snooki on the show tonight, guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's going to be all right, you guys, it's going to be all right. speaking of "jersey shore," in a new interview, "the situation" said he's hoping to start a movie career. [ laughter ] which is why today, he was like, "theatre number four. thank you -- enjoy the show. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] theater number five is upstairs. you got to go upstairs.

enjoy the show." listen to this. it's rumored that mtv is coming out with a movie version of its old reality show, "the hills." yeah, lauren conrad will play the lead while heidi montag will play the hills. [ laughter ] here's some election news. during a speech this week, michelle bachmann said she won't use teleprompters if she is elected president. and then she added in, "and that is a promise from me to -- hang on. [ laughter ] hang on, i got it here somewhere. gosh. oh, here it is. good afternoon." [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: it's a notebook. there's a lot of stuff in it. >> jimmy: was it acting class -- that they were index cards? >> steve: oh my god, that was great. >> jimmy: that's right, michelle bachmann said that if she's elected president, she won't read words off a teleprompter. meanwhile, sarah palin said that if she's elected president, she

won't read words. [ laughter ] i almost couldn't read the words myself. [ cheers and applause ] sorry. you got me, sarah, big deal. i can take a joke, too, sarah. [ laughter ] ew. we're going to edit that out. [ laughter ] you're not going to make me look stupid on my own -- oh, too bad. hey -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ clapping rhythmically ] >> steve: and here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it never happened. it never happened, you guys. >> steve: it was all a dream. >> jimmy: get this, you guys. the republican party is making

automated robo-calls to voters, blaming democrats for the credit downgrade. yeah. i thought i got a robo-call from mitt romney. turns out it was actually mitt romney. [ laughter ] [ as a robot ] "hello, jimmy. it's me, mitt. [ laughter ] vote for me. i will be president." [ laughter ] >> steve: "i will be president of the united states. [ laughter ] hey, jimmy." "the cow says moo." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: mitt. this is weird. hershey's announced that someone hacked into its website and changed a recipe. [ laughter ] it's weird when your buddy's like -- "i hacked into the cia and spied on iran. what did you do?" "well, do you know walnut brownies?" [ laughter ] "yes, i do." "well, now, they're pecan brownies." [ laughter ] [ applause ]

glasses and index cards. see, sarah palin? who's the smart one now? [ laughter ] hey, today was the final round of the national scrabble championship in texas. wow! [ cheers and applause ] wow, i bet there's a lot of excitingness. [ buzzer ] damn! [ laughter ] and finally, a man in illinois was arrested for stealing a woman's diamond ring and swallowing it. [ light laughter ] police recovered the ring using that old interrogation technique, "good cop, bad chipotle." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight, you guys! give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a big show tonight, you guys! she is back. one of our favorites, from "jersey shore," nicole "snooki"

polizzi is here! [ cheers and applause ] snook! he does all the big football and baseball games for fox. joe buck is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] a very funny guy. very talented guy. oh, you know her from comedy central's "the sarah silverman program." a very, very funny comedian, one of my favorites, tig notaro is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] with a great new cd. really, really good. hey guys, it's time for "late night hashtags." here we go! ♪ hashtags, hashtags hashtags, hashtags hashtags ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: these are lists on twitter, where we give you the topic and you send in the tweets. so yesterday, i went on twitter and i started a hashtag called, "who does that?" [ light laughter ] i asked you guys at home to tweet out something weird that you saw someone doing and made you say, "who does that?" you don't have to whisper it like that but you can say, "who does that?" or be the nerd and say, "who does that?" [ laughter ] >> steve: that was good with the

tape and the -- >> jimmy: yeah, with the tape on the glasses. yeah. we got thousands of tweets. i was watching them come in all night. so now, i thought i'd share some of my favorite, "who does that?" tweets from you guys. here we go. this first one's from ryanpfefferoni. we get a lot from this dude. [ laughter ] >> steve: he's a good dude. >> jimmy: he's sending in bunch of these. yeah. he says, "saw a grown man buy a ticket for captain america. he went in the theater, looked around him and then speed walked into the smurfs." [ laughter ] who does that? this one's from @prairiesusi. she says, "stranger got in the same section of a revolving door as me." [ laughter ] >> steve: never good. >> jimmy: i hate that. are you serious? "your hair smells pretty. [ laughter ] you use pert?" this one's from @akheitman. he says, "my friend found a spreadsheet on his roommate's computer of different dragon names and their magical powers." [ laughter ] >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: "norbert breathes fire, right gary?" [ light laughter ] [ nerd voice ]

"i changed the pecan back to --" [ laughter ] this one's from @dmurphys. he says, "saw a 75 year-old woman walk into a walmart flipping everyone off." [ laughter ] >> steve: just kind of strolled in there? >> jimmy: who does that? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: this one's from @essentofficesrv. she says, "the neighbor's lawn guy changes in their garage and only lowers the door halfway, showing everything waist down." [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah, that's not good. >> jimmy: i don't know. this one's from @killermiller92. he says, "my boss keeps potatoes at work and names them after the employees. when someone does something wrong, he eats it." [ laughter ] i think gary's getting fired. i saw him eating his potato. gary's potato. weird. this one's from at @djhassoun. he says, "guy at big meeting lifted his tie, unbuttoned his shirt and pulled out a pile of mail, while speaking to the

group." [ laughter ] that's a neat trick. flipped it up, like, "anyway, let's get to the budget." [ laughter ] that wasn't the right sound effect. that's not the -- it should be -- >> steve: try it again. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] try one more different one. [ making sounds ] [ laughter ] [ making sounds ] [ laughter ] [ mimics whistling bird ] [ laughter ] yeah. you sound like michael winslow, dude. [ applause ] this one's from @emmaleeth. she says, "a classmate wrote about losing her virginity on facebook and her mom liked the status." [ audience ohs ] who does either of those things? >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: gross. well, at least she's not getting poked. [ laughter ] it's a facebook joke. >> steve: yeah, it's a facebook joke. >> jimmy: facebook joke. >> steve: "like." she "likes" it. >> jimmy: yeah.

[ mimics duck ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: last one. this is from @krisannin. she says, "my dad answers the phone, city morgue, you stab it, we slab it!" [ laughter ] there you have it, tonight's "late night hashtags." [ cheers and applause ] to check out more of our favorites, go to latenightwithjimmyfallon.com. we'll be right back with "audience suggestion box." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ child's voice ] ooh, that looks good. [ child's voice ] can i have some? [ child's voice ] you guys should rock, paper, scissors for it.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back! as you guys know, we're always striving to get better here at "late night." ♪ harder, better, faster stronger ♪ [ laughter ] so before every show, we put out a suggestion box for the audience just to get some feedback about what you guys think of the show, things you'd like to see us do, that kind of stuff. so tonight, let's look inside the audience suggestion box. here we go. ♪ >> jimmy: okay, let's see what's in here. first one here -- it says "hey" -- from clay thomas, "hey, jimmy, you got a little spot of mustard on your face. i bet you ate a hot dog during that last graphic." oh, no, i didn't. that was actually a pretzel. but thank you so much clay. i appreciate -- thanks for the

suggestion. let's see what else we've got. [ light laughter ] this one from omar green. "jimmy, can you find someone in your audience who looks like a cross between robert pattinson and tom brady?" [ light laughter ] uh, maybe. let's see. who do we got? how about that guy, right there. he looks good. [ laughter ] yeah, that's pretty good. let's compare the two. [ cheers and applause ] pretty good. yeah, not too bad. let's do another one here. this one's from dana carter. "hey, jimmy, what would happen if you plugged in that huge extension cord under your desk?" i don't know. i always wanted to try it. [ laughter ] i don't like this. let's get another suggestion over here. it's from jake perry. "have you heard of the group

black simon and garfunkel? you know, the black version of simon and garfunkel. can you have them on the show?" it's so weird because i was uptown, i was at mintons' play house last night, and black simon and garfunkel showed up to perform a song from their self-titled album. ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for black simon and garfunkel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ party rockers in the house tonight ♪ [ laughter and applause ] ♪ everybody just have a good time ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ and we're gonna make you lose your minds ♪ ♪ everybody just have a good time ♪ >> shake that. ♪ la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ la la la la la la la la la la ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: let's keep going. "jimmy -- [ laughter ] can you have world famous trainer, david kirsch on your show to make someone's biceps at least one centimeter bigger?" i've always wanted to do that. let's do it right now. first put your hands together for new york city's own trainer to the stars, david kirsch everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's up my man? it's good to see you, david kirsch. we said we would let you work out with ryan here from our audience. how are you doing, ryan? >> good. >> jimmy: nice to see you, buddy. this is david kirsch. all right, here's the deal. you're going to make his biceps at least one centimeter bigger. >> absolutely. [ talking over each other ] >> serious. here we go. >> a little before. let's do it.

see what you've got here. >> jimmy: what have we got? >> we've got 29. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> is that good? >> we have some work to do. we've got 10 push-ups. >> jimmy: ready? let's go, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. all right, very good. >> right here. take the dumbbell. >> curls. >> jimmy: curls -- how many? >> nice and strong -- ten curls. >> jimmy: ten curls, go! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 -- stick to the beat. 7, 8, 9, 10. very good. all right, let's see what we've got. >> it looks bigger. it looks bigger. [ drumroll ] >> it's engorged. >> jimmy: what have we got? >> we have 31 1/2. >> jimmy: 31 1/2, a new record! >> thank you.

>> you get a kirsch bar. >> good work man. you did it. you win a nice kirsh bar. >> jimmy: a nice kirsh bar. thank you david kirsch. you rock the house. thank you so much. >> i hope you like the kirsch bar. ♪ >> jimmy: i got to have my kirsch bar! [ applause ] all right, that was fun. let's do one more here. his is from reginald smith. sounds familiar. "hey, jimmy, why don't you go up your nose with a rubber hose?" [ laughter ] wait, what? oh, no. i know who this is. >> that's right, you suck, fallon! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guys, it's my middle school bully, reggie. [ laughter ] >> nice haircut, jimmy. you go to a blind barber or something? >> jimmy: no, why would i do that. no, leave me alone, reggie. leave me alone, reggie. >> questlove: oh, he got you! he sounds just like you, man. he got you! ha-ha. >> jimmy: who are you? >> questlove: hey, man, i'm an instigator. my job is to fan the flames of confrontation. keep it going, bro, keep it going. [ laughter ] >> i'm jimmy fallon.

i have my own show, but i still wet the bed at night. [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: it's a lie you guys. >> questlove: what? he's killing you on your own show, man. game over, roll the credits. >> reginald jefferson smith! reginald, you cut that out right now, buster. >> but, mom, come on! >> no buts, no butts. you're late for your flute lesson, let's go. come on. come on. hurry up. >> jimmy: yeah, have fun at your flute lesson there, reginald! what do you have to say now, buddy? ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ a hero falls [ laughter ] ♪ he was once so grand i put my faith in him now there he stands ♪ >> humbled. ♪ can i ever

believe again now that the hero ♪ [ applause ] ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's all the time we have for "audience suggestion box." we'll be right back with nicole "snooki" polizzi. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] you never know when a moment might turn into something more. and when it does men with erectile dysfunction can be more confident in their ability to be ready

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest this evening is one of the stars of the smash hit reality show, "jersey shore," which began season four last week, with nearly nine million viewers, the highest rated season premiere in mtv history.

wow. please welcome back to the show, one of our favorites, nicole "snooki" polizzi! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look beautiful. thank you for coming on the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i appreciate it. coming back. >> thanks for having me again. >> jimmy: oh, please -- >> hi. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's not an aa meeting. you can just come out and talk. it's fine. [ laughter ] highest -- nine million viewers -- smash hit. >> crazy, right? >> jimmy: congratulations. yeah, it was great. >> i can't even imagine, like, everybody just wants to see us go crazy, i mean -- so weird. >> jimmy: i miss you. i got to be honest, i really miss you. >> i'm right here. >> jimmy: hi, exactly. good. [ laughter ] "i'm right here." get on in here. but you went to italy? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how was it? >> italy was different. i mean, it's a whole 'nother country, so -- [ laughter ] come on!

>> jimmy: thank you so much. that's -- you're not wrong, you're not wrong. but did you go out? did you, like, meet different people? 'cause i only got up to episode one, so i haven't seen anything. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: so i haven't seen anything. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. well, we got to drive those cars, which were weird. >> jimmy: you got in a big car accident. >> yeah. that sucked. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> it was horrible. >> jimmy: not only that, though, you hit a cop, right? >> i know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: snooki, what are you doing? >> who does that? >> jimmy: exactly. [ laughter ] who does that? very nice. you're very good. you're very good. but you said somewhere that you couldn't find any real guidos in italy. >> yeah, they didn't look like guidos in jersey, you know? like, the big muscley guys. they were like skinny twigs, like, walking around. >> jimmy: is that how they walk, like -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: "march of the wooden soldiers"? >> and then you would walk by and they'd see your ass they'd be like -- [ imitates horn ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, stop it. >> no, really, they did like that in the bus and stuff. >> jimmy: yeah, but they wouldn't make a horn sound. [ laughter ]

>> no, not like that. [ imitates horn ] >> jimmy: but, you saw michelangelo's statue of david. >> yes. >> jimmy: and that must have been amazing. i've never -- i'm never seen that. >> well, we had a lot -- >> jimmy: well, i've seen pictures. >> we had a lot of, like, little statutes of david in the house, just because, like, his butt was out and it was really cute. it was like, chiseled. and then, you could see, like, his weiner and, like, nice abs and -- [ laughter ] that's the only juicehead we saw in italy. >> jimmy: that's pretty good, yeah, yeah. the statute of david's weiner. awesome. [ laughter ] now, you've already wrapped season five, you're back in jersey. >> yes. >> jimmy: you're back in your home turf. >> mhmm. >> jimmy: are you happy to be home? >> oh my god, it's so nice to be in italy. you know, just to be in italy and then come back to jersey, our homeland of guidos and we can go to karma, get scooby snacks, drive escalades -- [ light laughter ] it was like heaven. >> jimmy: what's scooby snacks? i missed out on that one? >> oh, scooby snacks is like this shot. it's like milky, but it has, like, alcohol in it and you just, like -- just take them down. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a shot you do? >> yes. >> jimmy: it's a milky shot? >> it's actually like a milkshake but it has, like, a lot of liquor in it, so you're good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now, why do they call it scooby snacks? he never did that. >> i'm not sure.

because scooby-doo's crazy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you think he's mentally ill, scooby-doo? >> i dunno. >> jimmy: hey, look at this. "a shore thing." it's your book, it's on papy-back, right now. look at this. [ cheers and applause ] bestseller. "new york times" bestseller. it's on paperback, so you can bring this down to the beach, if you want. and you're working on a squeakquel too, right? >> yeah, called "gorilla beach." >> jimmy: "gorilla beach?" >> hell yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: now, it continues. it's a fictional story. >> yeah. >> jimmy: about these two girls, looking for love. >> with gia and bella, a.k.a. me and jenny. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and we're just going to gorilla beach, looking for gorillas. [ laughter ] it's a good book, i feel. >> jimmy: it is. yeah, it's a good idea. i like it a lot, yeah. how is my girl? how is j-woww? >> j-woww's awesome. her, you know, boobs are nice and perky. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's good to know. it's good to hear that her boobs are perky. speaking of perky, look at you wrestling, wwe here. look at what you did! [ cheers and applause ] that's amazing. snooki, that was really good. >> wasn't that fun? >> jimmy: it was really good.

you came in, everyone was booing and all that stuff. >> oh, i know. >> jimmy: and then you just flipped them all around and everyone started rooting you, at the end. >> they're all going at me and i'm like, "wait till i do my backflips." and i went -- [ imitates horn ] and yep, they loved it. >> jimmy: she went -- [ imitates horn ] >> yeah, the loved it. >> jimmy: yeah, it was good. so, i got to watch -- we got to see a clip. we have a sneak peak clip of "jersey shore." it's going to be on tomorrow night. >> oh dear. >> jimmy: but -- [ laughter ] i have so many other questions, too. i mean, you and "the situation"? [ gags ] i mean, what went down? >> i mean -- >> jimmy: what happened? >> no, me and mike, we're like -- we -- >> jimmy: what happened? >> we're like -- >> jimmy: did you have too many scooby snacks? [ laughter ] >> oh no, i never went that way. no. >> jimmy: you didn't? >> we're just like really good friends and he took my friendship as -- the wrong way, you know? >> jimmy: oh, he fell in love with you. >> yeah, he got a little too creepy. >> jimmy: he got a little creepy this season. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so he seems a little creepy. i agree with you. [ laughter ] i felt a little creep -- >> just a little creepy. >> jimmy: just a little creep, yeah, yeah, yeah. all right, we have a clip of -- here's snooki and everyone. "jersey shore." ♪e >> you can count me in. >> you know there's eight of us, and obviously, he points me out and i'm like, dear [ bleep ] [ bleep ] like, i don't speak italian.

how am i the [ bleep ] supposed to know how to cook a pizza? >> what do you want? a margarita? >> pepperoni. >> pepperoni? okay. >> you talk to me about sweet pepper -- or you talk to me about hot salami. >> hot salami, yeah. >> hot salami, okay. >> she loves hot salami. >> yeah, she does. >> she loves hot salami. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's a good one. vinny -- [ cheers and applause ] -- for vinny. hey, you guys, snooki and i are playing "slipper golf" after the break. so, stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we're going to head on into the interview. krystal. . . krystal . . . what lead to your decision to go with the fusion? i just keep on going back to looks; it's a great looking car. how do your co-workers feel about your decision? they were the ones who were against ford. they were like they're a truck company. for the most part i am pretty sure i have changed most everyone's mind. krystal, you seem pretty comfortable up there, are you sure you haven't done this before? umm. . . i did 8th grade telecommunications class.

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what's in your wallet? i'm good. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. i am back with nicole "snooki" polizzi, star of mtv's "jersey shore" and we're about to play a round of "shoe golf." only, we're both wearing snooki's very own custom-designed snooki slippers. so tonight, we're calling it "slipper golf." these are actually really comfortable, by the way. >> duh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, here's how -- here's how "slipper golf" works. we're going to play one round. lowest score wins. we're going to tee off, out in the hallway. we'll play through the scene dock and band area and then back into the studio and into the hole, right here. okay, you up for some slipper golf? >> yeah, let's go. >> jimmy: all right, let's do this. i'm going to wear these. [ light laughter ] >> it's like walking on a cloud, right? >> jimmy: it is kind of like walking on a cloud. it's very subtle. >> mhmm.

>> jimmy: you put soles on them -- >> so you can wear it to the office. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i guess you could them to the office. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i guess. i don't know. you -- hey guys. >> guys: hey. >> jimmy: how you doin? you guys fans of slipper golf? >> hello. >> guys: yeah. >> oh, hey. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. oh, that's the water hazard there, so watch out for that. >> do i have to go over that? >> jimmy: yeah. >> who goes first? >> jimmy: of course you. ladies first. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, all right. hey, no, don't pick it up! >> oh. >> jimmy: well, that's where it is. for now. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: all right, ready? [ light laughter ] all right, good, now you go. >> okay. >> jimmy: watch out for that -- hey, that's pretty good. >> come on. >> jimmy: that's good you didn't go in the water. all right, here we go. do you play golf at all? >> no. >> jimmy: miniature golf? >> yeah! >> jimmy: liar.

>> oh! >> jimmy: that was a pretty good one, there. i got some air on that one. >> you're beating me. >> jimmy: i'm very competitive. [ laughter ] whoa! [ audience ohs ] you almost fell on that one. >> i know. >> jimmy: that was in the -- oh my god. thank you for not falling in there. >> god. >> jimmy: all right, now i got to go over the hedge, here. all right, i can do this. here we go. hi-ya. hi-ya! oh. >> oh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: gosh darn it. that's all right. that's all right. [ laughter ] hey, somebody moved it. sorry, here ya go. >> you go this way? >> jimmy: yeah, you got to go through that door, yeah. careful, these hedges are -- yeah, they're metal, so be careful. [ laughter ] they're not real. [ audience ohs ] all right, that was a hazard. go for again -- >> i go again? >> jimmy: yeah, you got to go again, yeah. please don't fall into the hedges or do anything weird. i don't want you getting hurt. [ audience ohs ] hey, good! very good. ♪ all right, now you got to -- you go here. now you go again and then, i'll go after you. >> i go again? >> jimmy: yep. hey! that was a nice shot.

>> gosh! all right, we're tied. >> we're tied! >> jimmy: all right, good. now you go. i'm not even counting the score but someone is, so we'll know who wins and loses. >> go straight? >> jimmy: go straight and then we go around, into the studio, there. >> whoa! >> jimmy: that was fantastic! [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] >> your turn. [ laughter ] you got stuck. >> jimmy: i'm so bummed out. do you like my apartment, by the way? [ laughter ] >> who? >> jimmy: no, i'm just kidding. >> oh. >> jimmy: uh, this is right here. >> is this floor clean? >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> whew! >> jimmy: yeah. yeah, the audience liked that one. [ applause ] >> cool. >> jimmy: i'm getting close. that means i'm getting closer. i can feel the audience power. [ light laughter ] >> come on! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i thought you were going to fall down. you're scaring me. oh, my gosh, there they are,

right there! the audience. [ cheers and applause ] >> we have to get it in there? >> jimmy: yeah. we got to get it in that bucket. >> ugh. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. [ audience ohs ] that was phenomenal. >> can i throw it? >> jimmy: no! can you throw it? no. that's half the fun of the game. >> i think this is too tight on me, i feel. >> jimmy: oh, stop it. we played the whole round already. [ laughter ] whoa. >> whoa. [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: hey. that was good. you got air on that one. >> yeah, right? >> jimmy: all right, now, you're farther away, so you go. i really like these. [ light laughter ] >> i'm going to get this, i feel. >> jimmy: all right, good luck. [ drumroll ] >> all right, with the pressure. [ laughter ] oh! [ laughter ] come on! [ sad tuba ] ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: hey, what was the final score? do we know? i won! i won by two strokes! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

hey, everybody, one more thing. snooki brought a pair of slippers for everybody here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] you're all going home with a pair of snooki slippers! don't miss the new episode of "jersey shore" tomorrow night, 10:00 p.m., mtv. our thanks to nicole "snooki" polizzi. we'll be right back with joe buck, stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ also get a free flight. you know that comes with a private island. really? no. it comes with a hat. you see, airline credit cards promise flights for 25,000 miles, but... [ man ] there's never any seats for 25,000 miles. frustrating, isn't it? but that won't happen with the capital one venture card. you can book any airline anytime. hey, i just said that. after all, isn't traveling hard enough? ow. [ male announcer ] to get the flights you want, sign up for a venture card at capitalone.com. what's in your wallet? uh, it's okay. i've played a pilot before. a couple years ago, so i started using rogaine foam. [ male announcer ] only rogaine foam

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for both the nfl and mlb on fox. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, joe buck! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's my man, joe buck! thanks for coming on the show. >> god, it's -- her essence is still here. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you're feeling snooki. you're feeling the snooki of it all. are you a "jersey shore" fan? >> it's intoxicating. >> jimmy: it really is. you could have your own slippers, not like you didn't have your own. >> i didn't bring anything, i'm sorry. [ laughter ] maybe scooby snack shots -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a good idea. >> kind of creamy, and yet there's a lot of alcohol in it. you guys are going to love it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that sounds like something people love, yeah. >> yeah, who doesn't love that. >> jimmy: you're not a shot guy, are you? do you do shots? >> no, i mean i get bullied into it every once in a while. you know, some yankees fan or some red sox guy will come up

and give me trouble first, and then want to buy a shot because they feel bad about it. >> jimmy: yeah, we actually did a movie together, kind of. >> we did. >> jimmy: "fever pitch." >> "fever pitch." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: please sit down. please sit down. >> that gets old, doesn't it? the standing "os." >> jimmy: for ovations, yeah. >>we did. i got to do voice over because that was in '04 when the red sox shocked the world and finally won it all. >> jimmy: that was insane. wasn't that a crazy night? [ cheers and applause ] that was one of the most insane moments of my life ever. i mean, it was wild. i mean, they hadn't won anything in 86 years. >> right. >> jimmy: so i mean, even the red sox fans were shocked. >> no, it was -- >> jimmy: are you sure? [ laughter ] it's really over? like, they weren't screaming or going nuts, like "oh my god we won!" they were just crying. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: like put dad on the phone, like, it was so surreal. >> and it's one of those moments where when you're calling it, you know, there was ground ball back to the pitcher and he just lobs it over to first. and you're like, my god, this is actually happening.

this is -- and i got to call it in, it was something i will never forget. >> jimmy: yeah. do you have like those moments -- do you have a top three moments of your announcing career? >> yeah, my career in general, meeting snooki in the hallway. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, that's one, definitely. >> that's one. >> jimmy: that's either one or two in the top three. >> right, the giants winning the super bowl. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was exciting. >> beating new england because of all that was all on the line. new england hadn't lost, and the game was going back and forth. >> jimmy: isn't that great when there's -- nothing like a good game. i hate a bad game. >> yeah, well -- [ laughter ] me too. >> jimmy: i don't care what anybody says. >> me too. >> jimmy: i don't care what anybody says, i hate a bad game. >> yeah, cause most people love them. right. >> jimmy: no, but, i love like these blowout games. my dad had like a curse. every time my dad would sit down and watch a baseball game with me -- like, he wasn't really a sports guy. but he would do now and then to make me happy. and we would watch a game, and it would always go into extra innings. like the mets would play and they would be in the 19th inning. do you remember that game where jesse roscoe is playing the outfield.

like what is going on? >> maybe it was god's way of telling you to spend more time with your dad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love you dad. how do you get into sports casting? do you practice announcing? do you sit in the house and turn the volume down -- and there is there's the throw to first base -- [ laughter ] >> yes, i do that and nepotism. >> jimmy: well, your dad -- >> my dad did it forever so i got to follow my him in the business. >> jimmy: he's a legend. >> yeah, he was great. and i was with him as a kid and got to be in the booth with him when i was 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. and then did it, started with cardinals when i was 21. >> woo! >> jimmy: is that right? >> 21-year-old up in the crowd. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your dad would take you there -- and just go nuts, right? >> oh my god, i'd go on the road, i'd see players drunk, i'd watch them cheat on their wives, it was great. >> jimmy: yeah. really good for you, yeah. yeah, spending time with your dad. [ talking over each other ] yeah, just keep it down. just shut up, yeah.

>> my dad, that's what he would say. >> jimmy: have one of these scooby snacks and keep quiet. you're a st. louis guy. and so is, of course, your dad and so is my man, bob costa. do you over run into bob costa? >> i did. my dad actually hired him back in the 70s at a radio station in st. louis called camel-x. so i met him as an 8-year-old which was weird because i was taller than him. >> jimmy: oh come on -- [ laughter ] he's going to get you back. >> no, i've known him my whole life and had one guy other than my dad who's kind of been behind me and helping me, it would be bob. he's great. the best ever. >> jimmy: you had a little scare. >> i did. i'm working on one vocal chord. typically, i'd be way louder than this and a lot more funny. >> jimmy: no, you're perfectly funny. how many vocal cords do you have? >> well, the normal human has two. >> jimmy: i did not know this. >> i am working with one. i had a little virus right after the super bowl where i've gone

from not being able to make a squeak to what i am now, i've done 12 baseball games and an all-star game. and i'm kind of fighting my way through it. >> jimmy: oh my god, that must be frightening. >> it is, yeah, been a hell of a year. >> jimmy: that's your meat and potatoes. >> that's what butters the bread. >> exactly. >> jimmy: know what i'm saying? that's what sugars your coffee. >> that's what makes -- makes it all happen. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i win, i win, i win. >> i was going to go back to snooki -- >> jimmy: yeah. too much work. too much work. i heard you're taking singing lessons now? >> yeah. i've been taking singing lessons with a girl erin boudy in st. louis, who's a great musician and we've been, you know, doing scales. >> jimmy: can you sing a little bit for us tonight? come on. >> well, it's been more of a rehabilitation. >> jimmy: no, i know. but, come on just do a little. like, say we're having a work session. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ love is a burning

thing it makes a fiery ring ♪ ♪ bound by wild desire i fell into a ring of fire ♪ ♪ i fell into a burning ring of fire ♪ ♪ i went down down down and the flame went higher ♪ ♪ and it burns burns burns the ring of fire the ring of fire ♪ >> jimmy: joe buck, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] doing johnny cash. fox's pre-season football coverage starts this friday at 8 p.m. comedian tig notaro joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] want to achieve more with your money?

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tonight. give it up for tig notaro! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, jimmy. thank you, snooki. [ laughter ] it seems like it's really popular these days to say things like, "oh, that grossed me out. i just threw up a little in my mouth." [ laughter ] or, "oh, you're so funny, i just peed a little." [ laughter ] and it's like, you're a gross person. [ laughter ] why don't you pull yourself together, and then rejoin polite society after you've cleaned yourself up a bit? [ laughter ] when you say those things, you cause me to shed my uterine lining. [ laughter and applause ]

i want to have kids with all of you. [ laughter ] i think i'm going to have to get artificially inseminated. i love that it's called that -- artificial insemination. because it's not like you're not getting inseminated. [ laughter ] you're getting inseminated. if it was artificial, you'd go in for your doctor's appointment and they'd insert one of those sponge creatures inside of you that expands. [ laughter ] and nine months later -- a velociraptor. [ laughter ] hey, somebody artificially inseminated me. who is the wise guy? [ laughter ] i'm originally from mississippi. [ applause ] thank you. [ laughter ] i have this cousin down there

that is absolutely obsessed with our family tree. he's constantly researching online and then everything he finds, he e-mails in a mass e-mail to the whole family. and he'll be like, "your second cousin, three times removed, on your mother's side of the family was the first female to ride a two-wheel bicycle without a bonnet on." [ laughter ] it's like, i don't care. it's never anything interesting. it's never anything like after some digging, i found out, tig, that you are benjamin franklin. [ laughter ] i invented electricity? yeah, that sounds like me, i guess.

i get my e-mails on my phone, so i'll be walking across the street and my phone will buzz, and i'll look at it. it's like, "your grandfather was the first chair of the sailboat society." yeah, i don't care. [ laughter ] all i know is i want to be the first cousin immediately removed from this e-mailing. [ laughter and applause ] on my flight out here, i was seated in the emergency exit row, and the flight attendant was like, "you know, i was just wondering if in the event of an emergency you'd be willing to help out. " i was like, "yeah, totally. if you need anything, you come grab me. [ laughter ] but i was just wondering if maybe we could wait and see what kind of shape i'm in after the plane plummets 30,000 feet." [ laughter ]

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