we're back on this winesday, wednesday. today we have a very special guest other than hanna my niece. we have santa claus. he managed to squeeze in a little time to be with us. poor kathie lee is missing him up close and personal. he's going to slide down her chimney on christmas. she's over at the nbc experience store ready to hand out $100 to those who get the answers right. to those who don't, they get a copy of kathie lee's cd. oh, my gosh. people are cheering. okay. anyway, let's go to that first question, kath. >> oh, this isn't fair. look what i've got here. these three adorable little boys

from chesapeake bay, virginia. i've got a doggy, wolf and eagle. this is what your question is. name all nine of santa's reindeer. >> donder, vixen, blitzen, donder and cupid. >> rudolph. >> not rudolph. >> dasher. >> uh-huh, uh-huh. >> prancer. >> uh-huh, uh-huh. >> blitzen. >> i say they got it! >> tell us. tell us about all these reindeer, santa. >> that's right. dasher and dancer and prancer and vixen. comet and cupid and donder and blitzen. the most famous of all is rudolph, that's right. this one, she's the only girl reindeer. she helps me keep the boys in line. >> i didn't know. it's donder. not donner. people sometimes get it wrong. >> santa knows.

santa knows. >> thank you, santa. all right, kath. >> where did you say you're from? outside of chicago this gentleman's from. all right. in the famous holiday song where did the singer catch mommy kissing santa claus? >> under the mistletoe. >> yeah, baby. >> underneath that mistletoe. tell us about it, santa. >> it's always a bright time to sing. we sing a lot at the north pole. we sing "jingle bells," though! >> santa's pretty cool. all right. back across to kath. >> lovely lady from illinois. which holiday movie appears on tv more than any other christmas movie? "miracle on 34th street," "it's a wonderful life," "elf" or "a christmas story." >> "it's a wonderful life"? >> my favorite one. >> that is the most popular. >> it is. it's the most wonderful time of the year. and i know it. it's santa, that's right.

>> we were watching "elf" the other night. it's pretty good, too. >> remember what he said? i know him, i know him. >> back across to kath. >> look at this adorable girl from new orleans, hoda. true or false, sweetheart? thousands of children -- it might be a trick question, okay? thousands of children mail letters to santa claus each year. >> true? >> oh, it's more than thousands. sorry. but you're going to love my cd. >> i'm sure she will. how many more than thousands is it, santa? >> oh, hoda, millions. millions. in our belief campaign, children have written millions of letters to me at macy's. it's really wonderful because we help the children. >> yes, you do. by the way, hannah has skyped santa. we know there are more ways to get to santa than that. kathie lee, back across to you. >> lady lives in texas but she's from baton rouge. on the twelve days of christmas what did the singer's true love

send on the sixth day? >> geese a laying. >> wow. impressive. >> six geese a laying. >> that's right. it's really only four days to go. four days to go until christmas. >> what is it? four calling birds? three french hens? two turtle doves? back across. >> guess what? santa, it's not you that gives out free stuff. guess what our producers want to do? >> what? >> they want to give you the money, too! >> give her the money! >> merry christmas, huh? do we have time for one more? >> we do. >> who's next? where are you from? >> austin, texas. >> a lot of texas. okay. which of these companies was the first to use santa claus in an advertisement? pepsi, coca-cola, ford or chevy? >> coca-cola. >> wow! coca-cola was the first, huh, santa? >> absolutely. santa loves all kinds of drinks. especially milk with my cookies, right?

>> right on! can we squeeze one more? one more, kath. >> good, good. true or false. the first time new yorkers put up a christmas tree in rockefeller center was 1931. >> i think it was before then. but possibly it was then. >> i'm in a christmas spirit. >> i love it! she won. '31 was the very first tree out here, huh? >> that's right. you know what i tell boys and girls? you don't find the meaning of christmas under the tree. you find the true meaning of christmas in your heart, hoda. >> thanks, santa. you are the best. thanks, hannah, for sitting with me. if you're in the area and would like to visit with santa before he goes back to the north pole, you know where he'll be. macy's until 9:00 tonight. up next, kathie's going to sit down with the little ones and read a terrific christmas book, right after this. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer

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if you have children in your house, now might be an excellent time to gather them, grab a cozy blanket and listen to a wonderful, if i do say so myself, christmas story.

>> since she did write it. we invited some of our "today" show family kids to the reading of kathie's latest book called "the three gifts." you do a lot. you've got your show that will go to broadway and you have this show. >> my hope is to help children all over the place. okay? when you buy this book it helps children that really need a lot of help. it's called "the three gifts." auntie hoda is going to show you the pictures. >> i'm going to show you the pictures. here we go. >> one day in heaven a long time ago, god summoned three angels before him. he told them to sing of the birth of his son and to take three gifts to adore him. off from heaven the angels were sent, chanting sweet songs of joy. glory to god, grace and peace to all men, they sang as they searched for the boy. when suddenly, there, beneath a

great star, was bethlehem, tiny and still. where shepherds were gathered to worship the child, who'd been promised to all of goodwill. the angels grew silent as they drew near, for they knew they were on sacred ground. quiet, they whispered, for salvation is here, as glory shined bright all around. then the three angels bowed down with joy to see god's son newly born. asleep in a manger nearby. and they worshipped that first christmas morn. each of them wondered how god could allow his most precious possession to leave him. but they knew in their heart that some day the child would inspire the world to believe in him. they lifted their voices in songs of praise as the sweet

baby opened his eyes. and they offered the gifts they had brought from the lord, a trumpet, a star and a secret surprise. the trumpets announced that the savior was here and his star would guide us through darkness and fear. and the secret surprise that was sent from above? that if you open your heart, you will fill it with love. merry christmas, everybody. >> yay! >> thanks for coming, you guys. >> did you guys like that story? that was a pretty cool -- the illustrations, by the way, kath, are terrific. >> michael storrings who does the beautiful christmas ornament balls did all the beautiful illustrations. and he's just an absolute doll. thanks, everybody. i hope you enjoyed it. you still have time because there's, like, four days. >> so please go to the mall immediately. coming up next, you guys, a christmas breakfast courtesy of our friend giada. >> you guys should stick around. she makes the best stuff. >> it's delicious and tasty. right after this.

good morning. i'm meteorologist crystal yager with the weather channel. closer and closer to christmas day now. we'll show you who is going to see snow. our forecast has changed a bit as we head into the weekend. for today, thursday afternoon, more snow across the rockies, sboup the u.p. of michigan. we will not see snow in the east. too mild. looking at thunderstorms, a threat for severe storms in parts of the south and mostly rain into the tennessee valley here. temperatures really mild for december. 72 in atlanta. in new york city 55. clearing out for today and then the rain moves back in tonight and tomorrow. there's the coldest air but still not terribly cold for december. on friday snow showers from new mexico and oklahoma. a few snow showers across the western lakes there. and new england, we expect morning snow. but new york city you'll likely

be in the rain. may mix in with a few flakes but nothing to slow you down. on friday temperatures with that rain around will fall into the 40s across the northeast. and then as we head into saturday for christmas eve we start to clear out here. we don't expect a big snowstorm in the northeast, all the way down into florida, rain for the south and quiet across the west as well. on christmas day, we're looking at rain from the mid-atlantic all the way down into louisiana. snow showers around the lake. that's about it as far as our white christmas. a lot of snow on the ground however, especially in the rockies and otherwise, partly to mostly cloudy skies in most spots. on tuesday if you're going back to work or school showers moving back into the south and more rain as we head through the afternoon. so one more look at your forecast there. you can always "wake up with al"

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all righty. time to take you into "today's holiday kitchen" for a christmas morning breakfast. everybody knows that hoda's getting up early and opening up all of those presents can make hoda very, very hungry. guess who's here? >> giada's in the house! we love when she's here. >> your facial expression is priceless. >> i love that we're in our cozies, our jammies, like we are. like christmas morning. what are we going to cook? >> first -- >> oh, god. >> cheers. >> cheers. what's in there? >> it's a little mimosa. strawberry, lemon and basil mimosa. >> that adds a nice touch. >> i love it with the basil. >> i love this drink. >> i love everything giada does. i don't like sweet stuff.

i like you, giada. anywho. >> all right. we're going to cook real fast. >> so traditional italian bread. people don't know what to do with it other than just eat it like this. >> i've never seen it before. >> you haven't? >> i haven't either. >> it's a buttery bread. >> an italian fruitcake. >> it is, really. it's got raisins and orange in it. we cut it up. it's really good. it is sweet. >> that's all right. >> we dip it in here. oh, nevermind. >> giada, did you want me to help. would you like me to put some cream in it? >> i was making the mimosas. cream, milk and sugar. i know, very light. go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. okay. mix that all together. you're just making a little batter here. dip it in here. >> it's like french toast. >> correct. it's panettone french toast. we'll put it on the grill. grill it just for a few minutes.

i'm not going to flip it. >> she's exhausted. it's the end of the year. she's cooked enough. >> this is what it looks like when we're done. >> she has people that flip things for her. >> oh, come on, now! >> can we taste some? >> yes. there you go. these are hot, though, if you want to try these. >> yeah, these. >> a few minutes on each side. five minutes on each side. you have cinnamon, maple syrup. >> cinnamon. >> yes. homemade cinnamon and maple syrup. right over the top. nice and dark, see. powdered sugar. >> whatever you love. >> whatever you like. exactly. >> i'll have to try a bite. >> go, go, go. >> i can't. >> you already did? >> oh, lordy. before christmas you give it up? >> i gave it up three weeks ago. >> don't you do that, like, after? >> hopefully there's something i can eat. >> i doubt it. >> this is going to sound really strange to everybody. but everybody else makes oatmeal. >> yeah. >> we make polenta. for breakfast. >> i adore it.

>> basically like grits. it's cornmeal. add a little water and broth. we already did that. >> of course you did. >> you finish it with a little bit of milk like you do oatmeal. you don't have to if you don't want to. some cheese. >> uh-oh, gave up cheese, too. >> and butter. you loosen it all up like this. heat it up. it becomes very creamy like that. you can top it with whatever you want. cranberries and bacon. you can do raisins. brown sugar. i like the sweet and salty. >> that's everything you love, kath. >> i know it. >> another thing you can have for christmas breakfast if you're interested in something like that. >> that looks delicious. can i take it home and heat it up christmas morning? it looks delicious, hoda. >> try right there. the teeniest little bite. >> i can't. i gave it up. >> you do it. the hell with it. we'll do it. can you have bacon? >> i can have bacon. all that's left of me is my drink.

>> lastly, we've got chocolate espresso cups here. so it's chocolate and espresso. with a little whipped cream. >> we're all fasting! giada, love, love, love. up next, tony bennett spreads some christmas cheer. he can eat it. with a song. first, this is "today" on nbc.

tony bennett had a great year. his most recent album received three grammy nominations. unbelievable. >> now with 60 years full of songs, the music legend is releasing 73 cds worth of music. can you imagine? in his new box set called "tony bennet: the complete collection." as we sign off for the day we leave you with tony and a wonderful mel torme song called "the christmas song." god bless, everybody. >> good-bye, everybody. ♪ chestnuts roasting on an open fire ♪ ♪ jack frost nipping at your

nose ♪ ♪ yuletide carols being sung by a choir and folks dressed up like eskimos ♪ ♪ ev'rybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe help to make the season bright ♪ ♪ tiny tots with their eyes all aglow will find it hard to sleep tonight ♪ ♪ they know that santa's on his way ♪ ♪ he's loaded lots of toys and

goodies on his sleigh ♪ ♪ and every mother's child is gonna spy to see if reindeer really know how to fly ♪ ♪ and so i'm offering this simple phrase to kids from 1 to 92 ♪ ♪ although it's been said many times, many ways -- merry christmas to you ♪ -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com

>> thank you! merry christmas! >> announcer: it's "the tonight show with jay leno," featuring rickey minor and "the tonight show" band. tonight, jay welcomes -- from the new movie, "the muppets," actor jason segel. from "keeping up with the kardashians," kris jenner. the music of lyle lovett. and "ridiculous 911 lls." and now, jay leno! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: welcome! welcome to "the tonight show"! nice to have you all here! gentlemen -- [ cheers and applause ] hey, here's a story. [ cheers and applause ] interesting story i just -- i just saw in the paper. a new statistic shows that strength training injuries among women have jumped 53%. it said a great number of women are hitting the weight rooms now, and building up their muscles. so -- more bad news for herman cain. yeah, that's not good. [ laughter ] >> rickey: that's not good. >> jay: as you know by now, a a fourth woman has come forward, and accused herman cain of sexual harassment. this woman gave the details. pretty graphic. said herman cain tried to put his hand up her skirt, so now when cain says he's reaching out to the american people, you

know what he's reaching for. [ laughter ] that's right. "how are ya? how are you doing? how are you?" [ applause ] well -- at the press conference earlier tonight, herman cain said he doesn't remember this woman. he doesn't recognize her name or her face. her ass he kind of remembers. [ laughter ] "yeah, i think i remember -- yeah." he kind of remembers that, but the other things -- [ applause ] but cain said earlier tonight he would be willing to take a a lie detector test. but see, a lie detector -- that's kind of a double-edged sword. 'cause if he fails, his career is over. >> rickey: yeah. >> jay: and if he passes and it turns out he's not a liar, he's obviously not cut out for politics. [ laughter ] he's going to -- what are you gonna do? you can't -- [ applause ] well -- and earlier today, herman cain rejected calls that he should withdraw from the race. he said, "it ain't gonna happen." that's what he said. "it ain't gonna happen." which is ironically what women would say to him when he put his hand up their skirt. [ laughter ] "it ain't gonna happen!"

[ applause ] in fact -- today, cain released his new campaign slogan -- "hope and change the subject." that's what it is. [ laughter ] "hope and change the subject." and you knew -- you knew this was gonna happen. just a few minutes ago, right before you -- i just caught it. >> rickey: okay. >> jay: another woman has come forward and accused him. this is a woman who worked with herman cain in the fast food industry. here, take a look. here's the press conference. >> here. she told each of them separately -- shortly after mr. cain's sexual harassment -- [ laughter ] -- that mr. cain had engaged in sexually inappropriate behavior with her. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: very sad to see. it's sad. in economic news, there's now concern that italy could be the next country to collapse. see, i knew sending "the jersey shore" over there was a big mistake. [ laughter ] i knew this was gonna happen. >> rickey: knew it. [ applause ]

>> jay: nobody listened to me. well, speaking of that, snooki told "gq" magazine that if mtv showed the sober side of "the jersey shore" cast -- not always showing them drinking and hooking up -- people would like them more. in fact, you know what they call "the jersey shore" without the alcohol and no sex? canceled. okay? the show is canceled. [ laughter and applause ] well -- and a new poll taken abroad found that president obama's policies are more popular overseas than they are here in america. well, yeah. that's 'cause it's created more jobs overseas than here in america. [ laughter and applause ] that's why. of course it's more popular. [ applause ] here's a rather unusual report that released this week. the white house says there is no evidence at all that earth has been visited by aliens. do you believe that? see, we can't even find aliens sneaking across the border, okay? [ laughter ] how are we gonna find aliens -- i mean -- [ laughter ] >> rickey: no way. [ applause ]

>> jay: anyway, the white house -- the white house went on to say if there were life on other planets, we would have borrowed money by now. okay? [ light laughter ] so that's the truth right there. [ scattered applause ] but i was thinking about that. i mean, if the earth was visited by aliens, this could be a huge problem for the republican party. i mean, michele bachmann would want to deport them, rick perry would want to execute them, mitt romney would be undecided about what to do, and herman cain would try to take them up to his room. [ rim shot ] [ laughter and applause ] i don't know where you're going. [ applause ] and a new study shows that washington, d.c. -- this surprised me, i thought it would have been beverly hills or maybe new york, but washington, d.c. is the most shopaholic city in the u.s. did you know that? it has the most shopaholics in the country. well, of course, they're shopping with other people's money. that's why. [ light laughter ] i mean, wouldn't you shop? [ applause ] mentioned this last night,

researchers say they have found prostate cancer in a a 2,400-year-old egyptian money -- mummy. money. mummy. >> rickey: money. more money. >> jay: mummy. mummy. that's what it was. they would have discovered it sooner, but, you know, they got that government health care, so it takes a while over there. [ laughter ] well, i love this story. how's this for -- [ applause ] how's this for sour grapes? after losing a lawsuit with the tsa, former minnesota governor jesse ventura -- you all remember jesse, the wrestler. jesse the body? well, he said -- no, listen he said he's going to renounce his u.s. citizenship and live in mexico. some people are not too happy about this. i believe they're called mexicans. [ laughter ] yeah. and -- [ applause ] and after making $250,000 an episode from her former reality show, kate gosselin now says she has to clip coupons to make ends meet. so, sometimes the grocery

baggers gives her a strange look, but she just tells him, "hey, jon, if you had a better job, we wouldn't have to cut coupons." [ light laughter ] >> rickey: yeah. >> jay: so, it's one of those he said, she said. [ applause ] and wells fargo has just launched a new bank that will cater exclusively to customers worth $50 million or more. believe it's called the first bank of china. i believe that's the name. [ laughter ] hey, did you see this? a new study says that older americans are now 47 times richer than younger americans. so, if you're older and broke, at least you know what it's like to feel young again. yeah. [ laughter ] so that's kind of nice. yeah. [ applause ] ♪ and of course, over the weekend we gained one hour. i took advantage of it. i went swimming immediately after eating. yeah. [ laughter ] just to annoy my mother. these people trying to figure that out. i see people explaining. i can see these people going --

hey, it's now being reported that al jazeera tv is launching a 24-hour sports network. in fact, you know where members of al-qaeda watch sports? in their man cave. that's where they watch it. >> rickey: ah-ha. [ light laughter ] >> jay: all right, it's a a stupid -- it's a stupid joke. no, no. no mercy -- no mercy applause. [ scattered applause ] well, a man is recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the leg at sunday's patriots-giants game. the guy's lucky, this gun had gone off at a raiders game, 50,000 fans would have returned fire, so he's lucky. [ laughter ] he's actually lucky. [ applause ] oh, here you go. it's now time for a segment we call "road to the super bowl." tonight's edition involves new york jets quarterback mark sanchez. take a look. ♪ >> ever since a little boy can walk, he dreams of playing in the super bowl. he starts out on the gridiron in the pop warner leagues, and eventually, works his way through high school and college ball.

but if you're lucky enough to make it to the pros, don't act like a scared little wuss, you jackass. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: we'll be right back with "dealing with the public," and jason segel. say hello to rickey minor and "the tonight show" band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: welcome back to the show here tonight. he's an actor and a writer. you know him from "forgetting sarah marshall" and "i love you, man." he's also the man responsible for bringing back the muppet franchise. jason segel. jason segel is here. [ cheers and applause ] and the mother of the kardashian family, kris jenner will join us. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, she's got a -- i read her new book. it's good. i read it over the weekend. it's a good book. she writes about o.j. simpson in her new book. did you know that she and o.j. and nicole -- >> rickey: yeah. >> jay: -- were all friends. it's really interesting.

you learn some stuff. and we'll find out how kim is doing, too. we'll ask her about that. and later, music from one of our -- i love lyle lovett. lyle lovett will perform tonight as well. [ cheers and applause ] and also this week, "modern family"'s eric stonestreet will be here. kelsey grammar will be here. kelsey's got a terrific new show called "boss." >> rickey: yeah, it's really great. >> jay: this is the best thing i think he's ever done. and whitney cummings and rikki lake from "dancing with the stars" all coming by. now, folks, it's once again time to check out our latest collection of real 911 phone calls, police dash cam videos, and security camera footage in another installment of "dealing with the public." ♪ [ applause ] >> jay: you know, when you're a a 911 operator, you gotta be preparing for -- prepare for the worst possible people that call up with horrific, horrible tragedies. you've got to be on guard. these are people calling with the most important phone calls probably of their lives. listen to how coolly this operator handles this panicky call.

>> 911? >> i just need to ask a a question and see if you can help me out. >> okay. >> if you're using a word called cot and i'm not sure how to spell it, it sounds you would spell it like k-o-t-e or c-o-t. so like, is it is caught in a a situation? how would you spell that? >> c-a-u-g-h-t. >> slow down. do it again. [ laughter ] >> c-a-u-g-h-t. >> oh, you have to put the g-h-t in there? >> mm-hmm. >> oh, that's -- thank you. i really do appreciate it 'cause that was really bothering me. [ light laughter ] and you made that a whole lot easier for my morning. >> okay. have a good morning. >> all right. all right, thank you. bye. >> bye-bye. [ applause ] >> jay: it's one thing to have to deal with annoying people when you're open for business. but this real estate office had to set up a camera to deal with the public when they were

closed. watch what happens when these young urban professionals types try to -- watch what they do to this horse statue. there's a horse statue in front of the building. here, here. >> jay: look at this guy trying to get up. [ light laughter ] oh, ain't gonna work. no, ain't gonna work. gee, do you think there's alcohol involved here? let's try it again. [ light laughter ] oh, not working, not working. hey, man, let me give you a tip here, bob. here, come on. i'll show you how to do it. there you go! yeah, there you go! [ laughter ] a couple of geniuses! okay. [ applause ] there you go! that's three horse's asses right there. [ light laughter ] now, often when people call 911, they're stressed out. and that causes them not to be as polite as they should be. you know, i'm amazed at how restrained and professional this 911 operator is. this is like the rudest call. i would have hung up. i would have shot this guy. listen. >> do you need medical attention? >> yeah. >> what is wrong? >> i don't know. let them check it out. i ain't no [ bleep ] doctor.

[ light laughter ] i ain't no nurse either. >> and what's the phone number that you're calling from? >> i gave you the [ bleep ] damn address. that's enough. >> is your phone number 407 [ bleep ]? >> well, if you know the [ bleep ] number why'd you ask me? [ laughter ] >> because i need to confirm it with you, sir. >> are you gonna send somebody here or are you gonna [ bleep ] around on the phone? [ laughter ] >> sir, i have problem sending you help, okay? the paramedics will come and they'll check you. >> all right. you got it. [ applause ] >> jay: what was that? what was that? actually won a vibe award for best rap phone call. yeah. [ light laughter ] now, this next clip was shot by a camera phone by a person on a a plane. this woman was being loud, abusive, disruptive. the plane could not take off because this woman was making such a racket. the police were called in to escort her off the plane. now listen to the other passenger's reaction when this unruly woman asked for help. she wants help. listen to their reaction. >> stop touching me! stop it! leave me alone!

stop it! stop! somebody help me! somebody help me! [ laughter ] >> na, na, na, na. >> jay: look at the cell phone. [ applause ] [ applause ] >> jay: you know, the patience of some police officers is just amazing. watch how this one particular officer handles administrating a field sobriety test to a guy who was obviously just loaded. do you even have to give him the test? but, to be fair, you've got to give them that sobriety test. >> put your feet together for me. all the way together. all the way together. put your feet -- put your toes together, too. [ light laughter ] put your toes together. and your heels, too. your toes and your heels. put your toes in. your heels -- sir, stand like i am. >> oh! >> there you go.

now when i tell you to start, i want you to pick up any leg of your choice just like i'm doing. straight out in front of you. lift it up off the ground. [ laughter ] lift it up off the ground. >> sorry. >> pick the leg up. pick the leg up. [ laughter ] what are you doing? pick a leg up! i fooled my fool. is that what i'm doing? i want you to take nine steps. walk in a straight line, heel to toe. i'll ask you to watch me first. don't do anything until i tell you to, okay? >> okay. >> here's what i want you to do. >> okay. >> get ready. one, two. get back over there. get back over there. [ laughter ] stay right here. stay right here. face my car. where you going? [ laughter ] fella, come on back here. >> all right. >> stand right here for me. turn around. [ laughter ] unbelievable. [ applause ] >> jay: there you go! watch for him on the next episode of "dancing with the stars." now, this next clip is from a a car dealership security camera. the new car owner, obviously very excited to drive the new

car out of the showroom, on to the streets for the very first time. maybe he's just a little too excited. watch what happens here. okay, look at this. there's the door open. he drives out. ready to get on the road. should he go left or right? yeah, maybe i'll just keep going straight. [ laughter ] yeah, here we go. look at this. [ audience ohs ] he goes -- look. watch this. okay. okay, now look at this. now he starts playing frogger! look at this! nope. is he gonna get hit? is he gonna get hit? is he gonna to? no! he makes it! [ cheers and applause ] he makes it! yes! "dealing with the public." be right back with jason segel right after this! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ girl's voice ] hey todd, where's our sub? [ boy's voice ] i've already given my sub to sally. sally?!?! [ girl's voice ] hey samantha. how could you. [ male announcer ] get your own subway steak melt. like the irresistible big philly cheesesteak. subway. eat fresh.

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] everyone deserves the gift of a pain free holiday. ♪ ♪ this season, discover aleve. all day pain relief with just two pills. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: all righty. my first guest, one of the funniest young actors working today. you know him from the hit movies "forgetting sarah marshall" and "i love you, man." his new movie "the muppets," will be in theaters november 23rd. people just love this new movie. it's just great, really funny. please welcome jason segel. jason!

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: that's pretty good. >> they can't see at home, but that was -- half the audience stood up. >> jay: that's right! that's a semi-standing ovation. >> absolutely. >> jay: i always like those people that reserve judgment. they go, "well -- no, i'm not sure," and then -- >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jay: now, i understand you were hanging out with president clinton recently. i read that -- i read that in a a gossip column. >> yes, yes. it was all over tmz. >> jay: yes, yes. >> no, i think us liberals call it that we were hanging out. >> jay: yeah. >> he had a big birthday celebration at the hollywood bowl, and i got subbed in at the last minute to present something. >> jay: oh, okay. >> because like, sean penn couldn't make it? >> jay: oh, okay. >> so, the next natural choice, obviously, is -- >> jay: oh, sure. sure.

>> -- call up jason segel. so, i show up at this thing, and i'm in the room and it's bono and, like, lady gaga. >> jay: right. >> and president -- former president bill clinton. >> jay: wow. >> and i've never more out of place, but i thought, "all right, you know what? it's worth it, because i'll remember this moment for the rest of my life." and then, president clinton came up to talk to me, and at that point, from then on, i have no recollection. [ laughter ] >> jay: really? >> at all! none. i have no recollection what happened. i know he was charming. >> jay: yeah? >> i don't think i said anything at all. you know, the same thing -- i'm bad with this stuff. the same thing happened backstage with lyle lovett. he came into my room he was like, "hey, i just want ot say i'm a big fan," and i think i just stared at him. [ laughter ] >> jay: wow. >> yeah. one time i was on a red carpet, and brad pitt and angelina jolie came up to me and they said, "hey, we just watched 'sarah marshall,' we just wanted to say hi, great job." and my response was, "oh, my god. it's you." >> jay: wow. [ laughter ] >> yeah.

[ applause ] >> jay: and you know, i noticed, yet -- yet you have no trouble talking with me. i find that interesting. [ laughter ] >> no, not at all. >> jay: you seem very relaxed. you seem to remember the whole conversation. >> absolutely. this is very easy for me. >> jay: well, you know, that's quite flattering. >> yes. >> jay: now, also you're gonna be hosting "saturday night live." is this your first time? [ cheers and applause ] that's very exciting. >> thank you. this is my first time hosting "saturday night live." i really, really wanted to do it my whole life. it's on the list of childhood dreams. >> jay: you have a list of childhood dreams? >> i do. >> jay: okay, so this is one of them? >> "saturday night live," is one of them. working with "the muppets," and this is totally true, is one of them, and the last one to achieve is the cover of "men's health." [ laughter ] >> jay: the cover of "men's health" magazine? >> and i'm trying -- i'm trying to will it into existence. >> jay: yeah, yeah. >> so i carry this around with me. >> jay: is that -- oh, here you go.

>> that's what it will look like. >> jay: well, let's show what it -- [ laughter ] oh, that's what it will look like. yeah, i was gonna say -- [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm, like, so close -- >> jay: so close to looking -- >> -- to looking like that. [ laughter ] >> jay: yeah, i think you're about two feet away. >> yeah. >> jay: exactly. yeah, yeah. see, that's nice, you can fool women with this. >> yeah. i also want to remake "300," but i'll call it "300 pounds." >> jay: 300 pounds? [ laughter ] so what are you -- are you writing sketches now for "saturday night live?" >> i'm trying to think of stuff, but yeah, those guys are so talented. i might do my andre the giant impression. >> jay: andre the giant? >> my famed andre the giant impression. >> jay: and how does that go? >> it goes like this. not many people do an andre the giant. >> jay: no, i don't know anyone. >> okay, ready? ready, america, and the rest of the world? [ cheers and applause ] all right, here we go. [ imitates andre ] "anybody want a peanut?" [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: that was quite good, actually. >> thank you. >> jay: so what else have you been up to? what else have you been doing?

>> well, here's the problem. i work -- i do a tv show full time. >> jay: right. >> and i'm doing these movies, so i truly do have no personal life -- at all. i don't want to spoil the illusion of the talk show, but there is something -- you do a a pre-interview before you come out where jay takes you to disneyland and you talk about what you might do on the show -- >> jay: right, right, yeah. >> and you asked me what sort of stories do i have from my personal life, and i said i don't have any. so i set up an e-mail address called jason segel needs stories at gmail.com. and if you send your best personal story, i will read it on a talk show, and so i brought one today. >> jay: you have one? okay. all right. [ cheers and applause ] now, are you putting yourself in the story, or are you just reading their story? >> no. i'm reading it -- i'm reading it basically verbatim. i cut out some of the curse words. [ laughter ] >> jay: right. >> these are sent by just random people. this was my favorite. so far judd apatow and adam levine from "maroon 5" were nice enough to tweet that

i needed this, and we have like, 2,000 stories already. okay, here it is. "so, it's the weekend of my wedding. the ceremony and reception are in nashville, tennessee on saturday, and my buddies have the brilliant and responsible idea of throwing the bachelor party the night before. i reluctantly agree, and i see this as an opportunity to score points with my father-in-law. here's the deal, he doesn't like me. i'm not certain why, but he doesn't. i've gone fishing with him, golfing, i've tried to read the books he likes, everything, and he doesn't like me. it's infuriating because he's gonna be in my life, and i need him to like me. so, i invite him to the bachelor party. it couldn't be going better. for the first time ever, i can tell he sees me and respects me as a man. we had plenty of drinks together, and with each one we seem to be growing closer." going well. "the next thing i remember is waking up still wearing the same clothes and i have no idea where i am. i look around and i realize that i am on a greyhound bus that has just stopped in louisville, kentucky, because her dad has got me drunk and shipped me across the country." [ laughter and applause ]

>> jay: wow. wow. wow. >> we don't need to read the rest. >> jay: no, that's a horrible story. >> that's what happened. the last line is -- he made it back to the wedding. "as my bride walked hand in hand with her father towards me, his eyes met mine and he smiled. to this day i don't know if that was a smile of acceptance or that he really does just hate me." [ applause ] >> jay: wow, what a lovely story. more with jason right after this. we'll be right back with "the muppets." [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: welcome back. talking with jason segel. now -- so, tell us about this muppet movie. tell me the whole story and congratulations, by the way. >> thank you. >> jay: you wrote it and you star in it. >> yeah. yeah. i've been writing this movie for four years. >> jay: okay. >> yeah. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] those people love four years. >> jay: yeah. yeah. >> that's not the muppets. i fell in love with the muppets when i was a kid.

i think for a young comedian they're sort of the gateway into comedy -- >> jay: right. >> -- and lead into "monty python" -- >> jay: sure. >> -- and "saturday night live." they're just a force for good, and i feel like -- no, it's true. i know it's crazy to hear me talk about it. i'm in love with them. they remind us of, like, the best version of ourselves. they're who we wanted to be when we were kids, and i realize the last muppet movie was 12 years ago. so, kids 0 to 12 -- >> jay: yeah, they don't know. >> -- they've grown up without a muppet movie in their lives and darn it, jay, that seemed wrong. >> jay: that is wrong. [ laughter ] well, you were an athlete in school. i mean, was it weird being an athlete in high school and loving the muppets? that doesn't seem like -- >> i had a secret puppet stash. but i was a weird kid, i also wore a superman cape under my clothes until i was 12. >> jay: really? >> i am not exaggerating. now you find out. but yeah, i loved puppets and, you know, it was a very early memory of hanging out with my mom. she was a comedy dork like me. >> jay: yeah. >> and is a

a comedy dork like me and she taped all "the muppet show" episodes and made sure i watched them, showed me the muppet movies and then she showed me "harold and maude" when i was ten. there's a reason i i'm weird. >> jay: i've remember seeing "sarah marshall" you had those puppets in that. >> that's where it started. the jim henson company designed those puppets -- >> jay: okay. >> -- and -- and then i found out that disney now owns the muppets so i went to them and i asked them if i could write the new muppets movie and they laughed because i had just done full frontal nudity. >> jay: well that's what i'm thinking about. >> yeah. >> jay: i remember seeing -- you have that full frontal nudity, and a lot of full frontal nudity. >> yeah, you're welcome, by the way. >> jay: and i was thinking -- [ laughter ] yeah, yeah. and disney is so straight laced. >> yeah. well, then i explained to them that i got that idea from kermit. he's always doing full frontal. [ laughter ] >> jay: well that's -- no. >> i've never seen kermit in pants. >> jay: you know what i because it came from my wife. >> what movie? >> jay: we were watching you and you came out fully naked

and she said he looks like a a gia >> yeah. >> jay: you're like a kid. >> yeah. you're like a giant 2-year-old. >> yeah. >> jay: see, it's not like -- it's not like a naked brad pitt. >> jay: it's more like a naked muppet. >> no -- yeah. what -- >> jay: but in a good way. [ laughter ] >> yeah. what i've come to terms with, jay, is that me naked has crossed the line somehow away from sexy to funny. [ laughter ] >> jay: yeah. that's true. you're right. >> that's fine. i can deal with it. >> jay: yeah, yeah. i mean with disney, of course, it's the naked baby. >> yeah. and i think they were worried a a little that i was doing it with a sense of irony and then it doesn't take long, you can see the way i'm talking to you about it now to see that i'm a a muppet purist. i love them and i just -- i just want them back in our lives so badly. [ laughter ] >> jay: but, were they nervous when you handed in the script? only because disney is -- like, if anybody does even a joke about mickey or uses them in any kind of, you know, non- g-rated way -- >> sure. >> jay: i mean, the lawyers -- they come running. >> yeah, yeah. well, the muppets, you know,

people forget because they've sort of -- they've grown up in recent years with a more watered down version of the muppets -- >> jay: yeah. >> -- but they subversive when they first started. "the muppet show" pilot was called "muppets sex and violence." >> jay: oh, is that right? >> that's the truth. >> jay: okay. >> and they were all over first season of "saturday night and part of the fun of being a a kid and watching the muppets with your parents is that you felt like you were watching something a little naughty >> jay: yeah, yeah. >> like a little bit dangerous, it was this controlled chaos that could bubble over and you see this movie and it feels like that, but you walk out with such a smile on your face. >> jay: the funny thing about the movie that made me laugh is a muppet is your brother. >> yes. >> jay: but, they don't explain >> we just decided that w [ laughter ] there's a great -- there's a great joke in "the great muppet caper" where inexplicably kermit the frog and fozzy bear are playing identical twins. >> jay: right, okay. >> and they never explain that either. people keep confusing them for each other. it's very muppety. >> jay: and a great cast. tell people who's in it. >> yeah, well there's the

lovely amy adams. >> jay: oh, yeah. [ cheers and applau >> yeah. i wrote the part for amy adams, and i didn't know if she would do the movie so kermit and i made a dvd begging her to do the movie. >> jay: yeah. >> and i'm so glad she chose to do it because it would have been like, incriminating evidence. it's really pandering and weird. and we got chris cooper. academy award-winner chris cooper. [ applause ] >> jay: yeah, he's very good. >> yeah. >> jay: and there's a lot of i don't want to give anything >> yeah, i would like to say i'm going to give one thing away. >> jay: yeah. >> chris cooper >> jay: he does. >> academy award winner chris cooper raps an he's, like, a proper actor and he kept telling me, "oh, i'm really -- i've been working on my hip-hop number." [ laughter ] >> jay: really? >> yeah. he cares. >> jay: did you write it for -- the hip-hop number for him? >> yeah i thought, "if chris cooper is going to do this movie let's see if i can get him >> jay: now, what is this clip we're going to see? what's happening here? >> this clip is my where brother walter, who you guys are going to fall in love with, he's my new favorite thing on earth, go to find kermit and we arrive at kermit's house and it seems abandoned.

and we don't know how to get in. >> jay: and the muppets are kind of not washed up at this point -- >> the muppets at this point -- >> jay: -- but, not doing well. >> they've disbanded throughout the world. >> jay: wow! >> because they're not necessarily famous anymore in the context of the story. >> jay: let's take a look. >> i don't see a door bell and the house looks empty. >> gary, throw me over. >> what? >> gary, just throw me over already. >> okay. >> okay, here we go. >> one -- >> okay. >> -- two, three. >> that's good. good. >> sorry. that's good. >> i think that's an electric fence. >> mary, it's kermit the frog. >> okay, buddy, head down. one, two, three. >> ooh! ahh! >> it's an electric fence. >> yep. >> oh, my gosh. walter? walter? buddy? walter, can you hear me? >> throw me again. [ laughter and applause ] >> jay: jason, i know you've got to go buddy, he's got to go to work. great job. congratulations on "the muppets." >> thank you so much. >> jay: it opens on november 24th. >> thank you. >> jay: we'll be right back with kris jenner.

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] get your own subway steak melt. like the meaty, irresistible & unforgettable big philly cheesesteak. subway. eat fresh. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: my next guest is the mother and star of e! network's very popular series, "keeping up with the kardashians." she's written her first book entitled, "kris jenner and all things kardashian." it's in stores right now. read it over the weekend. fascinating read. please welcome kris jenner! kris, come on out! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> love that song! >> jay: welcome back. you look great. >> thank you. thank you. >> jay: and happy birthday. you had a birthday. >> thank you. i did. [ cheers and applause ] i did. just celebrated. everybody in my family celebrated a birthday this week. kendall, bruce, me, kim, the whole group. we got it all out of the way in the same week. >> jay: really? >> so, yeah. i'm exhausted. >> jay: it's like you guys never do anything alone. it's always hundreds of people involved. >> as a group, as a family, we roll together. that's what we do. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: now, i have to ask you something. since your birthday was saturday, did you happen to watch "saturday night live" on saturday? >> i think that was my birthday present. >> jay: was that it, yeah? >> from nbc, yeah. >> jay: what was your reaction there? >> you know what? i thought it was incredibly funny. >> jay: okay. >> and i thought she -- kristen wiig -- got me spot on. and as i said a couple of days ago, i just want to know where

she got those earrings. because i love them. >> jay: yeah, really? >> yeah. >> jay: now, i read your book. and i must admit, i said, i'll go, okay, i'll read a couple pages. >> yeah. >> jay: but, actually, i really got into it. i learned a lot of stuff. now -- >> you did? >> jay: yeah. you had a -- i didn't know this about you. when you were eight years old. tell us w y >> well, i scare i had -- i got a bone tumor. and my mom took me to the doctor. and they said we have to and she's got a tumor in her leg. and if it's cancerous, in those days -- and it was a long time ago, trust me. they would have to amputate my leg. and so my mom had me go into surgery and she didn't know whether i would come out with or without a leg. so i was in the clear, and it came out. and she was -- it taught us, as a family, a lot of things. and that, like, you don't take anything for granted. no matter how old you are. and i learned a lot of -- you know, a young lesson. but that took me through my whole life. >> jay: now how old were you when you met your husband? your first husband, robe >> >> jay: yeah. >> i was 17, >> it sounds like a "sound of music" movie.

>> jay: wow, okay, yeah. >> but yeah >> jay: >> we met at the racetrack. he came up to me with, like, you know, like a silly line from -- that a guy would use. like, is your name jackie? i used to girl named jackie. and i said, "if you used to date a girl named jackie, you would know i'm not jackie." [ light laughter ] so he tried that. i did not give him the phone number. >> jay: right. >> and in those days, you could he had a friend that he had that worked for the phone company. and they got my phone number because i had given him my name. >> jay: see, today that would be called stalking. >> yeah. [ laughter ] well, he was a cute stalker. >> jay: okay. >> and just after months of him being persistent, we eventually, you know, dated for four years. got married. married 12 1/2, 13 years. and then, unfortunately, got divorced. >> jay: yeah. now, you talk about -- and you're quite honest about that. >> mm-hmm. >> jay: and that was pretty much your fault? >> it was. well, i got -- i met him -- he was, like, the only guy that i had dated, which, you know, when you're very young, you do a lot of stupid things. and it's probably the biggest

regret in my life that i ended up having an affair which i talk about in the book. and probably just really naive and stupid and restless. and didn't realize that, you know, marriage has its ups and downs. somebody once told me it's like a rollercoaster and you just ride it out. but i wasn't really old enough to hear those words. and so i learned a lot from that experience. and went through a very emotional divorce, and then steve garvey and his wife, candace, set bruce and i up on a blind date. >> jay: okay. >> met and married bruce, and we had two more kids. >> jay: okay. now when -- i did not know this. maybe i did and i had forgotten it. >> mm-hmm. >> jay: but you and your husband and o.j. and nicole were, like, best friends. when did you first meet o.j. simpson? >> i met o.j. simpson when i met robert kardashian. so basically, i knew o.j. my entire adult life. and then when robert and i got divorced -- well, we had a very close relationship. so every, you know, christmases and holidays and family vacations and giving birth to kids, everything, we did together. >> jay: yeah. did you ever see any sort of

violent side or scary -- did you ever think, oh boy, he kind of scared me tonight when he was drinking? or -- i mean, you hang out, you know, get to know people after you hang out with them. >> right. >> jay: i mean, did you feel anything like that? >> no, he was a very charismatic guy who was always a lot of fun to be around. and he was always the life of the party. and that's the o.j. i knew. >> jay: mm-hmm. >> yeah. >> jay: okay, now this trial was obviously hard on your family. >> yeah, a terrible thing to go through when you have two parents -- robert and i had and they were, you know, sort of stuck in the middle. because it was kourtney, kimberly, khloe and robert were little, and we and we were going through this terrible tragedy and we were on opposite sides of the fence, so to speak. robert was defending o.j. and i was -- one of nicole's dear friends. >> jay: and he wasn't just his lawyer. he really believed he was innocent? >> mm-hmm. robert actually wrote me a a letter the night before the trial and brought it over to the house. and i published that letter in my book because i thought it

was really important for people to know what -- it's a very emotional letter. >> jay: and did you think he was guilty? >> you know what? you'll have to read the book. it's not a yes or a no. it's, like, a whole -- it's a a long conversation that i have. and i spell out my point of view. when you go through something like that, you definitely have your own perspective. >> jay: right, okay. now, you produced "kourtney and kim take new york." >> mm-hmm. >> jay: okay, that was done, like, months and months ago, right? >> yes. >> jay: now -- >> well, we -- yeah, we wrapped a couple months ago >> jay: so kris humphries is in that. did you edit him ou what happens t >> no. no, no. >> jay: i do i don't know. this is why we ask these questions. people "snip, snip" and it never happened. >> you know what? [ light laughter ] we decided a long time ago, when we first started doing these shows to be really just raw and not edit ourselves. >> jay: okay. >> and we do as you see all the so i think everybody will -- will get a real, you know, fascinating glimpse into, you know, the kids' journey in new york city. >> jay: like, the first time

you met kris, was that on film? >> no. >> jay: no. did you like him the first time you met him? >> yeah. nice guy. >> jay: okay. >> very tall. >> jay: yeah, he is very tall. >> yeah, he's very tall. >> jay: did you think they would marry? >> well, you know, here's the thing. when i met and married bruce jenner in five months. >> jay: okay. >> i mean, i don't meet every guy that kim dates and go, "she going to marry this." no. she wears her heart on her romantic. but when they told me they were getting married, i had no reason to, like, think this is a big red flag. >> jay: right. >> khloe and lamar got married in 30 days. met and married in 30 days. gave me nine days to plan a a wedding. >> jay: okay. >> and everybody's like, "what?" and they are the two most hopelessly in love kids i know. >> jay: now, there's all these rumors about reconciliation with kris. do you think that will happen? >> you know, i don't know. i really don't know. he has been on the road. she's trying to figure it out. she's had a very difficult decision she had to make. >> jay: yeah. >> and she's -- i told her follow your heart and the only thing i can do is be here for

you, you know? she's my daughter, and i have to respect what she's going through. >> jay: but is it hard to follow your heart when you have so much pressure from so many outside -- >> mm-hmm. >> jay: i mean, let's say you're getting close to this wedding and you're thinking, am i rushing into this? there's no way you can back out, is there? because you've got commitments and tv and film and flower people? and just all these -- >> yeah. no, it's a lot of pressure. i don't know what was going on in her head. but i know she's going to be here in a week or two, and maybe you could ask her that. >> jay: i will ask her that. i will ask her that. >> yeah, no i just -- i don't, i mean, i can't tell you what her innermost thoughts and feelings were because i don't know. she's been -- went to australia and came home. >> jay: yeah. >> and she went to minnesota. she came home. and now she's in atlanta. >> jay: okay. >> and filming a movie. and she's just trying to kind of throw herself into her work and keep her obligations fulfilled. and i really have to give her -- it's a very brave thing she did. it's not the most popular thing

in the world to have done what she did. and she didn't want to disappoint anybody, let alone her family. i mean i had to, like, have a a good, stiff drink before i told my mother, you know. >> jay: yeah >> i mean, that was really hard for me. >> jay: yeah. >> you know, i just, like, >> jay: i mean, did they rush into divorce? i mean, should they have just separate for a little while before you make this official -- why? >> that's a really good -- i don't know. i don't know. that's a good question for kim, though. >> jay: okay, now, rob, on the other hand he's off doing -- >> oh, my god, the light of my life! >> jay: he's doing "dancing with the stars." [ cheers and applause ] >> he's so good! are you guys watching rob? >> jay: yeah. >> yeah? >> jay: and are you going over there tonight to see him? >> i am racing to the dance floor, to the ballroom rig after this because they're going to, you know, the elimination is tonight. >> jay: you know, you should do the show. >> me? >> jay: yeah. >> oh my gosh. [ cheers ] >> jay: you're the only -- you should do it. you're th done it. >> i don't know if have i don't know if i can take kind of time off. >> jay: we're gonna get you the show. >> it would be good exercise. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: here's the new book. "kris jenner, all things

kardashian." be back with lyle lovett right after this.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: my next guest is a a grammy-winning singer and songwriter who is a good friend of ours. he'll be in san francisco on saturday at the warfield theater. tonight, he's joined by legendary musician and producer to perform a song from the "listen to me: buddy holly" tribute cd. great cd. please welcome lyle lovett featuring peter asher. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ well all right so i'm being foolish well all right let people know ♪ ♪ about the dreams and wishes you wish and the night when lights are low ♪ ♪ well all right

well all right we will live and love with all our might ♪ ♪ well all right well all right our lifetime love will be all right ♪ ♪ ♪ well all right so i'm going steady it's all right when people say ♪ ♪ that these foolish kids can't be ready for the love that comes their way ♪ ♪ well all right well all right we will live and love with all our might ♪ ♪ well all right well all right our lifetime love will be all right ♪

♪ ♪ well all right well all right we will live and love with all our might ♪ ♪ well all right well all right our lifetime love will be all right ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: lyle lovett, peter asher. nice job, gentlemen! peter, thank you! >> thank you very much. >> jay: that was fantastic. i want to thank my guests. jason segel, kris jenner and, of course, lyle lovett. tomorrow night, kelsey grammer