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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  October 23, 2015 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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problem this weekend over the higher terrain. but with a storm that strong, scene tomorrow morning. good night. band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) >> steven! steven!
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steven! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much. you look... welcome to the show! why not? why not? let's do another. welcome to the show. thank you very much. please sit down. welcome to the late show. i'm stephen colbert, your late night host and sommelier. i recommend pairing tonight's show with cheetohs and no pants. that's how i enjoy me. i'm happy to have you here for my second-ever friday show. ( cheers and applause ) two. well, actually, that's not true. yesterday's "thursday night football" went so long that my show last night didn't air until
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so, technically, this is my third friday show and second show today. so i think that means we're all getting paid time and a half right now. i love football because even when all seems lost, like it did for denver last night, peyton manning dug down deep, never gave up, and found a way to win. all i'm saying to peyton is maybe when it's getting close to 11:35, would you mind digging down a little less deep? or just as deep, but dig faster? that you have to use all four downs, okay. just do your best on the first two, then courtesy fumble. i hope tonight's show is on before dawn, because we've got a actress lupita nyong'o is here! ( cheers and applause ) oscar winner. oscar winner.
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she might be our first oscar winner. she was born in mexico and raised in kenya, so she fills out every square in the donald trump fear bingo card. ( laughter ) hey! we've got a winner also, i'll also be speaking with democratic presidential candidate senator bernie sanders. ( cheers and applause ) wow! wow. you hear that. that is crazy. ( cheers and applause ) that's crazy. >> they like bernie. they feel the "bern." >> stephen: i cannot believe-- this man, i understand your excitement. this man is a self-described socialist, which for me is awkward because tonight's show is brought to you by capitalism. "capitalism: it's where the
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yup. and we'll have a performance by the cast of broadway's "an american in paris." ( cheers and applause ) not until the end of the show. that's at the end of the show. don't forget to put on your leotard and follow along with our home game. oh! oh, ladies and gentlemen. are you suddenly fighting the urge to get up and get down? if you feel it, let your body reveal it. no one can steal it, and no court can appeal it. because you're listening to his honor jon batiste but one more thing. this fall, select taco bell and wine. for the rest of the locations,
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drunk. ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: tonight, i welcome academy award winner lupita nyong'o... senator bernie sanders... a performance from "an american in paris." featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert!" ( cheers and applause ) whoo! stephen! stephen! stephen!
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stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that's not bad. well, well, well, shucks, everybody. you know, i may just be a simple country boy and maybe i shouldn't even be weighin' in on high-falutin' goin's on like politickin', but somebody dun gone and went and did done give me a show on the tv. y'all mind if i talk about the election this year? ( cheers and applause ) the 2016 presidential race is gearing up, and you can tell because, lately, the news has been full of disturbing reminders that there's a place called iowa. ( laughter ) welcome back, old friend. welcome back. we remember you. and so far, most of the attention has been on the
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i don't know why. ( laughter ) but... ( laughter ) the actual size of his head, by the way. here's some fun trivia. there are also democrats running for president. and the democratic nomination was supposed to be a cake walk to a slam dunk. a cake dunk. hillary clinton's got name recognition, tons of cash, and seven enchanted horcruxes. but... cannot be destroyed. cannot be destroyed. but a funny thing happened on the way to her nomination-- and it's vermont senator and guy in front of you at the deli trying to return salami, bernie sanders. ( cheers and applause ) "it was supposed to be lean. you promised me this was lean salami. this is not lean!"
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thrilled he's here. ( cheers and applause ) well, i'll tell you, i'll tell universal health care so you can have that burn checked out. but his popularity is surprising because he's a self-described socialist, who would also be our oldest president ever. the man is 74 years old. that's five years older than donald trump, and 50 years older than anyone trump would marry. ( applause ) and yet, he's now 10 points ahead of hillary clinton in iowa. ( cheers and applause ) 22 points ahead of her in new hampshire. this is the most shocking political upset since the last time it happened to her. ( laughter ) and, folks, the bern notice is rocking rallies all over the country. >> senator bernie sanders spoke in front of two more huge crowds yesterday.
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people at a rally last night in virginia. and earlier in the day, the senator addressed a crowd of about 12,000 at liberty university. >> sanders had 27,500 in the sports arena in los angeles in august. that is remarkable. 11,000 in phoenix. 28,000 in portland. on a sunday. >> stephen: a guy in his 70s filling staduims? who does he think he is, a rolling stone? sanders... sanders is even-- do i have it here, yes? sanders is even on the cover of this week's "time" magazine. ( cheers and applause ) people are dying to get on that cover. i apparently did. ( cheers and applause ) one of these people wants to rule a country. the other wants to make you
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can you guess which one it is? folks, for this guy, it is-- for sanders, it's a meteoric rise. that's right, he's rising, like meteors do. and it is really confusing the tv people. >> why has bernie sanders all of a sudden done so well? >> how is he able to get these huge crowds? >> how do you explain that? >> how do you explain it? > why is he doing well? >> how is it possible? >> why is that happening? >> how can this be happening? >> what's happening? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: as you can see, hillary clinton is just as confused as everyone else. why on earth is sanders doing so well, especially with the hip young people? it might be it might be that though he's a senator from vermont, he's originally from brooklyn. ( cheers and applause
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while every other candidate is as slick as an mp3 player, bernie is as warm as old vinyl. in fact, he put out a cassette of folk songs, and this is real. let's take a listen to one of the tracks. as i went walking that ribbon of highway. i saw above me that endless skyway. i saw below me that golden valley me cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i'm not saying he didn't put his heart in that one, but you really do not
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expect that to come out after the reggae intro. ( laughter ) you expect him to at least attempt a reggae song after that. "i have a message for hillary clinton. pass the... left-hand side. on to new hampshire!" i think-- i think-- i think that makes him come across as incredibly authentic, because when you look at this man, when you listen to that album, i group in the world asked for ( laughter ) we'll be right back with lupita
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, folks. i'm sorry. just give me a second. i'm going to take my pills for the thing that is fine. and why shouldn't it be fine? i'm taking pills for it. these days, there's a pill for everything.
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some of our greatest pharmaceutical advances have come in the science of bonerology. today, we can give a 91-year-old man sitting outdoors in cold bath water an erection that will last for six hours, or the rest of his life, whichever comes first. ( laughter ) and thanks to a new scientific breakthrough, women might timely care. >> what's got everybody talking this morning? female viagra. it's on its way. >> the fda approving the little pink pill for the very first time. >> the pill is called flibanserin. >> stephen: that's right, female viagra. it's called flibanserin-- combining "f" for female, "lib"- - as in libido, and "anserin"-- as in, answerin' the prayers of all those old men with petrified wood. ( laughter ) ( applause )
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pharmaceutical company sprout. not to be confused with the children's cable channel of the same name, which is what kids can watch while gammy and pee- pop get it on. ( laughter ) now, personally, i was unaware that women ever had trouble when it comes to sexual satisfaction. all the women i've ever dated told me the amount of sex they'd had was sufficient. ( laughter ) they definitely didn't need any more. i don't mean to brag, but one dose would hold them for years. but apparently, some women suffer from what pharmaceutical companies have decided to call "hypoactive sexual desire disorder," which they claim is a real thing and not just the name of my 1970s electric funk concept album. to treat that condition, flibanserin influences the level of serotonin and dopamine in the brain, helping women whose lack of sexual desire is "not attributable" to relationship troubles. ( laughter )
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so it's perfect for anyone who's in a happy, sexless marriage. and it works... ish. because women who took flibanserin in clinical trials reported two to three of what they defined as "sexually satisfying events" per month. that's an increase of "one event per month more than for women who got a placebo." though far fewer than women who skipped the study and went to see "magic mike xxl." ( cheers and applause ) of course... the whole thing is depressing. of course, both subject groups reported less satisfaction than patients who were given ecstasy and released into a bouncy but this drug... this drug right suffering from lack of sexual desire. one of the women who took flibanserin regained her libido despite her full-time job and six kids. hmm, i don't know why she has low sexual desire.
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kid? the point is, date night is back on, ladies! pour yourself a glass of wine, then pour it down the sink. because if you're taking flibanserin, you cannot drink. ( laughter ) and since it's a daily pill, that means total abstinence from alcohol. because nothing gets you in the mood like staring at your longtime partner stone cold sober. ( cheers and applause ) but despite potential drawbacks, sprout pharmaceuticals feels the drug has achieved its desired effect. specifically, helping them sell their company for $1 billion. so at least we know these folks are fully aroused. we'll be right back with lupita nyong'o. i struggle with bipolar depression, and it's hard. i miss out on life's little moments.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is an oscar- winning actor who is taking to the stage this fall in the public theater play "eclipsed." this december, she'll be taking to a galaxy to a galaxy far, far away in the new star wars, "the force awakens." please welcome lupita nyong'o. ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) thank you for being here. >> thank you for having he. >> stephen: you have a lot of
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>> i know, it's overwhelming. >> stephen: you should not be overwhelmed, young lady, because you've already won an oscar last year for your supporting role in "12 years a slave" catapulted you to fame. are you in the play "eclipsed" at the new york's public theater opening october 4. >> october 14. >> stephen: i'm going to be there the 4th, be ready for me. and you have three new movies include "star wars: the force awakens". you don't need "star wars." you're on a rocket ride already. it was just a year ago that you won for "12 years a slave." has this been sort of a shocking rise to fame for you? >> shell shocking. it's been out of this world, you know. i've had a-- a hard time adjusting to it, for sure. it's strange that people know ( laughter ). >> stephen: not only that, i on the internet there, and
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when you type it in on google. nyongo, is the first one. >> i wonder how the mexicans feel about that, because everything in mexico is called lupita. >> stephen: really? i must be on the american google. ( laughter ) i'll have to check out the mexican google. el googel. now. you said when you were doing "12 years a slave" you suffered-- tell me if i got this right, you suffered something called acute impostor syndrome. >> uh-huh. >> stephen: what is that? because i was an impostor for nine years. what do you mean by that? >> the feeling that you have everybody fooled that you're good at something. you know? and that's the feeling. >> stephen: like before you go on set, every day you should sign out a confession, "i, lupita nyong'o, don't know what i'm doing." have it notarized and brought to mr. spielberg. >> exactly, something like that. >> stephen: after the oscar, did that go away? walk around with your buddy oscar and say, "we'd like a
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drink, please." >> you can do that, that night. for sure, you can do it that night. >> stephen: that's it. >> it's too heavy. you can't carry it anywhere else. >> stephen: you could work out. >> i do. >> stephen: as i said, you did "12 years a slave" and you have a new play opening at the public theater on the 14th, in case you were wondering, called "eclipsed." what's the play about? >> the play was written by an actress on top of being a playwright. she's on "walking dead." she wrote this play and it's a visceral, enlightening account of what it's like to live through a war. we meet five women who are trapped in the liberian civil war. and at the start of the play, there's three of them who have been captured by a rebel commander. and it's the return of a fourth who has since joined the rebel army that set the play in motion. >> stephen: that sounds like it's a very serious theme. >> you know, it's quite intense. but she has done an amazing thing.
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at the end of the day, when you live in such extreme situations, you still have to live, and it's about how they cope with the extreme situations and what choices they make in a world that's really devoid of choices. >> stephen: you're from a fairly large family, one of six children. i'm from a big family. i think that helped me be a performer. did that help you in any way? did you act with your brothers and sisters? >> i did. i actually forced them to help me learn lines and things like that. >> stephen: really? >> yes. >> stephen: were you a good sister? >> i would like to believe so, but i definitely bullied my siblings. i was the second of the six. >> stephen: what did you do to them? >> well, i had this plastic snake that i used to use to scare them. >> stephen: is that more serious in kenya than it is here? ( laughter ) >> it's very -- >> you have more serious snakes over there than we have. >> exactly. >> stephen: don't fool around with that stuff over there? >> no, no, no. so there's more to be afraid of. and i had this plastic poop
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( ) too, by the way. it is over in kenya. >> it came from the u.s., my cousin brought it from the u.s. cheers and applause ) well, clearly, you have a sense of humor. you've done this pretty heavy stuff. slave" and you're doing "eclipsed." did you ever like to do comedy where you and jonah hill drive across the country smoking the world's biggest bong, something like that, something lighter? >> yes, i would love to do something lighter. yeah, why not? comedy is very scary, and i like to be scared. scared? >> yeah. >> stephen: do you like being embarrassed? i love being embarrassed. >> i used to really -- >> you used to like being embarrassed. >> i used to like doing that. me and my friends do these silly walks on the street, just break
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out in a silly walk. i don't do that any longer because maybe too many people are looking at me. >> stephen: maybe people go that's lupita nyong'o doing a silly walk. do you miss doing that? >> i do. i miss doing that. >> stephen: this is a safe place. do you want to do a silly walk here? ( cheers and applause ) i'll do it with you. i'll do one with you. >> oh, great. >> stephen: do you want me to go first? >> please, it's your show. >> stephen: i'll do one first. okay. cheers and applause this one's called-- this is a walk i like to do sometimes. this is called "the really cool guy who can't walk downstairs." phew! ( laughter applause
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>> okay. >> stephen: and what is this? >> okay, this one is called ( laughter ) >> stephen: "paranoid person whose pants are falling down." >> okay. ( laughter ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's worth an oscar right there! lupita nyong'o. "eclipsed." "eclipsed." opens at the public theater in new york city october 14.
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( applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is the democratic presidential frontrunner in new hampshire and iowa. please welcome senator bernie sanders. ( cheers and applause
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senator sanders! ( cheers and applause ) >> bernie! bernie! bernie! bernie! bernie! bernie! >> thank you. >> stephen: that's nice. you know, generally speaking, they chant my name, senator. what do you got there? >> stephen, in honor of your new show, here is very own "feel the bern" mug. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: all right, all right. let me pour my water in there. >> there you go. >> stephen: feel the bern. all right. senator, you're the junior senator from vermont. >> yup. >> stephen: you're the longest serving independent in congress. you're the first self-described socialist to be elected to the united states senate. you're currently drawing crowds of thousands of people to hear you campaign for the 2016 presidential nomination.
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happening! laughter ) because you have shocked the states. laughter ) applause cheers >> stephen: they hang on your every word. go ahead i knew that we had a message that would resonate with this is the wealthiest country in the history of the world, and yet almost all of the income and wealth is going to the top 1%. and people do not feel good about that. at a time when we're seeing more millionaires and billionaires, we have the highest rate of childhood poverty of almost any other major country on earth. we are the only major wealthy country that doesn't guarantee health care to all people, family and medical leave, paid sick time, paid vacation time. and people are asking why. why can't we create a nation...? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we're the richest-- let me just play capitalism's advocate here for a second. we're the richest nation in a
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world, because we're a capitalist nation. if we became a socialist nation, we would be like a scandinavian country. we would be eating pickled herring and have a high suicide rate. why do you want that for the united states? >> clearly, we want a society which encourages entrepreneurialship, innovation. but what we also want is a society in which all of our people can enjoy a decent standard of living and not a society in which the very rich get much richer while virtually everybody else gets poorer. ( cheers and applause ) and -- >> but what does that mean? mean? does that mean back to an 80% tax rate? >> in concrete terms what it means is that it is a moral
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outrage that a top one-tenth of 1% today owns almost as much wealth as the bottom 90%, that much of all new income is going to the top 1%. that major corporations making billions a year don't pay a nickel in federal taxes. that is outrageous. that has got to change. ( applause ) >> stephen: you-- you are a liberal and you are a socialist, and people call you a liberal and a socialist. why will you not accept those two terms as the insults they're meant to be? ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> i prefer the term, actually, to be a progressive. and i will tell you why. when you look at countries in scandinavia -- >> here we go, all right. >> stephen: denmark? >> denmark. in denmark, everybody has health
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care as a right, and their system is high quality and more cost effective than our system. in denmark, at a time in america where people can't afford to send their kids to college, people go and get a higher education, go to college for free. they have a very strong child care system for the middle class, wages are higher. so what you have is a society where government, as i believe it should in this country, radical idea, though it may be, should actually represent working people and the middle class rather than large campaign donors. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, if you can stick around, if you can stick around for one second, we've got to get some messages right now from giant corporations to pay our bills. and we'll come back and find out why they're the bad guys from bernie sanders. we'll be right back with more from senator bernie sanders. go buy these products! ( applause
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donald trump is? "you're the democratic trump" is one of the handles being put on you. >> i think that what trump is doing is appealing to the baser instincts among us-- xenophobia and, frankly, racism. describing an entire group of people-- in this case, mexicans- - as rapists or criminals. >> stephen: he says there are laughter ) same old that's gone on in this country for a very long time. you target some group of people, and you go after them, and you take people's anger and you turn it against them. you win votes on that. i think that is disgraceful, and not something we should be doing in 2015. ( cheers and applause ) what i am talking about is a vision which goes beyond telling us that we have to hate a group of people. what i am talking about is saying that, in the wealthiest country in the history of the
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things that we can do when people come together-- black and white and gay and straight-- and working for all of us, not just the few. >> stephen: now, certainly, hillary clinton would agree with everything that you just said. what do you say to those people who say, "i'm going to vote for hillary clinton because bernie sanders can't win in the general, and i want us to keep the white house so we can appoint supreme court justices," that you're really a ralph nader figure more than a presidential >> let me respond in two ways. number one, if you look at the polls of me running against republicans, despite the fact that still in this country, 20%, 30%, 40% of the people don't know who i am or what i am fighting for, we do almost as well and in some cases better than hillary clinton does today, and that will only get better in cheers and applause ) second of all... second of all, republicans win when the voter turnout is low.
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i think the kind of crowds and the excitement that we are generating with young people, with working people, will result in very large voter turnouts to get the white house. and not only get the white house, recapture the senate and do well in the house. >> stephen: but how much do you want it? because you don't have every tool in your toolbox to win this thing. you don't have super pak. that's where the big cash is these days. after citizens united, unlimited unions or individuals can give to a super pac in support of a candidate and they don't "coordinate." how come you won't have a super pac? if you want to win it, sir, you got to be in it. every tool in the chest. don't bring a spoon to a knife fight. ( laughter ) >> stephen, i don't have a super pac. i'm one of the few presidential candidates who does not. because, frankly, i don't support the agenda of corporate america or the billionaire
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cheers and applause ) what we are doing-- and i'm pretty proud of this-- we have over 450,000 different people who have made individual contributions averaging about $31.20 apiece. campaign, not a billionaire's campaign. and that's the campaign i want cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, senator, good luck. good luck. how are you doing in my home state of south carolina? >> we're working on it. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's what every democrat says. bernie sanders is running for president. in 2016. ( cheers and applause ) bernie sanders, everybody.
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( applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. the broadway musical "an american in paris" just won the tony award for best choreography. please welcome its director and choreographer, christopher wielden. thank you so much for being here. "an american in paris" is one of the great gems of the american musical tradition. music by george and ira gershwin, and now all new choreography. what drew you to this musical? >> well, you know, i'm from the ballet world. >> stephen: oh, i know that. you're actually currently artistic associate of the royal ballet. i believe that means the queen can go, "dance for me." >> absolute, absolutely. any time she wants. >> stephen: "dance with my corgis." ( laughter ) >> it's true, it's true. >> stephen: yes, yes, yes. >> so i was asked to direct and choreograph this incredible property. >> stephen: no pressure. >> no pressure, no. oscar-winning movie, gene kelly, leslie caron. but at the heart of this movie
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ballet choreography on screen. and so, the producers felt that it was important to be sort of the singular vision of a director-choreographer and, you know, i think it was a leap of faith on everyone's part. >> stephen: pardon my ignorance, but i don't really-- not that having been from the dance world-- i don't know what a choreographer does. you think of a dance and then teach it to other people? can it be written down like music? >> it actually can be written down. i always skipped those notation classes at school because, you know, i'd rather be in the next room dancing but it can actually be written. there are two forms, and it's a highly specialized skill. >> stephen: can you teach anybody to dance? >> i can certainly try. >> stephen: can you teach me something? dance. although, you can dance already. you dance every night when you come out. >> stephen: well, i-- i wiggle cheers and applause
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) >> i thought i would teach you the first step of the duet that you're about to see. >> stephen: sure, great. >> you have to kind of think gene kelley, james dean. >> stephen: i think that way all the time. ( laughter ) what do i do? >> you're going to step chug, step chug. walk -- >> whoa, wait a minute. >> too fast? >> stephen: which one was it? >> you're going to step on this foot. step drop, step drop, one, two, three. nailed it, nailed it. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: shall we see the pros do it? >> let's see the pros do it. >> stephen: pros do it? here now from "an american in paris," accompanied by the "an american in paris" orchestra, ladies and gentlemen, please
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: beautiful! beautiful! leanne cope and robert fairchild. "an american in paris" is now playing at the palace theater on broadway.
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