♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow! all right! woo! good crowd! tuesday evening, that's a good time! hey, how you doing? welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. i hope you had a good memorial day. i did. [ cheers and applause ] you made it here, that's good. let's see what's going on in the news. history was made today when president obama nominated judge sonia sotomayor as the first female hispanic justice to serve in the u.s. supreme court, today. [ cheers and applause ] obama said this should help keep the court from leaning too far to the white. [ laughter and groans ] there's a lot of local pride in obama's pick because sonia sotomayor grew up in the bronx. [ scattered cheers ] yeah, when reached for comment, she said, "don't be fooled by the robe that i got, i'm still -- i'm still sonia from the block." [ laughter ] that's what she said. "don't be fooled by the robe i got."

yeah. [ laughter ] this is kind of scary -- north korea test fired two missiles this morning, just one day after they detonated a nuclear bomb. okay, north korea, we get it, you have a small penis. [ laughter and applause ] we get it. we understand. we get it. the bombing and -- in west virginia, a clown returning from a kid's party was arrested for drunk driving. [ laughter ] it's true. police say they knew the clown was trashed when the clown tried to turn the breathalyzer into a giraffe. [ laughter ] [ squeaking sound ] thanks for the help on that, higgins. >> steve: yeah, i try. >> jimmy: you do -- do some more of those balloon -- [ squeaking sound ] very good, perfect. fantastic. [ laughter ] the california supreme court today upheld proposition 8, the ban on gay marriage, but that's not all. the could also upheld prop 9, which allows metrosexuals to

continue using too much bronzer. [ laughter ] controversial. controversial. a farmer in nebraska is now breeding miniature cows to avoid the high cost of feed. now, the cows are exactly like normal cows, but instead of milk they produce those little non-dairy creamers that you get -- [ laughter ] cute. and the association of american publishers reported a 47% drop in revenue from the sale of audio books. experts are blaming the recession and also the fact that too many audio books are read by gilbert gottfried. [ laughter ] [ imitating gottfried ] "it was the best of times. it was the worst of times." [ laughter and applause ] [ drum roll ] yeah! strike. i appreciate it, thanks! that was a strike.

little spin on that one. >> steve: yeah, a little english on that. >> jimmy: yeah, a little english. four gang members in brazil were arrested when they tried to deliver -- this is true, this is crazy. they tried to deliver a cell phone to an inmate using a toy helicopter. [ laughter ] it would have worked, but they made one fatal mistake. they had a stupid plan. [ laughter ] crazy. and finally, larry king said -- you can see this joke coming already, coming around the corner. larry king said that the one person he would most like to interview is osama bin laden. and not because bin laden's so fascinating, just because they both lived in caves. [ laughter and ohs ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very nice.

it's going to be a great show today. i had a bizarre memorial day yesterday. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: when we had the show -- it was weird, because i've been sick over the weekend. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: so i was sick and i'm -- last night's show, i had like a good mix of mucinex and excedrin. it's not a good mix. i wouldn't recommend it. i don't try it at home. but i was like -- i don't know -- i guess i was tired but then awake. and then sweaty and then i had a crazy night. like, met my idols. the beastie boys were here last night. they were amazing. it was phenomenal. and then i got hypnotized by the amazing kreskin who's insane, and he stood on me. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: we have a -- do you see -- look, we have a clip of this. just this -- this happened last night. >> steve: is this where you bend and your body goes -- [ steve makes spring sound ] >> jimmy: look at this. i don't -- i've never seen this act. this is weird. whoa, whoa, watch it. >> steve: watch when he gets up. >> jimmy: this is crazy. >> steve: watch your body. [ steve makes spring sound ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's crazy! >> steve: that's like you're a board. >> jimmy: it's like -- [ jimmy makes spring sound ] [ steve makes spring sound ] it was weird. i wasn't -- because it's just -- my mom didn't like that, by the

way. [ laughter ] >> steve: because you looked too -- >> jimmy: she said i looked like a corpse, she said. yeah, she was very upset. she couldn't look at the screen. >> steve: what did it feel like when he did it to you? did you feel like you were -- >> jimmy: i wasn't -- no. i wasn't asleep or anything. it was just -- again, i was on mucinex and excedrin. [ laughter ] and -- don't try it at home. >> steve: especially kids. >> jimmy: and then the amazing kreskin comes out and he hypnotizes me. it was just -- it was a weird vibe when he comes here. and everyone just gets -- it feels like he's hypnotizing everybody. and it's just -- everyone just feels off. right? wouldn't you say, quest? look at the roots are all like -- he's a weird dude, right? [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, yeah. you don't want to mess with him. yeah, you don't mess with him. >> steve: and your arm was almost ripped out of the socket. >> jimmy: well he does that -- that's the way he shakes hands with people, yeah. and then -- but just -- he shakes your hand, he goes like that -- yeah. but i think that's, again, to weird you out. yeah, i don't know what's going on. so then i shut my eyes. and i just i would love to go take a nap, but i can't do that. but because i was so sick. i was like, "oh." and then i just, said, "wait, what is going on?" i knew that he was going to try to stand on me. then i just trusted that the roots would pick me up and carry me, and put me down.

and they did. and what was weird was that -- when they stood me back up -- i thought that -- because i didn't know where my bearings -- i didn't open up my eyes. i was awake the whole time. i could hear him talking and stuff. and then i got up, and i thought i was going to be standing on a chair or something. it just felt weird to me, like i was on a -- >> steve: just because your body was just -- >> jimmy: i just don't -- i didn't know where i was, and then i just opened up my eyes and it was just a dude just was looking at me. [ laughter ] so i was like -- it was odd. but i went home last night, and the first time ever, at 9:00 at night, i passed out. sleep. >> steve: and you slept through? >> jimmy: and my wife stood on my head. [ laughter ] >> steve: well, that was probably a mistake. >> jimmy: no, no, yeah. but i just -- yeah, i just passed out, first time, super early. but man, what a weird, fun, interesting memorial day. >> steve: well, the beastie boys for you, too, is like -- that is pretty much your 14-year-old self. >> jimmy: well, we got a great show tonight. >> steve: we do. >> jimmy: yeah. the always funny, the legendary, whoopi goldberg is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] she is so funny. she is on everything. phenomenal. and also, stephen baldwin is

coming over! [ cheers and applause ] stephen baldwin! stephen baldwin is on that "i'm a celebrity, get me out of here" show. i want to ask him about that. and tonight, we'll have a performance by keane. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: great band. >> jimmy: love keane. from england, very good band. now obviously, barack obama has been in the news a lot lately, and one thing i've noticed about him is that he has a very expressive face. it's like he has like 1,000's of different facial expressions, one for every occasion. now, you all know the classics, like this one here -- the "determined, yet hopeful." that's what i call that one. [ laughter ] that's a -- but the best ones are when obama's with other people. you can almost tell what he's thinking just by looking at his face. so i thought tonight we'd take look at some of the lesser-known barack obama facial expressions. let's check them out. the first one is from a conference about the economy. this is called the "sometimes i wonder what it'd be like to be less awesome."

[ laughter ] that what -- he is constantly thinking that. yeah, yeah. here's another lesser-known facial expression that comes out every once in a while. i call it the "pull my finger." [ laughter ] the king of jordan is skeptical, but tempted. [ laughter ] i mean, he really is. all right, this next one is interesting. it's from the g-20 summit last month where we had to meet a bunch of world leaders. obama's sitting there. [ laughter ] it's called the "i hate my job." [ laughter ] i mean, come on. i've never seen a faker smile. clearly not enjoying himself. [ laughter ] >> steve: -- in elementary school your teacher would tell you to quit goofing off. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. this next one is from a speech by the head of the small business administration, karen mills. and this is called the "i love it when you get angry." that's a -- he's entranced there, yeah. this next expression is interesting. it's called the "who is this guy, the secretary of earlobes?" [ laughter ]

>> steve: that's what he's thinking when he is looking at that guy. >> jimmy: looks like he's trying to move it with his eyes. trying to wiggle -- i don't know. let's see -- here's another one from a town hall meeting in the midwest. this is the "no, please continue talking about 'the wheel of fortune.'" [ laughter ] >> steve: he's so expressive. >> jimmy: "the wheel of fortune." >> steve: thank you for that. >> jimmy: here's another great one. it's from briefing with fbi director robert mueller. yeah, this is the "you know when you burp but then a little bit of throw-up comes up? yeah, that just happened." [ laughter ] here's one from a joint news conference with canadian prime minister stephen harper. this is the "i could really go for a bowl of cap'n crunch right now." [ laughter ] he's just thinking that. >> steve: that's what that expression -- these are lesser-known. >> jimmy: yeah. you don't know these, yeah. here's another one from the same conference.

this is the "i haven't had cap'n crunch forever. it's such an underrated cereal. you know what else is a good cereal? waffle crisp." [ laughter ] here's one here. this is called the "man, remember waffle crisp? it's so good. they're like little waffles in your cereal. whatever happened to waffle crisp?" [ laughter ] >> steve: that's what he is thinking. >> jimmy: that's what he -- his expression is saying to me. >> steve: that's what the expression is saying to you. because you are the -- >> jimmy: that's correct. >> steve: you're looking at these and determining what they say. >> jimmy: yeah. >> jimmy: amazing, it's a skill. >> jimmy: this next one here -- this ones called the "they really did talk like waffles. i mean the mascots where those old grannies who made waffle crisp obsessively and they're always making waffle crisp -- [ chuckles ] i could eat about five boxes of waffle crisp right now. why did they stop making waffle crisps?" must be an interesting meeting. [ laughter and applause ] i think that's what he's saying. >> steve: that is your interpretation -- man, you are gifted. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: he's another one. >> steve: oh, my god. >> jimmy: this is called the -- >> steve: same meeting! >> jimmy: "i bet if they ever start to make waffle crisps again, they'd do it because i'm the president. in fact, i should sign an executive order forcing them make waffle crisp, and they'd have to do it. i'm the president of the united states. i can do anything i want. i'm the president of the united states, and i'm hungry for waffle crisps. although, you know what was even better than waffle crisp? cookie crisp. because they taste like cookies! i think i'm going to eat some cookie crisp." [ laughter ] it's amazing -- >> steve: amazing! that is amazing! >> jimmy: you can say all of that one -- >> steve: you can tell from that one look. >> jimmy: quick glance. >> steve: they say a picture's worth 1,000 words, and that is about 1,000. >> jimmy: that was up there. [ laughter ] he loves waffle crisp. >> steve: he loves waffle crisp apparently. >> jimmy: finally, one of the most common obama facial expressions. this is the "was hillary really that bad?" [ laughter ] well, there you have it. that was some great facial expressions. stick around, we'll be back with more "late night"! stick around! ♪

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thank you so much. you know, doing a late night show means you have to do a lot of comedy involving celebrities, and you don't want it to become repetitious, you know? so imagine my excitement earlier this week when we discovered a really smart and fresh, new way to have fun with the stars. i can't wait to show you this new segment. we take celebrity's heads and we put them on the bodies of other celebrities. [ laughter ] it's time for "head swap." ♪ ♪ talking about a "head swap" talking about a "head swap" ♪ ♪ first you take a head and put it on another body ♪ ♪ like if nicholas cage's head was on helen hunt's body that's a "head swap" ♪ ♪ first you take a photo of some famous people and then you scan the photo into the computer ♪ ♪ then you e-mail them to the graphics department ♪ ♪ but hold on a second the e-mail's not working ♪ ♪ so you go to i.t. and you tell them there's a problem ♪ ♪ she asks if you rebooted your computer ♪ ♪ you're like "duh that's the first thing i tried that's not it" ♪ ♪ this is "head swap" ♪ so you finally get your file to the graphics department ♪

♪ but the door is locked and you're running out of time ♪ ♪ so you ask the receptionist where the graphics person is ♪ ♪ and she says that she thinks that he went to lunch ♪ ♪ you say "don't [ bleep ] me is my wife in there?" ♪ ♪ she says "to get in there you have to know the secret knock ♪ ♪ and if you want to know the knock then the secret knock is this ♪ ♪ ♪ so you go to his office and use your secret knock ♪ ♪ ♪ and the graphics guy opens the door and smiles ♪ ♪ he says "are you here to talk about "head swap"? ♪ ♪ i said "actually no i'm here to talk about lori did you go out with my wife last week ♪ ♪ he said "i don't know what you're talking about i was just sitting here doing my job" ♪ ♪ "well that sounds ridiculous because i have it on tape it's you on the phone and you're talking to lori" ♪ ♪ "hello this is lori i thank you a lot ♪ ♪ are you working on that stupid idea all week?" it's called "head swap" ♪ ♪ finally you called me this is going on for awhile i said "i'm gonna make you wish you never been born" ♪ ♪ "please don't fight you won't stop anything" "you stay out of this because you've done enough" ♪

♪ well i'm really bummed because i think it's a funny idea ♪ ♪ where we swap celebrity's heads and we put them on different people's bodies ♪ ♪ "that sounds really funny i think i'd laugh about that" ♪ ♪ "you've always really got my sense of humor" "if you give me another chance i never cheat on you again" ♪ ♪ "i also want to say that i really regret it" okay now that's over we can get the sketch done ♪ ♪ it's a "head swap" "head swap" "head swap" ♪ ♪ "head swap" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that piece came out exactly how we wanted it to. we'll be right back with whoopi goldberg, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] when morning comes in the middle of the night, [ rooster crow ] it affects your entire day. to get a good night's sleep, try 2-layer ambien cr. the first layer dissolves quickly... to help you fall asleep.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. our first guest is an oscar, emmy, tony and grammy award-winner.

wow. that's amazing. she's in the second season as the moderator on "the view," and she just released a children's book, "sugar plum ballerinas: toeshoe trouble." please welcome the one and only whoopi goldberg! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much. >> hey, guys. all right. how you doing? i kind of jumped one of them a couple of days ago. >> jimmy: he said, yeah. >> there he is. yeah, he knew what to do. >> jimmy: he's a good dude. >> he is a good dude. >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: thank you for coming on and doing me a favor and coming on the show. >> oh, honey, please. >> jimmy: i'm the biggest fan. i'm the biggest fan of yours. >> i'm your biggest fan, you

know that. >> jimmy: all right, now you just came back -- you were in vegas? >> yeah. >> jimmy: all right, wait. so, because here's the deal -- i know this about you, you don't fly. >> no, i don't like to fly. >> jimmy: yeah. how did you go that -- >> well, someone -- a lot of good things happened in a short amount of time and an awful lot of people -- who stopped calling me because i stopped flying, you know. i haven't flown in 13 years. so once they heard the rumor that i -- this has been up in the air. they were like, "hey, do you want to come over here and do this?" and i was like, "uh-huh." and they were like, "we got a lot of money for you." and i was like, "okay." [ laughter ] okay. that's how i got in trouble. that's how i ended up flying in the first place because, walking the streets as i do, there i was. and they said, "will you do it?" i thought, "geez, after all of this time, i might as well try it." and i must tell you, virgin air has an extraordinary program. and i'm telling you, it got me in the plane after 13 years. so if you are ever in london, because the program, of course, is not here, you -- it will

change your life. it will -- if you're like me at all, and there's a thousand people out there like me who do not fly, call virgin atlantic, and demand that they bring this program here because it works. >> jimmy: what is this -- are the -- just nice? what's the program? >> the program -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because i mean, i go into an airplane now -- i mean, i take off my shoes, i take my pants off. [ laughter ] it's like sitting there naked. i go, "what do i do?" >> people put their hands in places i didn't know i still had. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey! >> wow. where'd that come from? who was that? >> jimmy: that kind of thing works here. >> all kind of things. but they, in london, do a ten-hour program for people who are afraid of flying. they use a pilot, a psychologist and a person who's been through the program. "the view," god bless them, brought them over. they did a ten-hour program with me. and i tell you, it -- so many great things have happened since my fear first began, that if you

at least were able to open a newspaper and hear all of the good things that aviation has fixed, from all the problems that they had. because one great things -- it's one of the few groups that, when something goes wrong, they find a way to fix it immediately. >> jimmy: really? >> a plane can glide 100 miles with no engine. who knew this? >> jimmy: i didn't know this. >> i didn't know this. >> jimmy: no. >> they -- if something goes wrong and they abort, there are 10 to 20 backups for the thing that goes wrong. so if this goes wrong, then it goes to this. if this goes wrong, it goes to this. i mean, it's insane. >> jimmy: i always just assume that because i think it's one of those ways of travel that they can just use planes from the '70s. the decor is weird and like, they're showing the movie, it's "rocky." you go, "come on, that came out 30 years ago. [ laughter ] there's no way that should be the movie." >> well, you know, a lot of commercial airlines cannot fly without very specific equipment.

they are not allowed to go into the air without this equipment. so really, if something happens in the air, it's because someone is trying to make it happen. that is how insane these fail-safes are. because they don't -- you know, these pilots don't want to go anywhere either. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, yeah. no, yeah. >> they are kind of like, "look, y'all are cute, but i want to get home." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. yeah. >> so, it was extraordinary. >> jimmy: why don't you want to fly? i mean, can you talk about it? or no? >> i can talk about it. >> jimmy: i don't want to go -- be have a relapse. [ laughter ] >> no, no, i won't have a relapse, because the thing that frightened me can never ever -- i need you to hear this -- can never happen again. >> jimmy: can i tell you what i heard that the rumor was? >> what? >> jimmy: a human died next to you, and they couldn't remove him from the plane. so he sat next to you and rode -- >> that was the easy part. that was nothing. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. because people die and have heart attacks on the planes all of the time. that was not the issue. in 1978 -- and i'll try to be as vague as i can and still give you the info.

a cessna, which is a small plane, met a very large plane because the cessna pilot had had a heart attack. and so they met over my neighborhood. >> jimmy: ooh. >> and once that's engraved in your head, it's hard to get rid of. now, here's the great thing. because of that accident, things have been put into place in every airplane that flies commercially, every. there is not a plane that goes up without this fail-safe device. that can never, ever happen again. ever. >> jimmy: wow. good to know. >> i mean -- and when this guy said this to me, i said, "are you sure?" he said, "listen, we have a piece of equipment that only is watching for what else is out there. every plane has it. no plane can go up without it. so, if something happens, it is because it is being forced to happen, but it can never happen by accident again."

once he said that, i thought, "okay, i'm willing to take the chance."e and i fly, you know that -- i'm not going the say it again, but those who have still have cherries, i fly that airplane. >> jimmy: virgin. [ laughter ] that was very, very subtle. it was very subtle. >> i was trying to be good. >> jimmy: people are slowly getting it. [ cheers ] >> and why do people worry about me on television? i try to do the right thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, you are. you're doing good. you are so good, always. in fact, more of whoopi when we come back, everybody. stick around. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] karl, don't you have friends coming over? yeah, so? it stinks in here! have you smelled this chair? or these curtains? you've gotta wash this whole room! are you kidding? wash it?! let's wash it with febreze! whoa! [ sniffs ] hey mrs. weber.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here we are. we're back with whoopi goldberg. i think you won an emmy. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: you won an academy

award. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: or an oscar. you won a grammy. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: and you won a tony. >> yep, a couple of golden globes. >> jimmy: couple of golden globes, too. that you have or you won? >> well, my golden globes are on the floor, now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they're on the floor. >> they're more like leaden globes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is amazing that you -- i mean, that's rare that -- i don't really know anyone that's done that. >> there's about four -- there's about women that have done it. >> jimmy: gosh, you're the greatest. that's so cool to know. >> i have a great life, jimmy. i'm really happy. >> jimmy: oh, you're the best. you do these cool things, like you write these books. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is the second in the series, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's cool. that's fun that you do this stuff. >> yeah. i mean, it's a little ballerina girls who, you know, are skateboarders and basketball players, and their mothers are trying to force them into being little ballerinas. and they're like, "okay, we'll do this, but we're going to turn into a bunch of girls who have a good time together." >> jimmy: yeah. >> and so that's what it's about. and the girls look like girls. their noses are where they are supposed to be. [ laughter ] you know what i mean? >> jimmy: so it's not like a picasso drawing. >> well, no. but it's like -- usually you see sometimes, you see the little girls represented and they got

these cute, little, perky noses and everything's perky about them. these girls look like girls. >> jimmy: actual people, actual girls. >> yeah, their nose is -- >> jimmy: basically, the message is that -- parents can't -- don't force kids into -- >> well, you should -- i believe that kid's will tell you. you know, kids will do anything that you want them to, but you should really listen to what their interested in doing, too. whether or not you think it's a good idea, because a lot of times you want to say, "oh, no, don't do that. don't do that." but you have to let them. my daughter, who is now way old now, has a 20-year-old. and she used to wear these little tiny dresses that the girls wear now. and my daughter was like "what!" and i said to her, "now, do you want me to show you a picture of what you used to wear?" >> jimmy: exactly. [ laughter ] >> madonna. with the little bustier the little gold things? [ laughter ] you know, it's part of what being a kid is. it's -- you're supposed to be able to make mistakes and dumb

mistakes and make great big, stupid mistakes, but you're also supposed to get back to your parents and go, "okay, i got you." >> jimmy: choose what you want to do. my mom made my sister and i both take piano lessons. >> good. >> jimmy: and then my sister hated just being in front of people. she just didn't like it. she would play "deck the halls" and cry. [ laughter ] and we'd all be like, "hey, merry christmas." [ laughter ] >> you play. >> jimmy: i play still, horribly. >> but you play guitar. >> jimmy: i play, like, four chords. [ laughter ] that's what i can get away with. i didn't cry. i was the ham. i was like -- [ talking over each other ] >> and what does she do now? >> jimmy: my sister, right now, she's a freelance writer. and she has two awesome twins, and and she's letting them do whatever they want to. they're the best, yeah. she's -- oh, yeah. but, i mean, you always do cool stuff. you're doing this. this is awesome thing. you're doing the -- your voiceover for the new thing at the planetarium. >> yes. >> jimmy: which is exciting, i got to be honest, i went -- i saw the tom hank's one. >> yes. >> jimmy: and that was a good one. >> i'm really different than tom. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. no, i mean, i loved to hear your

one. >> well, mine is just like, can you believe -- really the underscore of all of it is, "can you believe i am doing this?" because i, you know, i grew up here in new york and i think of all the things -- i'm also in central park guiding people around, because i just -- look, this is my city. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> this is my city. and i am proud of it. and i'm proud to tell people where the great things are and where the bad things are. you know, some streets you want to stay away from. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know, i'm not going to tell you where they are now, but you know where they are. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and some planets are better than other planets. >> some planets -- you know, uranus is bad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how did i know that was coming? >> well, because i was thinking purgatory. you know, they made purgatory go away. well, where do you put purgatory? purgatory -- you know, i don't know if you were raised catholic, but purgatory is where those -- where the babies went when they hadn't gotten baptized. it's been there since year one. and then they said, "oh, no more purgatory." what happened to all those babies? [ laughter ] where did they go?

was they're like a mass baptism, and they got to go into heaven? [ laughter ] like, think about it! >> jimmy: what happened to them? yeah. >> y'all are scared, aren't you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it happens sometimes. well, another thing -- i just keep congratulating you on stuff, but the "time" 100 most influential people in the world. >> i was part of a group of people that -- come on now. let's be realistic. no, no, deepak chopra, he would have gotten it by himself. the guy who did the song from "slumdog millionaire," he got it by himself. i was part of the group. i was part of the women of "the view." >> jimmy: part of the girls from "the view." >> no, no, no, there ain't a girl amongst us. [ laughter ] it is the women of "the view." >> jimmy: the women of the view. >> the women of "the view" got honored -- such a wonderful honor, i think, in part because we talked so candidly and so clearly about this election and had some really good, spirited debate, which was lacking i think in the country. and now that we are sort of getting our footing back, we're able to talk about stuff.

we're able to say, "no, i disagree with you, but let's have sex anyway." [ laughter ] you know what i mean? it's a kind of thing. you're not laughing, because you think that's not true, but it is. [ laughter ] you'd be surprised how many couples do not agree politically and won't tell each other. >> jimmy: interesting. >> we've made it -- we've made it okay to tell your spouse, "you know what, i don't agree with you and i am going to vote for somebody else, and you can still get a little." [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: okay, come on. that's pretty good. that deserves a -- [ cheers and applause ] >> that was a definite clean up. i cleaned that up as quick as i could. >> jimmy: you can see whoopi every weekday on "the view." the book is in stores now, and "journey to the stars" starts july 4th right here in new york city at the hayden planetarium. whoopi goldberg, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is an actor and author who's boarding a plane for costa rica tomorrow to begin filming "i'm a celebrity get me out of here"! stephen baldwin, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: what do you got there? is that a -- do you got a -- is that a camera? >> it's a gadget. [ laughter ] it is a gadget. you know, man, here's the -- >> jimmy: a flip cam? >> here's the bummer. i -- folks from "radar" magazine -- >> jimmy: okay. >> they do this thing where they give you a camera and you you have to, like, film yourself and then they do stuff with it. i don't know what they do with it. >> jimmy: that doesn't sound like a deal i would sign. [ laughter ] "can you film yourself and then we're going to do stuff with it." [ laughter ] you want to get the crowd? you can get a shot of the crowd. >> i got them, i'm good. >> jimmy: you're good? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: i love actor/author, by the way. >> yeah, how kooky is that? >> jimmy: it's good. [ laughter ] it's fun. that's cool. >> well, i just -- i did -- you know, i've been doing news stuff, because i'm like the conservative baldwin. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, now i do these -- [ laughter ] exactly. and i'm doing these news programs now, like giving my opinions, which i think, if they find them valuable, it is quite humorous.

and they'll say, like, "and tonight, stephen baldwin -- actor, author, pundit." >> jimmy: ooh, pundit. [ light laughter ] that's a great one. >> but i don't know what it means. [ laughter ] that's the problem. >> jimmy: sure, i've been punditing for a long time. >> right, what does it mean? >> jimmy: you have opinions on politics? i don't know. >> yeah, i do a radio show on saturday nights, this guy kevin mccullough and i, and he's a pundit. and he won't tell me what it means. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i got to google "pundit." >> yeah, i need some help with this. >> jimmy: you leave for costa rica tomorrow. >> i leave for costa rica tomorrow, and i'm extremely nervous. >> jimmy: it's exciting. i have seen commercials for this. >> i won "fear factor," broke my shoulder on "ty murray's celebrity bull-riding challenge." >> jimmy: i'm sorry, we -- i think i missed that one. [ laughter ] "ty murray's celebrity bull-riding challenge." >> go! >> jimmy: i don't know what is going on. >> but now -- this is going to be bad. it's going to be bad.

>> jimmy: you're ready to go. you're ready to win this? >> i am going to try, but it's bad. >> jimmy: it -- what do you mean? >> well, 'cause, i've done all of this other stuff, and like, these producers of this type of programming are getting worse and worse and super creepy. [ laughter ] like, they are. it's not funny, man. [ laughter ] it's getting weird. like, like, they said, "you have to take a psychological test." so i called my manager, and i'm like "dude, i won 'fear factor,' i'm not taking a psychological test." >> jimmy: "i'm clearly insane." [ laughter ] >> right. exactly. >> jimmy: "don't make me prove it." >> and my manager goes, "oh, stop, it's like three questions." it was 550 questions. took me three days to finish this test. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: god. one of the questions were, "did you ever have anything to do with 'ty murray's bull-riding challenge.'" [ laughter ] >> i did. >> jimmy: so you're going to -- this is going to be fun. this is -- explain what this is. for one month -- nbc's doing this thing, right? >> right. >> jimmy: it only lasts a month.

>> right. >> jimmy: you're real-time out in the jungle, real-time? >> right. so it's, you know, put celebrities in a like "survivor"-type dynamic. but like four days ago they said, "okay, here's what you can bring. three pairs of socks, three pairs of underwear." >> jimmy: that's it? >> that's it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no change of clothing? >> and here's the weird part. when i won "fear factor," i was with joe rogan, and he was like in the fifth season. i turned to joe rogan, i said, "dude, this is great, you are still doing the show. it's a hit. it's cool." i said, what makes you keep coming out?" and he goes, "bro, at some point somebody is going to die on one of these shows." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you think you are going to die? >> but that's rogan. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah, rogan's a funny guy. >> so here i am sitting here going, "psychological test, three pairs of socks." i'm going, "what are they going to do to us?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they're going to kill you on national television. no other clothing besides socks and underwear? >> ah, no. that's it. >> jimmy: and the outfit you arrive in. >> jimmy. they provide for you,

apparently, whatever else you might need, but it's kind of scary to not be like, in control of that. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah. but i'm trying to think -- what -- what strategic thing can we work on that you should get a nice outfit together? like a jumpsuit or something? >> sure. >> jimmy: well, i don't have one for you. that was just a -- >> at this point, i'll take a grass skirt. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. this is -- you're going to be out there surviving, and then people call in or are they online, or what do they do? >> america votes not only who stays and who goes, but what activities we participate in. so, there's been a commercial out there where this kid sanjaya, who -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> i can't wait to get my hands on this kid. [ laughter ] well, you know, you have to understand, you know, this is a third world country. you know, and i grew up in massapequa, which is, on long island, is the third world country part of long island. [ laughter ] and i'm the youngest of six. and the boys like almost killed

me multiple times. so i learned a lot of guerrilla warfare tactics and sanjaya, i am coming after you, son. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why are you going after this person? i mean, come on. look at -- [ laughter ] look at this guy. i don't think he -- i don't think that's the guy you go after. >> no, no, he's a sweetheart. >> jimmy: now, let's see. who else are you going up against on the show? >> yeah, who do we got now? >> jimmy: tori wilson. she's a wwe. >> i mean, i don't think i can outrun that, quite frankly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, she'll kill you there. don't wear that outfit either. [ laughter ] she's got a take on the grass skirt. it's like a leather grass skirt. [ laughter ] that could be tough. >> yeah, that's trouble. >> jimmy: and you got this guy. oh, i like this guy. >> yeah, who do we got now? >> jimmy: john -- >> john, but he rocks. >> jimmy: he's a good dude. >> but, i think i could outrun john tally. >> jimmy: what? he runs distance. >> he doesn't know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't out -- you can outrun him, you think? >> he doesn't know. i'm stephen baldwin! geez. [ laughter ]

[ scattered cheers ] >> jimmy: all right. how about this? >> who do we got? >> jimmy: janice dickinson. >> now -- >> jimmy: dude, she could be a temptress. >> okay, hold on a second. for real now, everything i described, then there's janice dickinson. brother, this may be the straw that breaks the camel's back. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> well, i'm just, if homegirl chooses to go to cannibalism, this -- you may be the last interview ever in the world. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you think she's going to eat you? >> she might. she could. >> jimmy: come on. >> look at her. [ makes cougar sound ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, here's what i would be afraid of right here. the last contestant. >> who is it? >> jimmy: spencer pratt and heidi montag. [ laughter ] these dudes, i don't know. what i mean -- by the way, are they one team or two? they count as -- >> no, they count as two. and i got to -- i am making a promise here on your program here tonight, i'm going to have a real good time with these two! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah! good man, buddy. >> i promise you that. >> jimmy: "i'm a celebrity get

me out of here" premiers next monday, june 1st at 8:00 p.m. here on nbc. keane performs next. stick around, everybody! stephen baldwin, thank you! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ female announcer ] you're on the move and you're already up to a thousand yards in just half an hour. that's why you need a diaper that flexes in all the right places. cruisers with comfort flex. it flexes to fit in high motion areas, especially around the legs and waist. it's our best fit ever to help stop leaks no matter how much you move. cruisers, with comfort flex. ♪ from pampers. ( exhales ) made it. ( exhales ) seriously. now eclipse... kills the germs that cause bad breath. also in mints. en't yof bleach accidents?

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. all right. welcome back. we've got a big show planned for tomorrow. the beautiful brooke shields will be here. the new "american idol" joining us. and the host of the new g-4 show "web soup," chris hardwick will be stopping by. and we have a performance from the dream. hope to see you back here tomorrow night, everybody. it's going to be good. but now first, our next guest they've hit number one the -- [ in english accent ] "uk charts with their first three albums." [ laughter ] and they're here tonight to perform the track "again and again" from their latest release "perfect symmetry." please welcome keane, everybody! [ cheers and applause ]

♪ ♪ ♪ was it all in real time or was it just in my mind was i just a ghost passing through you ♪ ♪ clinging to the wreckage till i got the message hanging at the edge of the room ♪ ♪ give me something that's real give me half of your bitterest pill ♪ ♪ something from under the surface you actually feel ♪ ♪ we say these words again and again but they still

sound the same ♪ ♪ it was in your eyes in your eyes they were just easy lies ♪ ♪ the lightest words are heavy and promises are easy and no one's ever happy or sad for very long ♪ ♪ well just because i said it it doesn't mean i meant it i guess that was the way all along ♪ ♪ i'm just shaping the sound i'm just turning the syllables 'round ♪ ♪ dipping my toe in the water and watching you drown ♪ ♪ we say these words

again and again but they still sound the same ♪ ♪ it was in my eyes in my eyes they were just easy lies ♪ ♪ and we've been a long time waiting and it's been a lifetime in the making ♪ ♪ we said when you are alone and afraid i will come to your aid ♪

♪ was it just a dream just a dream because it was real to me ♪ ♪ we say these words again and again but they still sound the same ♪ ♪ we say these words again and again and again and again ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah! nice. very good, man. keane, everybody! >> thank you. >> jimmy: keane! check them out wednesday, may 27th at radio music city hall in new york. sounded great, man. my thanks to whoopi goldberg, stephen baldwin, keane and greatest band in late night, the roots. stay tuned for carson daly. thanks for watching. have a good night. hope to see you tomorrow. ♪