>> as we begin a new hour, michael cohen's former legal advisor set to testify attorney costello will appea before a grand jury tomorrow i new york what comes next for donald trump? that is anyone's guess plus with the future o reproductive rights at stake across the country, i'll tal to a texas doctor about th challenges that they are already facing also, florida continues it push to become the entitle capital of america, and it wil not believe what the state legislature just proposed fo young girls. plus my sit down with author laura robbins as recoverin from addiction as a woman of color. this is american voices. ♪ ♪ ♪ we begin the hour in new yor where the investigation into hush money paid to porn star stormy daniels reveals how trump acts with his wall - this week, he lashed out o

social media claiming that evidence - even directed supporters to -- again with no evidence manhattan da alvin bragg has not commented on his socia media post publicly. nbc news learned that bragg se an internal email to his staff saying that intimidation wil not be tolerated nbc news has also learned hi former legal adviser to michae cohen will testify before th grand jury at behest of trump' legal team the lawyer, bob costello, is expected to testify tomorrow this afternoon, in an exclusiv interview with msnbc, michae cohen confirmed that he will also be back at the da's offic tomorrow and casey is needed a a rebuttal witness >> this is not about a vendett or about my book revenge this is about donald trump being held accountable for his own dirty deeds, plain and

simple i don't want to see anyone, an that includes donald trump indicted, prosecuted, convicted, incarcerated because i fundamentally, or the country, fundamentally disagrees with s much that comes out of his mouth. >> meantime, much of the gop rallied behind trump this afternoon, kur tweeting again that the gop led house will open investigations int what he calls politicall motivated prosecutions the party of law and order not wanting to investigate the investigators it's not jus mccarthy, earlier on abc forme president mike pence als intact the investigation >> i'm taken back at the ide of indicted a former president of the united states if there is a crime wave in ne york city, the fact that the manhattan da thinks that indicting president trump's hi top priority just tells yo

everything you need to kno about the radical left in this country. it feels like politically-charged prosecutio here, and for my part, i jus feel like it's not what th american people want to see. >> that's where we begin wit former u.s. attorney joyce vance, co-host of the "hashtag sisters in law" podcast. and charlie savage, washington correspondent for the new york times. they are both msnb contributors i want to start with you joyce. you have trump continuing with a social media tirade this afternoon, predicted the testimony tomorrow with bo costello will, quote, be conclusive and irrefutable let's walk through, who is costello, what can we expect i court tomorrow >> interestingly enough, bob costello represented michael cohen briefly at one point i time and you'll recall and w discussed in the past that there was this moment wher there was a conversation about

whether costello saw a pardo on behalf of michael cohen but they had a parting of th ways and apparently the reason that the trump team wants to have costello in front of this grand jury before they vote on an indictment is because the think he can test that o michael cohen's credibility. this suggests that michael cohen is a key witness for the manhattan da's case, n surprise there, and new york has this relatively unusua procedure where someone who is under consideration for charge can testify trump decided no to, but now he's found someone to testify for him apparently, his goal is to keep the gran jury from indicting this suggests that he believes it's a serious prospect >> i was on earlier with their co-host, barb mcquade, and w were talking through the possibility of the talent yo have donald trump withou evidence saying that tuesday i the day she argued that did no even work out by her

understanding, logically, if you have someone coming in tomorrow, you then hear from cohen this is a jury seizure jested is meeting on monday an wednesday's. i wonder your sense of a timeline here. >> so we all know emit means something different to prosecutors, then it means t the rest of the world. the reality is this the case will be indicted if and only the grand jury chooses to vote for an indictment, and then on the timeline, the prosecutor believe serves the case best there's no need to hurry they will line up all thei ducks if, for instance prosecutors lose som confidence in michael cohen' testimony when they hear fro other witnesses proposed by th former president in the gran jury, they may wish to go back to him and clarify matters the important thing that prosecutors consider is no just the grand jury indictment which only requires the gran jury to find possible cause of

leave that a crime was committed prosecutors were thinking about their moment in the courtroom where they had t prove guilt by and reasonabl doubt, convince every member o the jury of guilt, they will want to lock down thei evidence before they proceed >> charlie, that is what i happening in the court of law. then you have what is happenin in washington, where you hav speaker mccarthy that the hous will launch investigations int progressive prosecutors across the country. how are republicans in washington not just going ou there and using their megaphon to defend trump but using thei actual heart power to defend him? >> it's a very interesting dynamic we're seeing play ou because there are variou things they could be doing so mccarthy is saying that w will investigate, see if you got that our money, if so, i could be 30 somehow. i'm as interested in a reactio by margie taylor greene, one o the most maga members of

congress there is, who was precluding the idea of a protests after trump calle overtly for people to come int the streets over the weekend i those truth social post. there's no need to protests. we're going to win in 2024 it does suggest a certai caution of going too far dow the line with trump afte january six and see what happened the last time h pointed to the streets republicans are stuck with trump now more than ever notwithstanding the desire a some of the elites - there's a split mindset here which is just starting to pull in reaction to what trump is trying to stoke and we'll se whether he actually succeeds i doing so >> i want to read to you fro this new article, joyce, for

the times. this was actually from charlie writes, prosecutors like to sa that they invest the crimes, not people the looming decision by th manhattan da about whether t indict president trump o charges related to the alleged hush money paid to a por actress is highlighting th complicity of the lega calculations being made to prosecutors in georgia and the justice department, as the examine trump's conduct on a number of fronts i want you to speak to me abou that joyce from the position o my legal expert and then charlie, i want you to tell me what you heard from others joyce, let's start with you. >> so i think charlie gets i just right here. prosecutors do to look a crimes they don't target people tha they dislike or are politica opponents of that's a very importan principle for prosecutors an like all other lawyers, they'r accountable to their state bar and conduct and to the entit that employs them but that said, it's not straightforward

it's not a straight line here there was an apparent crime and no one was suggestin it michael cohen when the perso in the federal system for this crime. then there was this pause when nothing happened to the former president who seemed to be mor involved in the crime than cohen. alvin bragg has stepped into that gap, and i think one of the most interesting questions we're all waiting to answer to is why is he doing that now? is there new evidence? is there better evidence are there charges that peopl are anticipating that is how we will assess thi in high say want to see th charges. >> charlie, you make the point in the piece that you're careful to list the many legal investigations into former president trump, where after reported this out, do you feel the cases in a large conversation about accountability >> obviously, this case look like it's going first, but there's been a lot o conversation about this case a being potentially the weakness of a four investigations, an

that there is something od about the theory of the case a it is publicly understood that mr. brag is bringing forward is that he needs to link his bookkeeping fraud charge the most obvious crime to make a felony became a financ violation which michael go cohn got in trouble for two. that's a general crime he is a state prosecutor people aren't sure if that works. i think picking about th notion that joy said, we'll se in hindsight what we reall think here i am not confident that we the journalists of the publi actually understand this cas very well at this point. i'm not sure that we reall know what he is looking at wit the second crime it may be a has a stat election not that we aren' putting our finger on. maybe he has some evidence tha trump had an intention to us this as a tax deduction and no a business dealing

maybe he did actually end up doing the. the second bob might be some other thing entirely, like the state tax fraud thing. there's a lot of murkiness tha is not precise a lot of the condemning of the case as weak maybe based on faulty premise , in the days to come, i think a lot will become more clear about where this is going. >> you know much more. joyce, charlie, thank you fo getting us started coming up, the case agains donald trump michael beschloss tells us how history will look at the pos trump presidency next, a run back o reproductive rights. -- but first to jessica lay in wh is standing by with the othe big stories we're watching thi hour at msnbc, jessica >> thanks, alicia. a lot happening tonight. swiss bank ubs agreed to b embattled driver credit suisse with the help of the swiss regulators the swiss national bank is putting up 108 billion dollars to support this merger, as

governments try to stand contingent threatening the global banking system after th collapse of silicon valley bank. the city of miami beac announced it would have curfew starting at midnigh tonight after two deadly shootings near spring brea parties this weekend two people died while a thir person is in critical condition. and in france, emmanue macron's government faces confidence vote on monday afte a weekend of protests in paris over raising the retirement age. more than 120 or a symptom mad in the french capital sinc thursday i am jessica lay in. more american voices coming up after the break. cause it stinks. ♪have you tried♪ ♪new downy rinse and refresh?♪ it helps remove odors 3x better than detergent alone it worked guys! ♪yeahhhh!♪ new downy rinse and refresh ♪♪ inner voice (kombucha brewer): if i just stare at these payroll forms... my business' payroll taxes will calculate themselves. right? uhh...nope. intuit quickbooks helps you manage your payroll taxes, cheers!

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determine the future of th abortion system. the trump appointed judge is expected to rule on whether fda approved drug should b pulled from the market wyoming is one step ahead of that judge on friday, became the firs state to explicitly ba abortion pills what's more, wyoming and texas

are among dozens of states tha bans the procedure altogether. joining me now, texas abortion provider for the committee t protect health care, dr. bhavi kumar. doctor, thank you for bein with us. abortion spent in texas, ver limited exceptions how would a federal ruling betting missive person for their complicate patients in your state and surrounding states >> this case that is being heard in amarillo has th ability to potentially ban access to miss that person, no just folks in texas but it i federal court. it could target peoples access to the medication in the country. even states have access to abortion lake california and it's also important note tha mifepristone is used in abou half of the abortions that tak place in the country it has the potential to have drastic effects. >> i am keep my eye on what is happening in florida where you have a week into the state

legislature pushing a six-week abortion ban this comes less than a yea after around the santa signe into law a 15-week abortion ban. i wonder as a provider, what a six-week abortion ban, first o all, says to you, with tha means about the quality of care, who can actually access carrot with so many women don't kno that they're pregnant unti much later what it is going to mean for the entire region, even with that 15-week ban, still a stat that they are traveling to >> right, texas has had that law and place for about te months before it was overturned. a banned abortions when cardia much it could be detected, which is roughly six weeks i know after providing thi care and seeing thousands of people's today, how far alon they are not factor in two whether they want to b

pregnant it's really difficult that - 18 states have an abortion ban in place people are still seeking care, but there have been hundreds i not thousands of miles to ge that care. it's a lot harder to find, and these bans and restrictions an lawsuits that have taken place are just chipping away at ou ability to access abortion and for people to have control ove their bodies it's very frightening. >> as we are sitting here an having this conversation, of course, i am watching and yo are watching what's happening, there was a another and done for the past week which caught my attention that is that maternal deat rates rose by 30% in 202 compared to 2020 you take these realities sid by side with the overturning o roe v. wade, the continued attacks were seeing on reproductive care across the country, including the cas down in texas, tell me how we're supposed to understand a country where women ar increasingly dying fro

childbirth but also bein forced to carry pregnancies to term >> yeah, that's exactly th point. among industrialized nations the u.s. is the only one wit the highest child mortalit rate and dealing with th rising mortality rates for children it's also important to know in this report that black women continue to have much higher and disproportionate rates o maternal mortality compared to other groups what i hear for my patient when they come see me is tha they know they can't b pregnant they had complications it back to see before. or perhaps the presidency is costing their help t deteriorate. people make decisions about if and when they become pregnan and abortion is essential to that banning abortion will make i more difficult to access especially in the south. it is exactly a racist act i order to ban abortion and deny people access to this care the folks that are perpetuatin these antiabortion laws or decisions, they are very aware of it. it's been proven

this data is not new, it's jus worsening. it's difficult as a physicia to sit here and watch this one we could do better we can have safe access to care unfortunately, we see things playing out in court rooms and judges make decisions that are really not helping the help of this country >> dr. bhavik kumar, thank you so much for your time. what the burn in new yor magazine senior corresponden irin carmon. irin, a really big question, i think i sit here and talk abou what's happening in wyoming, i texas and in florida, and it could feel patchwork, becaus it is. wouldn't you zoom out and look at the moment that we find ourselves in, what is the stat of reproductive rights and car in the country >> alicia, i think you're righ to just supposed does number about outcomes for pregnan women, whether they are dyin during pregnancy's or the da after. when we restrict access to reproductive choice and high quality care, we are

essentially sentencing women t death, and if not debt the disability and trauma. all of the effort that is bein made with the stat legislatures to criminaliz individuals and doctors, t figure out ways to bring lawsuits there's a lawsuit in texas wrongful death an abusive husband bringing lawsuit against his wife's friends for upping her acces an abortion pill, all of these together spell out a reality that this is about control for reproduction and does contro over power in this country who will have access to health care but also, who will have or tommy over their very lives? when you see an abusive partne using this as a country tool t control someone by pushing friends for helping them, when you see access to reproductive care being restricted rather being expended, who actually

want the carried to term, think you should draw your own conclusions based on where the energy is being sent here. energy is being sent t restrict, punish and criminalize. >> we've had guest on the show podcaster what we're watchin from our vantage point of th anti-abortion rights group seeing these judges, bring a case before them to a federa implications if this ruling comes down an the judge decides to ban the use of a fda approved a drug has been you safely for th past 20 years, what's done going to be the message to abortion - anti abortion rights activists about where they go next >> it's incredible how emboldened they are. it has not even been a yea since they overturned roe v. wade, which they always wanted but then got a lot faster than they thought what you're really seeing is

people pushing the boundaries. in any reasonable court of law cherry-picking an activist judge, going to them and saying, we want you to stop access for the fda for a drug approved 23 years ago. in any george -- this would be laughed out of court. i think it will undermine th process. whatever happens next, you'r looking at a conservativ supreme court. the fact that a judge coul potentially do this will deepl undermine people's faith in th system, as it already has been with the overturning of roe. i think are not acing that the anti-abortion rights movemen is embolden and alread discussing criminalizing - south carolina talking about the death penalty for people who aboard their own pregnancies. this is a bill being seriously

discuss. i see that they are very embolden if they seek to take a 22-year-old pill off the market, who knows where it will and? >> indeed, lots of big questions especially for wha it means to other fda approved drugs. irin carmon, as always, than you so much. next, donald trump could becom the first former u.s. presiden to be indicted michael beschloss we'll pu number 45 into historica contacts plus the latest legislation at the sunshine state is extreme, even by four notice that there's. the republican state legislato is seeking to -- they're called 'small businesses.' but to the people who build them there's nothing 'small' about them. that's why at t-mobile for business... you'll save more than $1,000 versus verizon. and with price lock guarantee, we'll never raise your rate plan. so you can keep your focus on toe-turns and making sure the sauce is extra spicy.

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the latest, republicans ar pushing a bill that will ban any discussion on huma sexuality in elementary school which would essentially been young girls and talking abou the periods in schools there's also an outrageous bil making its way to th legislature that will make having an undocumented perso in your home or in your car felony with me now, former congressma from florida david jolly, also a msnbc political analyst an florida congressman. and debbie mucarsel-powell, senior adviser before we get into what is happening in florida, david, i am so struck by the fact tha you have all of thes republicans going out, doing the former president's bidding getting in line for them, send it to use the power of the government to look int progressive prosecutors. you have mccarthy defending him, even mike pence defending him. you had a number of republican on sunday shows today. i might have missed it, but it is interesting to me that we have not yet heard fro

desantis, that he is certainly not out front and center doing the defending, and this does put him in a bit of a funn spot given that his core argument is everything this gu is but don't have the lega baggage. >> you just described a lot of people who are weak of moral character, all from differen displays that we see those who rushed to defend donald trump before they see what the charges in th indictment might be if wha happens also defending someone who clearly, we know, paid hus money to someone he had relationship with and ligh about it those are the ones that have a weakness in back of the former president for his wrongdoings. then there are the weak ones like ron desantis to keep thei mouths shut and hide and car from the story what they all have in common i that they are desperatel hoping that prosecutors do wha they can't, which is to take out donald trump and somehow disrupt donald trump's road to re-domination for th presidency >> that is the easiest way, as i often say to, to have thei

cake and eat it too. they can preserve the sens that they are with him and the let someone else do the work o actually holding him accountable. debbie, let's talk about wha is happening in florida, because i think what i happening in florida i critical and easy -- i am specifically interested i this six-week abortion ban tha a republican-led state legislature is pushing you've seen the map, the south becoming a reproductive health care access, dozens on you screen if florida wanted to ban discussions on periods befor six great. the thing i heard from voter in the midterms was, this is all just too extreme it's too out there, and six-week abortion ban, i mean, most women do not know tha they are even pregnant >> exactly, alicia, and make n mistake, one of the issues tha i've been seeing now for quite some time is that what happens here in florida, which i ground zero for every assaul

to our democracy and to ou freedoms is starting to spread across the country very soon, if we allow the ultra maga movement, whether desantis is that there are somebody else, sarah could b sanders or other republicans mimicking what ron desanti does in the state of florida there's not going to b anywhere for americans to go because we have not been payin -- i've been paying, you've bee paying attention, but a lot of people in florida have not bee paying attention to th extremists this is for the proud boys, th white nationalist movement, rise on antisemitism, and it's really following a coordinated movement that is being replicated in other states lik missouri, like north dakota. we need to pay attention i what we're seeing on our democracy and the most vulnerable populations, on women. we know democracy goes hand in

hand with women's rights and authoritarians are trying to strip away every fight we have in the state and country this is extremely dangerous. >> david, i don't need to tell you. i don't need to tell debbi that if there were two words left that the sentence could speak, it would be anti woke it's like the things that he wants you to know about him as ill defined, as it is. how do you make him on the how do you jiu-jitsu that so that the fact that he is running on anti-wokeness becomes a liability? >> it's a fantastic question because left uncheck rhond scent this week at the say anti-wokeness is about empowering parents, resettin education and protective famil values, but what i qualitatively's is racist an homophobic everything they d in the name of anti-terroris astute marginalize, furthe marginalized black and brown communities, migrant communities and the lgbt community. i think it's incumbent upon,

certainly critics within the press but also the democrati party to actually call it ou as racist and homophobic and macron desantis and others fee the scorn of saying anti woke. don't just ask what you thin it means don't give a political answer. tell them that is racist and homophobic and make them defen a. qualitatively, this move, th don't say gay bill in school classrooms, that did not happe because too many teachers were helping johnny write a valentine to sally it happened because teachers were talking to johnny about his interest in jimmy. that in itself, if there is conversation about anythin other than heterosexuality which rhonda scent this an republicans are feel are - they trying to legislate against it what they do say to certai floridians, you're not welcome here we judge are left out with impunity you're not welcome to exercise your lifestyle here. if you wish, you need to leave the state. >> among those people no

welcomed, that be, this whol thing about if you have an undocumented person in your car, there are mixed that's famil in florida that might be your dad, brothe or uncle, who are just tryin to help get to work, that live with you that message, loud and clear the whole thing seems very dar and dystopian. i got to ask if that is what republicans are leaning into that's what desantis and other photo meant trump is going t do in 2024 what is the antidote from dems do dateline into a more joyful vision of this country as a wa of pushing back against th dystopia that republicans ar going to solve >> look, we've seen time and time again is that wha americans really want is t build community. they want a unified country. they want to see everyone be able to work in washington d.c and the state legislatures t gather to address the most difficult issues that we'r facing right now the affordability issue is rea

in florida people are leaving the state because they cannot afford t live here. we have an insurance crisis. there was a recent report in the washington post that i discovering our insuranc companies, which have been protected by ron desantis ar not paying the damages o hurricane ian, up to 80% these latest attacks o democrats in our state, i ca tell you very powerful and wealthy republicans who own lot of the farmland here in th state of florida are not happy with this bill because we ha tens of thousands of undocumented immigrants in the state of florida that are th economic engine for th hospitality industry, for th restaurant industry, for the farming industry what is ron desantis going t do when these companies ar going to be -- this is exactly what he is proposing, and charging th owners of these companies with felony charges for employing undocumented immigrants. like you said, there are man families in the state which ar

mixed that is families if you're married to someone without an immigration documen and legal status, you can also be charged with a felony he's detecting families, attacking children, attackin businesses, so this is the reality that we're facing in the state. >> baby -- david jolly, debbi mucarsel-powell, i alway appreciate you bringing your expertise, specifically as i relates to florida i think people across th country got to be watching wha is happening there we'll be right back. a trio is the first and only chew with triple protection. oh, fleas and ticks ♪♪ intestinal worms... wow heartworm disease, no problem with simarica trio. this drug class has been associated with neurologic adverse reactions including seizures. use with caution in dogs with a history of these disorders. for winning protection. go with simparica trio. (vo) with their verizon private 5g network, associated british ports can now for winning protection. precisely orchestrate nearly 600,000 vehicles

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one century later, the stake are higher for trump and us. joining me now, michae beschloss, nbc new presidential historian i was get nervous when i read history script you, mister michael beschloss. i hope this is factually and historically accurate. >> always an a+ in every respect, alicia. >> thank you for knowing you audience >> oh yes. >> he's already made history he survived two impeachments hasse ignorant wouldn' indictment be specially in the manhattan case >> we've never seen anything like this in the history of th united states. the closest we came was 1974 richard nixon resigned sunda 9th of august. while president, he has been named as an unredacted coconspirator because the do was and serving a memo tha says a president cannot be indicted that memo still prevails up to this moment. i don't think i should

particular should, but amazingly, it does ex president, nixon leaves and goes to california and the special prosecutor is walkin seriously and to actuall indicting nixon, putting him o trial one month after nixo left, the new president gerald ford and a fool, free an absolute pardon, closed al this down. in retrospect, was that th right thing to do, i am not so sure because i think when ford did that, he was sending a message to later president that the worse you can get i you do something bad in office or otherwise is going to b that you will go to your seaside mansion, as an extende well, donald trump has a c set mention to that is not a very big punishment in 1995, why did you not wai until the accident was fingerprinted or indicted? he said he wanted it to get on the way as soon as possible. >> the stakes here, in general

this entire conversation tha we're having about accountability for the forme president, just absolutely huge, going back to the faith of our democracy. in this case specifically, you have michael cohen adjusting t a trump arrest, a term that th former president as used again we have no evidence of, but if there were an arrest, it could harm international relations take a listen. >> i don't want to see donal handcuffed him paraded through not because he does not deserv it, submit that is the way tha the court finds but more because it is an embarrassment to our country could you imagine our allies and adversaries, how they coul either enjoy this or despise u as i direct result >> michael, your greates concerns as you watch all this play out >> my greatest concern actuall would be if the court foun that donald trump had seriou

evidence showing that he had broken the law and he did no have to pay the price that any other american does. that's been a big problem fo america. what next should nixon was par of pedro ford, a lot of people rightly set, why does nixon ge off. he had done other bad things but if someone steals to face drugstore, that person wil have to go to jail we have decided that i everyone is subjected to law and this is a government o laws, not of men and women hard to do that a presidents get off all scott-free >> michael beschloss, i got to and might week for you o friday when i was in for stephanie ruhle at the 11t hour i get to wrap up my work weekend with you on american forces, thank you so much, a always >> my honor, as always, than you, alicia. >> what is still misunderstood about addiction? our conversation with --

i, here's a look at what els is ahead tonight on msnbc. >> hey there, i am ayman mohyeldin, tonight on ayman, i will speak with congressman' don't often, a former member o the january 6th select committee on donald trump an his expectation that he will b arrested that is tonight nine eastern right here on msnbc. what if all i do isn't enough? or what if i can do diabetes differently? (avo) now you can with once-weekly mounjaro. mounjaro helps your body regulate blood sugar, and mounjaro can help decrease how much food you eat. 3 out of 4 people reached an a1c of less than 7%. plus people taking mounjaro lost up to 25 pounds. mounjaro is not for people with type 1 diabetes or children. don't take mounjaro, if you're allergic to it, you or your family have medullary thyroid cancer, or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2.

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the path to recovery, sometime called quit let, is dominate by white officer -- an experience that mirrored he own, she realized if she wante to read about it, she was goin to need to write about it. her new book, stash, my life i hiding, explores the pressures of life as a successful blac women in the unique barriers she faced as she tried to ge help -- her journey to recovery, mor diverse a -- diverse voices in th conversation around addictio aren't just important, they're essential. take me back to the origins of

the story, the first time that you are prescribed ambien. >> my kids were babies and i wasn't sleeping. i had this life where i wa kind of front and center i was in a leadership position at their preschool at that time i had, you know, tennis with the girls. it was a high-profile marriage in hollywood, and i had this life i felt like i had to keep up with, and i felt i wa sinking, and i wasn't sleeping my kids would wake up one at the time, and then every morning -- >> all about it. >> yes so, i ask my doctor -- i told him something's wrong and he said, well, let's get you sleeping first and he prescribed a drug tha i'd never heard of then called ambien and i took a, and the next thing i remember was waking up the next morning, and the firs words that popped into my head where, again, please i loved it i loved the good night sleep i woke up feeling energetic.

i woke up feeling like i could be a good mom. i woke up happy. and i wanted more. >> and you got more. at what point does it begin to spiral >> it starts to spiral - you know, it's that hemingwa quote. gradually, then suddenly the second year, i was takin it one per night, as prescribed, i need to do another have to get to sleep because my tolerance had gon up then, three years in, it was you know, maybe two to get t sleep. and one half in the middle o the night. but your six, which is the yea i write about in the book,it was as many as i could get >> there are a few moments i would argue of bottoming out walk us through them, and th moment you finally acknowledge you needed help and support. >> i had to -- see shoes there. withdrawal seizures. i had run out of pills the wee before didn't have any alcohol in m system i didn't have anything in my system had no idea that that was

possibility. i didn't know -- about withdrawal seamstress. i had one at my son' basketball game, i had the second one in the e.r. waiting room that could've been the botto for me what happened was th neurologist overrode m prescription, or over th california restrictions at the time, so that i never ran ou again. >> it's a moment in the book and the future movie, where yo scream, no, this is the wron turn >> yes the reader screen snow, ic cream yes. hurray, i get as many ambien a i want this is my dream come true and what it does, is it sets m on a fast paced spiral down. so, there were so many times - i'm in my kids school, now they're older, i spill a bottl of ambien on the girls bathroo floor, and a night teacher walks in and finds me shakin and sweaty, trying to pick the up i'm caught buying a bottle - a pint of vodka on a tuesday morning at 9 am by another parent from the school there's no excuse. that one could give.

oh, there's a party later. i'm bringing this pint o vodka. so, these things were happenin that should've been like, okay it's time to ask for help. >> there's so many memoirs about addiction and recovery >> yeah. >> almost none written in your voice. what about being black what about being - changed the experience and the trajectory of both you addiction and your recovery? >> i have the burden of blac excellence on me and all these leadership positions i'm in, i need to be better than. and being an addict is not par of that. i will take all the other blac parents down with me if i am discovered this is something that kept me using for longer i didn't get help faster because i didn't want to be th one to admit it. i ask for help, and then t cast this kind of shadow o doubt on the soul of all the black people that got at thi very elite white private school. and then, getting sober -- in, again, he's very white

spaces, i'm donie one in the room i was the only black person at the treatment center i went to i'm often the only black perso in the recovery meetings lik out to you, now that i've been going to for almost 15 years i was looking for books that talked about my experience because black women stories of addiction usually have dru dens and prostitution, and, yo know, scarring, childhoo sexual trauma. my straighten include thos things my stories include, like i said, i'm stashing my pills in m louis vuitton's and my gucci's >> off to your tennis lessons. >> running off to my tenni license. and it doesn't have to be that level of privilege but that's my story. there was nothing else like it there is nothing else like it. john i am in is called quitlit and there are no women of color. when you google quit lit, yo don't see any women of color coming up in that category i'm hoping to change that with this book. >> what do you think w misunderstand about addiction? >> the biggest misunderstandin is, i think, people who are in

addiction have a choice abou their behavior when i was in the thick of m addiction, i was doing the absolute best i could to survive. and i think that idea that w choose this over anything, whe you are in an addiction, as fallacy. you lose the power of choice >> as always, thank you. her book, stash, my life and hiding, is availablehe wreve books are sold we'll be right back after short break. right? uhh...nope. intuit quickbooks helps you manage your payroll taxes, cheers! with 100% accurate tax calculations guaranteed. my most important kitchen tool? my brain. so i choose neuriva plus. unlike some others, neuriva plus is a multitasker supporting 6 key indicators of brain health. to help keep me sharp. neuriva: think bigger. my asthma felt anything but normal. a blood test helped show my asthma

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for today. i'm alicia menendez, i'll se you here next weekend. you know the deal, six to 8 pm eastern, for more american voices but for now, i handed over t mehdi hasan. hello, mehdi >> hello, alicia thanks so much have a great rest of you night. tonight, on the mehdi hasa show - trump cornered his desperate attempt to control the narrative ahead of potential indictment his niece, mary trump, is here along with professor - plus, zero accountability. 20 years to the day afte george w. bush launched hi illegal iraq war also tonight, march for ou lives cofounder david -- gun reform movement, and o president biden's new executiv order. ♪ ♪ ♪