woken up from a nap. >> reporter: the pitbull probably had a little dry mouth. commenters had solutions. >> remember to empty water dish before next meeting. >> there's a good idea. >> reporter: at least bella. >> it's water, you like it. >> reporter: didn't require instruction. nobody has to hold bella's tongue. >> you are hearing my dog. >> that's funny. >> that's my dog. >> the dog is like what? what? just wagging his tail. >> exactly. >> i mean also, the dog's water dish is right next to the office. that is also something else about it. >> >> in recent years, there have been a number of hawk attacks affecting residents at their homes and offices. >> worries in westport over aggressive hawks. >> i'm wondering who's going to protect me? >> the office is supposed to be

a safe work environment, but all too often lurking in the shadows, there's an infestation. tony hawk. ♪ ♪ tony hawk, making it difficult to focus on your job. ♪ ♪ >> oh, come on, tony hawk! >> and getting into your food. ♪ ♪ >> but hawk-be-gone pest control is ready. our team of experts will inspect your office and find a solution to rid the office of tony hawk... once and for all. hawk-be-gone pest control. >> a little help? >> announcer: it's "the late show

with stephen colbert"! tonight... nightmare-azona. first, stephen welcomes christiane amanpour and wilmer valderrama. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: one more. thanks, everybody. please have a seat. thank you, my friends. thank you, lovely people. please. please.

welcome one and all in here, out there, to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] ladies and gentlemen, it is april 10, 2024, unless you live in arizona, where it's 1864, pardner. giddyup. because yesterday, the arizona supreme court reinstated a 160-year old abortion ban. [booing] that is crazy. but remember, it's arizona, so it's a dry crazy. here's what happened. this is fascinating. yesterday, the state supreme court, right? the state supreme court ruled that because roe v. wade had been overturned, nothing prevented arizona from enforcing the 1864 ban, a law so old that it was passed before women had the right to vote. yeah, it's true. to which the arizona supreme court said, "don't worry. we'll work on that one next."

now, this law is so old that it predates the invention of the cowboy hat, the urinal, the paper clip, and the machine that makes paper bags. should we really be enforcing laws from an era where the cutting-edge tech was "bag"? also, did you know that in 1864, arizona wasn't even a state. you can't enforce state laws from before it was a state. if you could, people in massachusetts would be arrested for "failure to buckle hat." where is this law even going to take effect? here's a map of the arizona territory in 1864. back then, part of it was the confederacy, on the bottom there, and the top half was so big it included what is now las vegas. you know what they used to say back then. what happens in vegas actually happened in arizona. now, election-wise, this ruling by an all-republican court is

almost guaranteed to backfire. because since the dobbs ruling, this issue has been a disaster for all the republicans' attempts to keep suburban women voters. so g.o.p. candidates are now backpedaling like a tweaked-out unicycle chimp. take g.o.p. senate candidate and woman watching you drown, kari lake. after the ruling, lake said, "i oppose today's ruling, and i am calling on democratic governor katie hobbs and the state legislature to come up with an immediate commonsense solution that arizonans can support." which is a surprising position to take because this is what she said right before the dobbs decision. >> we have great legislation already on the books, so when this decision comes down, that will kind of click in and we will see older legislation that's already been passed, and arizona will not be a state where abortions are happening. i am pro-life 100%. let me change that. i am pro-life 1000%. >> stephen: "let me change that again. what does pro-life mean?

no habla ingles! brring-brring! hola!" [applause] now, as bad as that looks for kari lake, things look even worse for donald trump. just two days ago, he posted [cheering] it's nice to have trump fans here. that's nice. [booing] it's a joke. this video on truth social. >> i was proudly the person responsible for the ending of roe v. wade. >> stephen: "reminder, ladies, it wa me! i'm the one who did it to ya. i also had the idea for period cramps, insurance not covering mammograms, and all your friends getting brunch without you." now, in that video, in that video right there,

trump was trying to stake out what he thought was a moderate position. he had previously floated the idea of a federal 15-week abortion ban, but he softened his position to this. >> the states will determine by vote or legislation or perhaps both. and whatever they decide must be the law of the land. >> stephen: and then the next day, the arizona supreme court drove his campaign clown car into kookoo-canyon. that is the most awkward timing for a politician since fdr made his second most famous speech. >> december 6, 1941, a day that, frankly, was kind of a snoozefest around here! let's hope tomorrow's more exciting! >> stephen: and trump hasn't exactly been a north star on this issue. in fact, over the last 25 years, his position on abortion has shifted 13 times. "i'm pro-choice. i'm pro-choice not. i'm pro-choice.

i'm...pro-choice not. oh! oh! you know, you know, flower, you kind of look like a pretty lady. you want to make $130,000?" apparently... trump apparently also has no clue how abortion works. >> it must be remembered that the democrats are the radical ones on this position, because they support abortion up to and even beyond the ninth month. >> stephen: "it's true! it's true. way beyond. it's true. i know a lady. she was nine months pregnant, went to the hospital.

the doctor yelled push and then she comes out and get this -- wasn't pregnant anymore. who did it? i bet it was that tiny little guy in the bassinet. where'd he come from? he's probably an immigrant. he's got no i.d. on him, and frankly folks he's speaking a language no one's ever heard of." i think it was chinese. i think it was chinese. he goes goo goo. trump's criminal trial starts here in new york on monday. the first order of business is jury selection. reportedly, trump's lawyers want a jury that includes public employees like police officers, firefighters, and sanitation workers. well, sanitation workers make sense. they're gonna want jurors who are comfortable with giant sacks of garbage. on the other hand, prosecutors are looking for educated voters from democratic neighborhoods, and are fishing for those who are fond of late-night comedians like stephen colbert. that's right!

[cheers and applause] look at that. damn straight. my audience is perfect to decide this case. it's all in our new slogan: "the late show with stephen colbert: guaranteed to get you jury duty!" you're welcome. but if you think donald trump's lawyers aren't ready for this trial, you'd be right. because we found out today that, in an attempt to get relevant files from a former district attorney, trump's lawyers subpoenaed the wrong jeremy rosenberg. two jeremy rosenbergs in new york city? what are the odds? oh, and, i'm being told, very good. thank you. that's my researcher jeremy rosenberg. no relation. now, after getting the subpoena, the wrong rosenberg, or the "fauxsenberg,"

set the record straight. he wrote to the attorneys, saying, "i don't have any files for you," and explained that he tried calling to explain but the phone number trump's lawyers provided was disconnected. okay, okay, but that's probably on rosenberg. if it's trump's lawyers, you have to dial the country code for russia first. trump's lawyers. oh, oh, so daring. trump's lawyers also sent the guy some money for shipping of the requested files, and the wrong rosenberg informed them, "p.s. i'm keeping the $15." oh, watch out, jeremy. you don't wanna piss off donald trump! he'll send a squad of goons to rough up someone with your name. and even after he told them they were mistaken, trump's lawyers still thought their rosenberg was the rightsenberg. they even complained that rosenberg had displayed a "flippant and dismissive approach" to the request. to which the prosecution said they spoke with mr. rosenberg's counsel.

mr. rosenberg was not served with the subpoena and does not have any connection to the brooklyn address where the subpoena was served and concluded, correctly, "the defendant has served the incorrect person." you can see it all dramatized on "law & order: sv-who?" [cheering] quality. it's a quality joke. good family joke. now, to the world of sport where, it turns out, the ncaa women's basketball tournament final on sunday drew more viewers than the men's final for the very first time ever! [cheering] look at that. it's cool. it's official! women's basketball? now you're basketball. everyone else is playing "boy-sketball." after the final viewership tally, the championship games pulled in 18.9 million viewers for the women and 14.8 million on the men's side.

[applause] and i believe in light of this news, cbs might want to make its primetime lineup a little more female-focused. so tune in sunday at 9:00 p.m. for track "her." he found your mom. she wants you to text her back. down in washington tonight, this is probably over by now. president biden hosted a state dinner for japan, featuring paul simon and guest of honor prime minister fumio kishida. so, of course, paul simon kicked off with his old hit, "me and fumio down by the schoolyard". we got a great show for you tonight! my guests are christiane amanpour and actor wilmer valderrama. but when we come back, "meanwhile"! join us, won't you? ♪ ♪

>> announcer: "the late show with stephen colbert" sponsored by always ultra thins with rapid dry technology that absorbs two times faster than the leading store brand.

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> stephen: that's a good sound. it gets you going. easy-going. give it up for louis cato and "the late show" band, everybody. right there. [cheers and applause] coming up in just a few moments, my friends, we've got the one, the only, a woman i admire greatly, christiane amanpour will be out here in just one moment to talk about the world. she's got a special. the world. out here to celebrate ncis's 1,000th episode, mr. wilmer valderrama will be joining us. 1,000. 1,000. wow. i want to thank tony hawk for appearing at tonight open. he can catch him at tony hawk's

"vert alert" on june 14th and 15th at the university of utah. "i'll be there," he said. i might be. i don't know what i'm doing. folks, i spend most of my time converting the day's most high performance carbon-fiber news into a topical body with an mmi control cockpit, integrated yacht windows and discreet temperature zones to build for you the spectacular marchi mobile element palazzo superior mobile home that is my monologue. but sometimes, folks, after a bender of purple drank, i drop a dime on the underground serbian hogfight mafia who chase me into a swamp where i curl up inside a tractor tire in a nettle patch and pull the door of an abandoned porta-potty over me to cower inside the snitch's bramble-shack of news that is my segment... >> "meanwhile"! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: it's like a topical ointment for your soul. they know.

meanwhile, the founder of whac-a-mole is selling their equestrian estate. and do not worry. the horses are included. the property is 211 acres and is listed for $5.9 million or 10 trillion tickets. meanwhile, in celebrity alcohol news, supermodel cindy crawford, who's married to casamigos' co-founder rande gerber, is launching her own new brand called "casamigas." it's a catchy name. good luck with that, cindy. and far less clunky than my female-focused beverage, "stephen colbert's estro-gin." [applause] strong enough for a man but women can have problems too. meanwhile, a florida woman found a nearly 8-foot alligator inside her home. and of course, this is florida, so she said, "helen! there you are! now come on, "wheel" is about to start!"

meanwhile, in case you've been living under a rock, there was an eclipse on monday. on the plus side, if you were under that rock, you still might have your eyesight, because google documented a spike in "why do my eyes hurt" or "eyes hurt" related searches as the total solar eclipse ended. in a totally unrelated story, people who bought certain eclipse glasses from amazon may have received an email saying the glasses are in fact not safe to view the eclipse in. but they add the glasses are effective if you're at a 3d movie and don't want to see it. meanwhile, an environmental group released a report on items they found on beach cleanups on the jersey shore, which included some odd things like fake eyelashes, fishnet stockings, a jockstrap, and a pregnancy test. if you're taking a pregnancy test on a new jersey beach,

it gets better. is what i'm going to say. oh, and good news, they found your eyelashes and your fishnets. meanwhile, great news for anyone who likes driving but loves peanuts, because planters is looking to hire drivers to cruise in its nutmobile, to which perverts everywhere said "oh, but when i ask if you wanna ride my nutmobile, i'm a creep!" seems nice. he seems nice. applicants will be expected to escort mr. peanut across the country. now, wait a second. so mr. peanut rides around in a giant peanut? that seems wrong. "gather round, children, and see the anthropomorphic nut, pantsless and be-monocled, forced to travel the land in an auto made from the bones of his own nut-folk!"

meanwhile, in airplane news, there was drama on a recent air new zealand flight to australia, when a passenger was fined for urinating in a cup. evidently there was a bit of a delay in deplaning when one of the passengers heard the "unmistakable sound" of someone urinating in a cup. really? unmistakable? to whom? who has that much experience hearing that sound? "all right, gentlemen, play that recording back. that's a 62-year-old man with an enlarged prostate taking a wizz in a paper cup. i know 'cause my life is a horror. i wake up on the beach, take a pregnancy test, then it's back in the nutmobile." we'll be right back with christiane amanpour! [car traversing over uneven ground.] [silence in the vehicle.] [car traversing over rocky ground]

(vo) we got a subaru forester wilderness to discover all of the places that make us feel something more. [minimalist piano plays throughout.] [heavy sound of water coming from waterfall.] (vo) subaru is the national park foundation's largest corporate donor, helping expand access for all. get 2.9% apr financing for 72 months on a new 2024 forester, going on now. [inner voice] is it menopause or something else? the menopause journey has stages. learn about yours with clearblue menopause stage indicator that tracks your fsh hormone levels combining them with your cycle data. what's your menopause stage?

hi, i'm stacey, and i've lost 60 pounds on golo. combining them with your cycle data. (guitar music) this belt i used to wear, way down at the first and second notch, it's the only thing i've kept from before losing weight and i'm keeping this because i'm never going back. head & shoulders bare clinically proven dandruff protection with just 9 essential ingredients no sulfates, no silicones, no dyes. dandruff protection, minimal ingredients. job done. [ ♪ "baby, i'm a star" by prince ♪ ] ♪ one, two, three ♪ yes! ♪ baby, i'm a star ♪ ♪ yeah. oh ♪ i'm on the clock and ready to rock. it's target circle week. (vo) welcome to lobsterfest. is your party ready? ready to tango with tails on tails on tails?

try lobster lover's dream while you can. it's one of ten next-level lobster creations. lobsterfest is ending soon, so hurry in. that grimy film on your teeth? dr. g? (♪♪) it's actually the buildup of plaque bacteria which can cause cavities. most toothpastes quit working in minutes. but crest pro-health's antibacterial fluoride protects all day. it stops cavities before they start... crest.

( ♪♪ ) you made a cow! actually it's a piggy bank. my inspiration to start saving. how about a more solid way to save? i'm listening. well, bmo helps get your savings habit into shape with a cash reward, every month you save. both: cash reward? and there's a cash bonus when you open a new checking account to get you started. wow.

anything you can't do? ( ♪♪ ) mugs. ♪ bmo ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody. welcome back. ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight has spent 40 years delivering our news on cnn, where she currently serves as the chief international anchor. please welcome back to "the late show,"

christiane amanpour. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ nice to see you again. >> christiane: lovely to be here. >> stephen: as i said before, you are cnn's chief international anchor. i'll bite. what's up with the world? >> christiane: in the world, they are watching your election very, very closely because that is really preoccupying them. having a collective nervous breakdown the last time. they are trying to prove themselves. >> stephen: i guess i didn't really take that into account all the time. so the world freaked out as much as some of us did. >> christiane: as much as some of you did. some of the world. there were parts of the world they didn't freak out. mostly the autocratic parts of the world.

your putins, xis, orbans. >> stephen: the idea of a second term presidency makes americans fearful. i assume the world us freaked out about the second possibility. >> christiane: you been something freaking out americans, this arizona law from precivil war. that's being really looked at especially in democracies where there are codified women's rights and human rights. france, for instance. on international women's day, march 8th, actually signed into law of constitutional amendment to guarantee a woman's right to make choices about her own body. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: do many countries have that? >> christiane: not necessarily, no, they don't. this was sort of a demonstration of will by a country that's very supportive of your revolution,

to show that this is universal human rights and that women actually need to be treated like adults. whether it's afghanistan, iran, or the united states, bunch of grumpy old man shouldn't be making essential decisions. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: one of the most important things, the biggest part of their job that's hard to prepare for his international relations. that's domestic policy in the united states that were his people overseas. a second home presidency, what about that worries our allies around the world? >> christiane: for instance apart from this issue which is vital to people all over the world they don't want to get caught up in the same nonsense that's happening here in some quarters. for instance, nato. right? nato was something that actually the majority of americans support america in nato, and yet if you remember, donald trump played fast and loose with nato.

>> stephen: talked about getting out of it. >> christiane: very transactional. like, if they don't pay up i'm not going to support them. invite putin to do whatever he wants to do. that worries them. they are trying to trump-proof. ukraine. the maga republicans are following trump and not allowing aid to go to ukraine which is being supported by the west, by the united states because it is a fundamental principle of democracy, freedom, and >> stephen: i never hear really good explanation from the opposition to supporting ukraine in the united states. the far right republicans. what is the reason why they don't want -- >> christiane: is very hard to understand because these republicans are people who have been security republicans. they stood up to the communists, the soviet union. ronald reagan helped with gorbachev to bring down the evil soviet union.

and while putin is not the soviet union, he's an imperialist with land grabbing tendencies. >> stephen: he wants to reconstitute the soviet union. >> christiane: correct. he believes that a country like ukraine has no right to be free because that looks bad for him. his people might one day, god forbid, say can we have the same freedom as ukraine does? he's trying to make sure that doesn't happen. when they say trump comes to say i have a way to end's war in 24 hours and his way involves telling ukraine to cede to pu putin. >> stephen: by surrendering? i won a lot of fights that way. [laughter] >> christiane: as you know, the bully in the playground is not stopped by surrendering. you've got to slap him around. anybody who has a puppy dog... [applause] seriously. anybody who has a puppy dog knows that there is no ct aided button. the never happy with all the food you give them. they keep wanting to gobble.

same with land grabbing dictators. >> stephen: you cover a lot of conflicts. you've set i believe that covering israel and gaza is extraordinarily difficult. why? because all war is hell. wise is more difficult? >> christiane: first and foremost, independent journalists, foreign journalists are not allowed to cover the war. we are not in gaza. are we? we have made many, many petitions. we've asked the israeli government. >> stephen: no foreign journalists? >> christiane: zero. they basically say you can go if you go with our army. it's in beds, guided tours. you don't get to stay. you've seen the reports from "the new york times" and others who get one or two are opportunities. that's just not how we report. many, many, many journalists have been killed. the palestinians. >> stephen: 95. that's the last stat i saw.

95 journalists have been able to get in or who have been in there. >> christiane: or they live there. >> stephen: have been killed there. i have a question for you and i mean this quite sincerely. what is it about journalism that's worth dying for? >> christiane: first of all, these people are being killed. they are being killed. because there's a big problem going on in gaza right now. what is worth dying for and risking your life? if you're asking me as a foreigner going somewhere, it is to tell the truth and to get under the headlines, to actually know and be people's eyes and ears on the ground and to know what's going on, to try to tell the full story of what's going on. the other fact is that the government in israel right now, and this is very sad, because it is a democracy in that part of the world and it has a robust media landscape. it's potentially -- it's taken measures already to ban for instance, al jazeera. that would mean we have one less

actual route of information out of gaza. and they are a professional news organization. and this has a very, very chilling effect and a very -- i don't know if a democracy that has banned independent journalists, especially from other democracies, like america, britain, france, wherever you want to say, canada, from going to cover a war they are undertaking. >> stephen: we have to take a quick break but don't go anywhere. we'll be right back with mark christiane amanpour, everybody. sugar: i'm john sugar. i find people that are missing and bring them back home. -[gun cocking] -[man yells] my granddaughter vanished. jonathan siegel: i need you to find her. ♪ not now. sugar: i can't stop. i've got to keep it together. ♪ there's more to you than meets the eye. ♪ is there? ♪ sugar: we all have our secrets. especially me. ♪

my frequent heartburn had me taking antacid after antacid all day long but with prilosec otc just one pill a day blocks heartburn for a full 24 hours. for one and done heartburn relief, prilosec otc. one pill a day, 24 hours, zero heartburn. oh no. running low? with chewy, always keep their bowl full. save 35% on your first autoship order. get the food they love. delivered again and again. (♪♪) [thud] one kale celery swirl? yah. cash or charge? charge. ♪♪ sorry, game time! ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪

sometimes jonah wrestles with falling asleep... ...so he takes zzzquil. the world's #1 sleep aid brand. and wakes up feeling like himself. get the rest to be your best with non-habit forming zzzquil. ♪ ♪ ♪ (upbeat music playing) ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ (♪♪) (♪♪) with cascade platinum plus, i have upped my dish game auntie, in that dishwasher? watch me platinum plus gives you the highest standard of clean, even in your machine. clean enough for you? yeah! scrape. load. done.

cascade platinum plus.

>> stephen: hey, everybody. right there. we are back with a host of "the amanpour hour," christiane amanpour. are the events in israel and gaza and elsewhere in the world but right now that is the spot that's been reported on the most, is that taking the attention off ukraine? >> christiane: i think it is, sadly, to a huge extent. and it's also, yes, is taking the attention off which means people are not as focused on it as they were before anything remember, majorities of people certainly in the western world in western democracies, in america and elsewhere, were very behind pushing putin out. now things are getting more foggy. as you have the congress refusing to send life-saving weapons, weapons for their defense. they are literally, literally in

a very, very very precarious position and their president zelenskyy, i don't know if you've interviewed him. you've interviewed a lot of presidents. he's a really interesting guy. speaks great english now. he says i can tell you that we will lose this war if we don't get their weapons. for me, it's a tragedy because there is no western boots on the ground. america is not sending its women and men. we are not in the west. they are fighting a war to defend democracy in europe and it's a huge big deal. the fact that these weapons are not getting there is very significantly awful. >> stephen: one of the things i -- [applause] one of the things i enjoy and admire about your reporting is there's one thing i enjoy, two things, one is that you explain,

cover many tragedies, terrible conflicts around the world. but you don't despair. or at least you don't broadcast that despair to the rest of us. and you also perceive things in great complexity and explain the complexity of things. people want black and white. they want to know good guy, bad guy. how do you maintain your broad view of the complexity of a story? what allows you to do that? >> christiane: particular in this current war, people want tolerate nuance within the different communities. there is a nuanced view even within the jewish community whether it's here or in israel, around the world. nuanced views within the arab palestinian community and how to be able to reach those. i try to bring those views onto my show and try to bring people together who want to talk to each other despite this horror who want to go towards peace, who want to have a conversation

and not be shut down and canceled. that's what gives me the hope and stops me despairing. but i can tell you it's been a long time since i felt this bleak and sad about what's going on because i think we have a crisis of leadership that i think without really strong robust leadership these two entities right now, they are locked in mortal combat, will never be able to pull themselves away and it's going to continue over and over again if there again if there is an -- unless there's a grown-up, joined a political solution. where did i learn this question mike i learned it for my own childhood without even knowing. my father is iranian muslim. my mother's english catholic. there are no longer here but nonetheless i grew up believing and knowing and seeing that everything doesn't have to be a zero-sum game. you can have all sorts of great relationships within and between communities and i've just taken that into my work and that keeps me going. [applause] >> stephen: thank you for sharing.

"the amanpour hour" airs saturdays on cnn. christiane amanpour, everybody. we'll be right back with ncis' wilmer valderrama. thank you. at tj maxx, you can afford to turn your closet into a place of endless expression. with the quality, styles, and prices you love. ♪♪ you wanna know how i get this glow? i get ready with new olay indulgent moisture body wash. it smells amazing

and gives my skin over the top moisture. from dull to visibly glowing in 14 days. ♪♪ see the difference with olay. ♪ ♪ engineered to minimize noise. and built for adventure. which can also be your own quiet cabin in the woods. the fully electric q8 e-tron. an electric vehicle that recharges you. how we get there matters. shopify helps you sell at every stage of your business. so you can sell it online, take it in

person and go big. like a million orders big. whatever the stage, businesses that grow grow with shopify. [stomach growling] it's nothing... sounds like something. ♪when you have nausea, heartburn, indigestion♪ ♪upset stomach, diarrhea♪ pepto bismol coats and soothes for fast relief when you need it most.

♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody. welcome back.

folks, my next guest is an actor you know from "that '70s show," "from dusk til dawn," and "ncis." >> snipers nest. >> it's a nice view from up here. >> yeah. >> didn't have a choice. stuck to the roofing tar. >> that stuff can get everywhere. >> including the shooting boots. they knew vance was coming. >> they knew we were coming too.

>> stephen: please welcome back to "the late show," wilmer valderrama. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] nice to see you again. úwelcome back. thank you for dressing up. you look nice. >> wilmer: it's and night to celebrate. >> stephen: exactly. 1,000 ncis. that's quite an achievement. 21 seasons. 21 seasons. 1,000 shows. >> wilmer: i can't take credit for 8700 of those. i've been on since season 13 or so. >> stephen: something like that, so not even half. eight years and not even half of the shows. what's it like to join something that's been going on for 13

years before we ever get there? do they just go hey, new kid. we let you know how we do stuff. >> wilmer: pretty much. >> stephen: is there a hazing? is there spanking machine? >> wilmer: mark harmon did some spanking for sure. when i first got the opportunity to join ncis. michelle was already doing so great. what can i contribute to the show? i very quickly realize 22 things. one, i kind of came there to poor little coffee in their m milk. [laughter] and the second, they were very honestwith me and said after 13 years, we are not running after the bad guy anymore. >> stephen: they are walking after the bad guy? >> wilmer: pretty much. i had to kind of be be the

action guy. >> stephen: after 1,000 episodes, what, how do you keep the show fresh after all that time? >> wilmer: it's a great question. the show has this interesting -- we always say it's about the people solving the case. when you look back at 1,000 episodes and you look back at 21 and now officially going to 22 seasons. just got picked up. [applause] you realize very quickly that it's about being present. every five years the show takes -- it pays attention to what's happening in the world, creates conversation, makes the story lines kind of relevant what's happening and continues to service that, the people that loved the show, the people we are representing. that's what keeps it fresh. every couple years we assess who we are as a show, who is watching? >> stephen: a lot of people watch. it's one of the shows on cbs.

the thing is it's crazy how many people watch the show. how many people watch on a given night or in a week? >> wilmer: we are one of the very few if not the only show that performs on this level. it's the eighth wonder of the world, you know. every monday night, we average about 7 million. and then by the end of the weekly average about 13 million. last year, 300 million people watched "ncis." >> stephen: wow. that's basically. it's basically what we do here. when you joined, did you go back and watched all 13 seasons? did you watch, 1,000 shows. did you watch 400 shows? to get ready? >> wilmer: i took it very serious. >> stephen: of course. you have to know the backstory of the shows we watched every

episode. >> wilmer: the names of the characters, for sure. i'm going to be completely honest. when i have this opportunity, i was like let me watch the show. the writers were still swinging for the fences, actors are showing up in all that stuff here that may watch an episode. when i watched an episode i think i got one of the bad apples. >> stephen: it wasn't the best episode? >> wilmer: look, out of 22 episodes, not all of them are bangers, okay? 22 episodes of season and a few of them are for the birds. >> stephen: i want to say something to the cbs brass, i totally disagree. everything you do. >> wilmer: how dare you? i trusted you. oh, i trusted you, stephen. i trustedyou. [laughter] you sold me out, man. >> stephen: now you've written a memoir here of your life. there you go. wilmer valderrama an american

story. it says "everyone's invited. what do you mean everyone's invited? >> wilmer: when i first started revisiting my story. that little kid. you have to have a level of audacity and delusional -- >> stephen: where did you grow up? >> wilmer: i was born in miami but raised in venezuela. one guy. looking back and having the audacity of being such a little kid and dreaming that i could be everything i am right now. i started finding a lot of serenity in that and it reminded me that everything really is possible in america. i can start from that little kid and now i'm in the stephen colbert show. it's what america does. i have so much respect for you. you should know that, for us actors and performers, being on the show is something of a landmark, something you never forget. so everyone's invited, i started

really realizing so many of our stories, so many of our immigrant stories have been paraphrased for so much of the last ten years of propaganda. i started realizing. i feel like maybe it's worth reminding people what immigrants also look like. [cheers and applause] so yeah. >> stephen: the book is "an american story: everyone's invited." the 1,000th episode of ncis airs monday at 9:00 p.m. on cbs. wilmer valderrama, everybody. we'll be right back. thank you so much.

are you living out god■s destiny for your life? jack hibbs: i honestly didn■t see myself as a pastor. i had no desire to do that. joni: jack hibbs shares how god took him from humble beginnings to walking in power and purpose. ♪ from the mountains to the coast... ♪ ♪ heatin' up the kitchen ♪ ♪ we got somethin different ♪ ♪ spreadin' good vibes all day ♪ ♪ todos a la mesa ♪ ♪ que buena la mezcla ♪ ♪ it don't get no better ♪ ♪ livin' in the golden state ♪ ♪ lovin' this land everyday ♪ ♪ norte a sur lo puedes ver ♪ ♪ nada se puede comparar ♪ ♪ livin' in the golden state ♪ ♪ vive en el estado dorado...yeah ♪

>> stephen: hey, that's it for "the late show." now stick around for "after midnight." good night! ♪ ♪