for the day. four legged frida. rescued chihuahua. see her dressed up. big hat and everything. the city's first dog mayor thanks to a denation. not too thrilled. find it boring. especially meeting. she met with the board of supervisor supervisors. didn't seem thrilled. declared extra pets treat day. extra dogs like herself make great pets. >> no. >> she is cute. >> very cute. we love mayor frida did a good job. >> bet she will like the rain tomorrow. >> thank you for joining us. be safe in the morning. >> was that you? >> yeah. rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- russell brand,

brooke shields, mario batali, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 165. >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much! that's what i'm talking about right there! everybody, welcome! hot crowd. great new york city crowd! welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. thank you for being here. oh, you look good. a good looking crowd, yeah. [ cheers and applause ]

we don't get crowds like this everywhere. well, we're in for a fun show you guys. welcome. and here's what everyone's talking about. huge, huge sports news. yesterday miami marlins owner jeffrey loria gave outfielder giancarlo stanton a 13 year contract for $325 million. [ audience oohs ] marking the first time a team's owner was tested for drugs. [ laughter ] he's getting how much? [ applause ] to play the outfield? that's right the miami marlins signed giancarlo stanton to a a deal worth $325 million, which is the biggest contract in american sports history. when asked what he who buy with $325 million, stanton said, "the miami marlins? i might as well buy the team, i'm on it already." guys, good news, kim kardashian is back in the news. [ cheers ] it is rumored that she may buy

a private island near australia. 'cause if there's one thing she can't live without, it's her privacy. [ laughter ] and, you know, she's like, "finally, i got a place i can relax, be myself, post my selfies." >> steve: she could take some photos of down under. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: australia. yeah, australia. beautiful, beautiful country. >> steve: beautiful country. >> jimmy: of course, another big issue right now is legalized marijuana. [ cheers ] happening everywhere. i read that washington state just held the first marijuana auction, and ended up selling 300 pounds of pot for $600,000. it was all bought by a customer out of state named giancarlo stanton. [ laughter ] >> steve: really? >> jimmy: yeah, i never heard of the guy. [ applause ] >> steve: a million. >> jimmy: another million right there. >> steve: ca ching! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's get to some

politics here. i saw that yesterday c-span set up a phone line for undocumented immigrants to call in, share their perspective on the immigration debate in the u.s. although it got awkward when the immigrant said, "can i call you back? i'm going through a tunnel." [ laughter and applause ] that's a good one. that's a good one. you write that one down. write that one down. i'll give you five minutes. that's a good one. a little controversy here. i have to say controversy 'cause russell brand is here tonight. a little controversy here, there are reports that before the midterm elections republicans may have broken campaign laws by using twitter to exchange internal polling information. on the bright side, though, that's not the worst way politicians have shared their polls on twitter. [ laughter and applause ] i've seen it -- >> steve: anthony weiner. anthony weiner.

>> jimmy: guys, i thought this was interesting. new reports found that 48 members of congress owned stock in apple. which makes sense why so many of them 'cause they actually use apple products. it also explains some of their other investments. take a look at some of these here. here's illinois congressman daniel lipinski. illinois congressmen, he owns stock in 37 different private blood banks and a company called "von liechtenstein's vertical coffin." [ laughter ] that's what we're hearing. i got it from wikipedia or something. >> steve: wikipedia. you got this from? >> jimmy: next we have congressman leonard lance, he owns stock in coppertone spf 9,000. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: i didn't know you can buy stock in sun screen. >> jimmy: i think these are facts, i don't know. finally there is congressman john j. duncan jr. apparently he owns stock in petco's bald eagle-human food. i didn't even know they sold that. >> steve: i didn't know they sold that. two foods, one thing. wow.

>> jimmy: guys this week, president obama's scheduled to meet with superintendents to discuss his plan to provide students with high-speed internet in the classroom. and teachers will meet with obama and say, "any other ideas for making my job impossible? [ laughter and applause ] do you want to give each kid and ipad with minecraft on it? and a couple of red bulls? leave me alone!" guys here is a local story. times square just unveiled the largest and most expensive digital billboard, which is almost the size of a football field. it's officially the largest digital billboard in north america which is a pretty impressive record. in fact times square is home to lots of impressive records. take a look at some of these other records. first we have biggest crowd surrounding the least impressive break dancer. [ laughter and applause ] he's pretty good, i guess. yeah, he's all right. next there's most bedbugs per elmo costume. [ laughter ] that's a record. that's hard to beat. that's a record that's hard to beat. after that we have the largest unidentified puddle. like what is that?

i don't know what that is. ecto-cooler. >> steve: it hasn't rained in a a week. >> jimmy: and finally, there's, of course, slowest german family. there they go. they're having fun. look over there that's the empire state building. and some business news, yesterday spotify announced a a partnership with uber so customers can listen to their favorite music during the rides. it's a cool way to let the people choose the last song they'll ever hear. i know a short-cut through the woods. [ laughter and applause ] don't worry, we're gonna get there. let's just stop at my cabin. i'll stop at my cabin in the cornfield. [ laughter ] cabin in the cornfield? we just stopped by the cabin in the cornfield, that's all. lll there are a lot of studies that say that most people get their news from facebook, you guys. is that true? do you guys get your news -- well, when facebook found this

out they started printing a a daily newspaper. we got a copy. so let's look at some of today's facebook headlines. let's see what they are. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the top story is facebook message that starts off, "hey, man, definitely asking for a a favor. just wondering if you could look after my boa constrictor for the weekend." "because i'm doing some uber driving." our next story is "man panics after thumb twitch causes him to like co- worker's bikini photos." "oh, no." next headline is, "dad mistakes status bar for search bar posts kim kardashian photos 62 times." [ laughter ] "i keep typing it in it's just not coming up." our last headline is, "photo evidence suggests insane high school friend actually found someone to marry her." [ laughter and applause ] that's great. i get all my news from that. and finally this probably isn't a good idea. an oklahoma shooting range is

testing out a new business model to put people in the mood to buy more guns. and well, just check this out. >> take just two steps inside and you'll know, this is not your father's gun store. >> the first thing i saw right here by the door was the bar. >> that's right. that's right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i wouldn't want to be sitting at that bar when someone is like, "shot, shot, shot, shot, shot!" [ gunshots ] [ applause ] we have a great show! give it up for the roots, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey! [ cheers and applause ] we've got a big week of shows ahead! tomorrow night jon stewart and jim gaffigan will be here! [ cheers and applause ] come on that's awesome. and later this week, mark ruffalo and julianne moore will be joining us as well. [ cheers and applause ]

julianne and i are going to play a game of catchphrase with a couple of special guests. i cannot wait for that. but, first we have a fantastic show tonight. we love this guy. russell brand is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on. what a delight. >> jimmy: he couldn't be more clever. >> steve: smart, funny. >> jimmy: very tall. >> steve: very tall, very handsome. >> jimmy: very handsome. he's a studly dude. we're going to catch up. and then we're going to play a a game of word sneak. >> steve: oohh. >> jimmy: plus she's a great actress and best selling author with a new book out called "there was a little girl," story of my mother and me," brooke shields is dropping in! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wonderful person. >> jimmy: she's fun. and he is one of the best chefs on the planet. and a good friend of the show. what a great human being. i love this guy. we're cooking with mario batali! [ cheers and applause ] russell brand, he has a book out as well. i forgot to pick up his, but it's russell brand doing these children's books. these are real.

they're like twisted takes on children's books. [ laughter ] and they're fun. they're good. >> steve: what are they called? >> jimmy: "russell brand's trickster tales." the first one is the pied piper. which i guess it's like a a twisted tale. >> steve: i love it. >> jimmy: yeah, we'll talk to him. guys its time to take a look at the stories making headlines today and weighing the good with the bad. it's time for the pros and cons. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons and pros ♪ >> jimmy: tonight we'll be taking a look at the pros and cons of las vegas getting a a hockey team. it's rumored the nhl is planning to bring a new team to the city. a lot of residents are concerned about how this will affect their sleepy little town. [ light laughter ] so let's look at the pros and cons of las vegas getting a a hockey team. here we go. pro, the nhl is calling it a a great location for expanding the league. con, las vegas is calling it gambling on ice. there you go. that's fun. [ laughter ] that's fun. pro, buying a souvenir jersey. con, because you lost your shirt at the casino. [ laughter ]

well, that's what happens, yeah. pro, partying with one players while you're there on vacation. con, having a baby with a a mullet nine months later. [ laughter ] >> steve: plastic bag. >> jimmy: it's cute. pro, they'll have a t-shirt gun for home games. con, it will be used to launch cirque du soleil performers 900 feet into the crowd. [ laughter ] sounds dangerous, dude. >> steve: that sounds very dangerous. >> jimmy: very cool. very cool to see. pro, watching a bunch of men with missing teeth trying to score. con, then leaving the strip club to catch a hockey game. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: wait, wait, they're here. >> jimmy: pro, it's a chance for foreign players to come to see some of america's most famous landmarks. con, like the fake statue of liberty, the fake eiffel tower and the fake pyramids. [ laughter and applause ] you don't want to miss those. they're the fakiest. they're the fakiest. >> steve: they're the fakiest. >> jimmy: pro, seeing someone pull off a hat trick. con, in vegas, that's losing your house, your car and your

wife all in one night. very impressive. [ laughter and applause ] pro, it's the best way to see names like semyon varlamov, vladislov namestnikov, and alexei ponikarovsky. con, besides taking an eye exam. there you go. there you have options at that point. pro, las vegas is ready to commit to a hockey team. con, and then wake up the next morning and go, "wait, we didn't --" and finally, pro, it's a great place to take the kids in vegas. con, and then ditch them for two hours as daddy tries to win back the house. there you go that's the pros and cons, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with russell brand! come on. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (music) hey slick, it's me!

i'm a darwinist, brother, alright? some prosper... enjoy the picture, everyone! ...and some struggle. (music) (tires screech) (grunt) i thought you said you wasn't gonna hit me. (music) we had a deal! we had paperwork! une. deux. trois. my daddy was not nice to me! (traffic sounds) (gun clicks) life is just one long mystery. boom! grand theft auto five out now on playstation 4. rated m for mature. playstation

have a cuervo. have an adventure. just don't have any regrets. cuervo. have a story.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest this evening is a great actor, and comedian. also a best-selling author. his stand-up special, "messiah complex", debuts on

november 28th at 10:00 p.m. on epix. and his children's book he wrote "the pied piper of hamelin" --i want to talk to him about this -- it's currently on shelves. please welcome a good friend of the show, mr. russell brand, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: russell brand, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] russell brand. you look sharp. you always look sharp. very good looking man. [ cheers ] >> well, that's kind of you. >> jimmy: they mean it. they mean it. you're a studly guy, you're a a manly man. i go back stage, they say be careful, russell's in his room

watching football, watching a a match. >> yes, well i'm tough. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] and i walk into the dressing room, i go, what's up russell. i walk in and you and your friends are watching "frozen." [ laughter ] i go, what? what kind of match was that? >> some of us believe in love! >> jimmy: all right, all right. that's funny. i get that. did your team win? >> yeah, england triumphed over scotland. >> jimmy: there you go. good. so that's good. so you're in a good mood. you're in a festive mood. you're excited to be here. >> i could indulge in an act of hooliganism right now. >> jimmy: you, no, no, no. i don't want that to happen. >> i'm pumped. >> jimmy: no! no, no, no, no, no! no, no. [ cheers and applause ] >> also the end of "frozen" made me feel glad. >> jimmy: don't spoil it. i haven't seen it. >> that poor kid talked. >> jimmy: no, no. >> they need true love. >> jimmy: they do. i need to talk to you about this, because when i first met you it was back at secret

policeman's ball, years ago. probably ten years ago maybe. >> we've known each other a a long time, jimmy. and i think i've put more into our relationship than you have. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not nice. don't say that on the air, because that's not true. >> i think i love you more than you love me. that's what i think. that's what it feels like sometimes. >> jimmy: no it does not. because i mean, i follow you on twitter. we tweet at each other sometimes. >> you satirize me with hate crimes about the way i talk. [ laughter ] oh, oh, i'm from england. oh, come here, like that. >> jimmy: can i just say, that doesn't sound much different than your first voice. [ laughter ] it's very similar. >> that's what i mean. that's a hate crime. [ english accent ] >> jimmy: you're very flowy. and very high pitched. and very -- [ cheers and applause ] and fantastical! and you're beautiful. and just stupendous. [ laughter ] >> jimmy? >> jimmy: yes. >> this is anti-bullying week. >> jimmy: no, no, no. i'm not bullying. >> and you just destroyed me. >> jimmy: no, i'm a fan though. >> i know. >> jimmy: you know i'm a super fan of yours.

>> that's a bloody good impression. in a way, it's an honor to be humiliated by you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> i'm about to go marry you. so hard. >> jimmy: i well, no -- it's the voice and the delivery, it's just brilliant and no one else does it. that's why i'm happy to see that you're doing stand-up again. >> oh yeah, i am doing that. that's my job. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. good for you. well you're a fantastic -- that's when i first saw you. i want to say that you -- well, your act, but it was written, but it looked like you just pull out a newspaper and you just look through different things and then you make fun of the stories. but it look like it was improvised, but clearly it was written. >> it weren't. it might have been. i was watching "frozen." oh [ bleep ]. no, no. >> jimmy: "messiah complex" is the name of this special. it's on epix. >> yeah, epix is the type of tv channel you won't have heard of. >> jimmy: yes. i've never heard of epix yet. but it's e-p-i-x. we tune in to epix? we go, wow, first of all, i've never heard of this channel. >> never heard of it. >> jimmy: but this is great. we're watching epix. here's russell brand. "messiah complex." do you have a messiah complex?

>> oh no, that's where you think you might be jesus. no, i don't have a messiah complex. in it i talk about people like malcolm x, che guevara, gandhi and jesus and what made them such splendid fellows. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and also that some of them are flawed. not jesus, because he's a a realization of the pure consciousness of the lord. but the others are just normal folk who did great things. [ laughter ] want to talk about that? >> jimmy: this is why i want to talk about that. i love that. >> gandhi was nice. malcolm x, what a good guy. che guevara, all worked very hard and did some great things. for ordinary people, encouraged ordinary people to rise up and face corruption wherever they found it. that's a good thing in these corrupt times. >> jimmy: absolutely, yeah. you need more people like these. >> you need more people like them. but don't have them in a room all at once or they will quarrel. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: because they're all going to be right. yeah, yeah. that's true. i didn't think about that, yeah. >> malcolm, for example, may become agitated by gandhi. >> jimmy: you don't think, yeah, they would get -- >> or they might just all gandhi. i don't know what gandhi, is

fussy isn't he? and doesn't want to eat all the time, and goes on a hunger strike. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you don't set the meeting at a dinner somewhere, or a restaurant. that wouldn't be where -- >> i think it would be difficult for them to come together. that would be my concern. all of them in their own way are great, great men. >> jimmy: yeah. now, you do this. and i heard that howard stern got you to go back to stand-up, is that true? >> yeah, i think so. i think he might want me to stop making films. like, go and do stand-up. >> jimmy: no. >> i'm like, what i'm an artist. he commanded it. he did. >> jimmy: he made it happen. >> and you know howard stern. he's seductive, isn't he? you go on his programs, and suddenly you're talking about your private life in an explicit way. >> jimmy: he's fantastic that way. >> how did he make you do that? i was talking about my perineum. [ laughter ] that's the space between your sexual organs and your anus. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's talk about your children's book. >> that is one of your great -- you are the king of great minds. you went from anus to children's literature. brilliant. he's unstoppable. >> jimmy: no, no, no, come on. >> that's getting in the show.

that's definitely going to make it. >> jimmy: no, i want to know about this. because i think this is interesting. because simon and shuster are having you do these books. "russell brand's trickster tales." and these are like, based on, these are the actual stories. >> oh, yeah. you know what it is? folk stories. you know when you were a kid, you hear red riding hood and pied piper and all that. turns out that deep within that is a code to change the way that we think. we don't have access to these kind of stories these days. we don't have stories that encourage us to think individualistically and materialistically. if we read those kind of folk stories, it connects to one another and combine forces in a a book for children. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: but this guy, and it's well -- the drawings are amazing as well in this book, i should say. who drew this? chris? >> do you get nervous when people are laughing and you don't know why, jim? [ laughter ] that's always been, it's a a great fear of mine. as a comedian, i would like to think i'm in charge of the laughing. >> jimmy: you're the reason why

they're laughing. you're a funny human being, that's why. that's why, right? you're laughing because he's funny. [ cheers and applause ] that's why they're laughing. you're very funny. you have a skill. but the pied piper, i didn't know how twisted and weird this story was. i forgot what it was. i thought it was the man who has a flute or something? >> the pied piper, they got a a rat problem, like here in new york as a matter of fact. they've got a rat problem. >> jimmy: no we don't have a a rat problem anymore, really? >> don't try to deny your rat problem. [ laughter ] it's bad. >> jimmy: no, it's not that bad. >> i seen one like a person arguing with me. >> jimmy: you got in an argument with a rat? >> i got the idea for the book from the rats. write about rats. from a new york rat. >> jimmy: he yelled that to you, yeah. >> they developed a language. they're so evolved. they're so protected here. what happened is, oh yeah, the pied piper of hamelin. they've got a town, they got a a rat problem. the bloke shows up and goes i can solve your rat problem. like that bloke in "jaws", like him. >> jimmy: yes. >> then he takes the rats away. they knock him for the money. that's an english word meaning

they didn't pay him for the money. they don't give him the money. so he goes, well, if you don't want to pay me, we'll take all of the children. and then he does do that. now that's an overreaction. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i would agree, it's a a bit of an overreaction. maybe just get a lawyer and say, hey, you owe me the money. >> small claims court. >> jimmy: judge judy perhaps. yeah. >> judge judy, please. they've not paid for this. for the rats. >> jimmy: he's not paid for this. he got rid of the rats. they didn't pay him. >> oh, he'll take the children then. so that's an overreaction. >> jimmy: so he takes the children. then i forget the ending. >> that is it. [ laughter ] the ending is all the children get taken. so what is that telling you? if you're not connected to a a divine force, as demonstrated by the pipe. the pied piper is connected to a magical world. if you forget the most important things you'll lose what you value the most. because otherwise it's a story about a weird guy who steals a a lot of children. and i don't want to try to promote that on your show. >> jimmy: no, no. you've already done enough of that. thank you very much. "russell brand's trickster tales", you guys. if you want to pick up this book here.

[ cheers and applause ] i have a trickster game i'd like to play with you. >> i'd like to. >> jimmy: yeah? you'll play with me. i'm going to play a game with russell brand after the break. stick around everybody. russell brand! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ introducing applebee's revolutionary triple bacon all-in burger™. with smoky bacon ranch sauce, bacon seared inside fresh ground beef, and more bacon on the outside. new all-in burgers™ with free refills of fries,

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>> jimmy: russell, what is going on? russell? guys, welcome back. we're here with russell brand. now, russell, what's happening? >> this isn't a proper town. >> jimmy: yes, it is. that is the best. it's new york city. >> toy world. >> jimmy: very expensive toy. a beautifully sculpted toy. >> ludicrous. >> jimmy: no. that's not, no. they're very heavy. >> rhubarb! >> jimmy: you can't say that word. >> hullabaloo! >> jimmy: you can't say "rhubarb" on american television. >> that's allowed. >> jimmy: that's not allowed. russell, i want to play a game with you if you don't mind. >> i respect you. and i respect your wishes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know why, but i feel like i want to spice up the conversation a little bit more. >> yeah. we've hit a bit of a plateau. >> jimmy: yes. so, what i was thinking -- >> since we've learned that that's a macabre joke. >> jimmy: that is not true. now look, i want to play a game called "word sneak", okay? >> okay.

>> jimmy: now here's what we're going to do. we're going to have a a conversation, okay. >> i know how that works. you sneak words into each other's minds using telepathy. >> jimmy: no, that's not it at all. >> jimmy: now here's the way it's going to work. now you're going to read these words -- >> i understand! >> jimmy: and try to sneak it into conversation. >> sneak it in? [ cheers and applause ] just sneak it in. >> jimmy: you don't have to do that when you say sneak it in. >> jimmy, i've spent my whole life sneaking things in. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: alright. now, look. now russell. you have to sneak it in. >> i know what sneaking means. >> jimmy: to the conversation. ready? now just try. >> i'm sneaking. >> jimmy: yes, ready, go. now, try to just go and tell the story. sneak it in. normal conversation. >> hi, jim, it's nice to see you again. >> jimmy: great to see you. you look fantastic. >> thank you. well, that's probably because i carry out my blue shins. i exfoliate. i use a luffa. i use soap all over myself. my toenails are kept super clean. i keep them polished, and sparkled, and covered in glitter. my physical appearance is important to me, jimmy. i knew i was going to be visiting your macabre micro toy town and i thought, you know, keep myself well scrubbed up.

>> jimmy: all right. >> now i snuck words in there. >> jimmy: you did you sneak it in there? >> words have been snuck in. >> jimmy: okay. >> do i just carry on now? >> jimmy: yeah. go to the second card now. you snuck a word in. >> you've got to later on guess. >> jimmy: no, i'm going to sneak a word in now. >> aw, that's out of order. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, that's the way it works. >> nothing's a two-way street. >> jimmy: it's like a frisbee, i throw it this way, you throw it this way. >> i get it. like a frisbee. >> jimmy: yes. >> is that the word? >> jimmy: yes. >> aw! [ cheers ] ♪ >> jimmy: no. i don't want you to guess the word. i don't want you to guess the word. i'm sneaking it into the conversation. now you've got to sneak your second word into the conversation. >> so jimmy, i suppose we'll be meeting mario batali, who's a a professional chef who's here. i suppose he makes all manner of cuisine and delightful gourmet snacks and treats. a variety of pastas and dishes and trouts and salmon, and octopus, calamari. all manner of snacks from around the world, i suppose. >> jimmy: every different type of food from here to mythical lands. >> like what? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know. hey have you ever -- seriously, though.

where is the craziest place you've been on like, a a vacation? like, you've ever been as a a tourist. you've seen things, like toy town. >> like toy town there? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> because that's not a real town. >> jimmy: but what if, yeah. but what if they were giant, like, stones, you know. maybe the aliens brought down, or some -- >> you think this could be an extraterrestrial monument? >> jimmy: like stonehenge. i think this could be like that. >> i don't know who you think you're dealing with, fallon. i'm from england. >> jimmy: yes. >> i know what a henge is. >> jimmy: yes. >> stonehenge. do i guess? >> jimmy: no. >> oh. [ laughter ] you know, it's lovely that you brought the roots with you on your journey to the top a show business tree. >> jimmy: thank you. they're the greatest. [ cheers and applause ] >> in the glorious cornucopia of world of entertainment, you need men like them to support you, i suppose. don't you? >> jimmy: i do. we need great men. >> great noble men.

men like, i don't know -- this game's making me feel like i'm trapped in a prison of language. [ laughter ] i'm in a vortex of words. >> jimmy: i know. it's kind of fun to see you try to get out. >> you trapped me. you've tricked me, you've played games with me. i feel like i'm an instrument that you're playing. like you're orchestrating my emotions but with a variety of tunes. whether it's tango, mambo, or like, i don't know, some international dance festival that you're playing with my consciousness. [ laughter ] like, as long as i've said the word, my work is done, right? >> jimmy: i guess so, yeah. [ laughter ] >> a lot of these words are outrageous. >> jimmy: we didn't have this kind of trouble when john goodman was here last week, i'll tell you that much. >> i think a lot about these words, jim. and the tapes will show i've been a bloody good sport. >> jimmy: wait so all of the words. you didn't go in order. you just randomly got all the

words in? >> you didn't explain to me that this was like the dictatorship of language. [ laughter ] you didn't tell me that i was living in some sort of sing-sing of lingo, some prison. yeah? >> jimmy: yeah. well i think, i think -- i think you're a little nuts. >> what i think you've done is you've tyrannized me with your masculinity. but there is an air of femininity to you. you're like a perverse hybrid. like a female body builder. like a person who's neither one thing or another. like a hermaphrodite with a new genital in your armpit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i'm just -- >> i'll tell you what -- >> jimmy: i'm just hard to describe. i'm like, i'm like grape nuts. it's a cereal. it's wheat. it's not grapes. it's not nuts. it's a breakfast cereal, and it's good for you. and the more you eat me, the better you're going to feel, man. >> jimmy, when you talk to me like that, it makes me want to kiss your bung hole. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's it right there. thanks to russell brand, everybody!

brooke shields joins us after the break. stick around, everybody! we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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go to coveredca.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guys, our next guest is a golden globe nominated actress, as well as a "new york times" best-selling author. she has written a new book called "there was a little girl -- the real story of my mother and me." ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the talented, the gorgeous, brooke shields! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: congrats! thank you for being on the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i appreciate it. >> i love you. >> jimmy: right back at you. i've been seeing you everywhere. you're on the cover of every

magazine. >> yikes. all me all day. >> jimmy: "people" magazine. all because of --. >> you can't get enough. >> jimmy: it's fascinating. here you are, writing about your mom. it's interesting to find out these stories. because i don't know much about your mom. i know a little bit about your mom. >> well, i mean, like most people, they know what's been sort of more continuously written about her and --. >> jimmy: yeah, she was your manager. >> she was my manager, she was my mom, she was my everything. i mean, it the two of was us against the world, during a a time when there weren't many young actors, there weren't many young models. there weren't. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and we just sort of -- it was us against the world. you would have loved her. >> jimmy: really? she's super fun. >> like if we had all gone out together. you would have laughed your bleep off. like you -- like it would. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah thank you. >> i don't know now, after what you just experienced. >> jimmy: after russell, yeah. >> god bless all of you. i was like -- >> jimmy: i'm not left with much. >> i was in my dressing room like, i'm exhausted watching that. >> jimmy: trust me, imagine being me. >> i can't imagine. >> jimmy: she's also gorgeous. i mean come on look how. >> look how sex -- she was like this babe.

she was this sort of. >> jimmy: beautiful, your mom. >> she was just sort of and that's who she kind of created, she was sort of larger than life. she was from newark. she was, you know, this unbelievable -- i mean, she got out of newark and she was going to make a name for herself. >> jimmy: yeah. >> she was not wealthy. but she wanted to be accepted by society. and so, i mean, she's the kind of woman that couldn't afford the dresses -- the pucci dresses, that sort of like the rich upper east side women wore. and so she -- and he -- emilio would write his name in all the dresses. >> jimmy: emilio pucci. >> emilio pucci. she would make her own dresses. and put terri. and people would be like -- >> jimmy: you don't have a a terri, oh. good for her. >> she was like it was great until it rained. it would be like --. >> jimmy: the ink would run, yeah absolutely. another story that i was looking, looking through. i saw there was one where she worked at a make up counter. >> yes. >> jimmy: and so, she would apply makeup to women. >> right. well, she got this job un-schooled. and see, she basically said -- there was a makeup artist position opening, and she said, i'll do that. and she acted as if she knew

what she was talking about. >> jimmy: but she didn't really know what she was talking about? >> no, and she's right-handed. so she's only capable of doing the left side of someone's face. >> jimmy: of course. >> so after -- >> jimmy: that's half the battle. >> after creating a picasso, a a couple of faces she was like, oh, i better figure something out. she would do the left side, stop, turn them in the mirror and say, "now, let's see if you can figure out what i did and repeat it." >> jimmy: now let's see you do it. let's see you finish the project. >> yeah, so they were like, oh my god, we just got a lesson from the expert. >> jimmy: that's a brilliant way of doing it. and they thought she was a genius. i mean, that's the way she lived her life. she didn't know she created. >> jimmy: and then she also very -- one of the things i thought was cool, you wanted to eat dessert all the time. you wanted you eat -- >> i wanted to eat devil dogs for dinner. >> jimmy: devil dogs are the most delicious things in the whole wide world. >> yeah, what's so bad about that? >> jimmy: you just wanted to eat them for dinner. >> i just wanted to eat them for dinner. she said, you want them for dinner? she bought me 12 of them and said eat them all. and i was like nirvana. i was like, i have the best mom in the world.

>> jimmy: you are the best mom in the world! and by three, i was like -- >> jimmy: exactly. >> she's like, no, continue. and honestly, it was the last day of my life i've ever eaten a devil dog. >> jimmy: really? oh, they're delicious. >> i know. but seriously, it was like -- she had this weird reverse psychology. >> jimmy: is this how you're raising your kids? because, i've met your kids and they're great. >> yeah, you know that doesn't work on them. they're sort of no. >> jimmy: it doesn't work, no. >> they're like, are you an idiot? i'm going to eat 12? like they're just -- >> jimmy: they're just smart, they're like no, i'm not going to eat 12, what are you trying to do mom? >> yeah, i mean, i'm so much more naive than my kids are. it's amazing how much savvier they are and how much more manipulative they are. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, really they are, yeah. >> for real. like i, it didn't occur to me to question my mother, to manipulate. she was larger than life. she was god to me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i mean, you know, she -- i wasn't going to write a book about my mother. i really wasn't, it wasn't about me per se. i was sort of the template to tell the story about how amazingly complex mothers are. >> jimmy: yeah.

>> and we all have them. and we either want to be like them, or want to not be like them. but we want enough of them or we don't, or we miss them or we want more for them. and it's amazing, you come from these people. >> jimmy: and you turn out the way you turned out. which is fantastic. congratulations. you have a great family. i love chris and your kids. [ cheers and applause ] >> i got lucky. >> jimmy: you got to read this. a lot of great stories in here. "there was a little girl -- the real story of my mother and me." [ cheers and applause ] hey uh, mario batali is cooking. do you want to stick around? that's our buddy. >> oh, my god, it's the trifecta. >> jimmy: i love it, let's do it! mario batali, brooke sheilds, and i will be cooking. come on back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ aniswhat i'm wearing, ask me i tell them aveeno®. because beautiful skin goes with everything. [ female announcer ] aveeno® daily moisturizing lotion has active naturals® oat with five vital nutrients

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is one of the greatest chefs in the world. not to mention a host of "the chew" and best-selling author. this is his tenth cookbook, gosh, "america farm-to-table." it's in stores now. please welcome our pal, chef mario batali! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ grazzie, mario, first of all, i want to say, "thank you." last night we were all out at del posto. celebrating a friend's birthday. man, that was delicious and awesome. you have some of the best -- >> brooke: i didn't get that call. >> jimmy: sorry about that. i meant to send you an e-mail.

>> we could have used another waiter. >> brooke: i would have done it. you know. >> jimmy: we both would have worked that station, too. thank you for that, buddy. as always, everything was good. >> thank you, it was a a pleasure. also, lupa 15 years? >> 15 years. >> jimmy: come on. >> that's what we're celebrating, 15 years. our roman -- called lupa. today we're making chicken saltimbocca but we're moving quickly, because you spent so much time with that english guy. so we've got to get going on this. >> jimmy: he has a name. >> so here's this. his name is russell brand. i think he's absolutely brilliant. i love the guy. a slice of apple and a slice of lemon into your muddler. >> jimmy: yup. >> and try to keep it out of your eye. >> i love a muddler. >> jimmy: okay. slice of apple, slice of lemon. >> right, yeah. muddle. >> jimmy: and you muddle it up. >> alright. >> jimmy: okay, very good. >> brooke: muddle it. >> geez, i got myself right in the eye. >> brooke: muddling. >> jimmy: all right. i can't even do this. >> brooke: muddling, no. >> all right, go right in here with that. >> jimmy: already i screwed up. i just jammed it in there. [ laughter ] i'm muddling. i have a waterproof container. [ laughter ] i preserved the lemon completely. [ laughter ] don't break it. >> go at it, go at it, go at it. >> jimmy: oh you are man.

>> that's what i'm talking about! alright, good. [ cheers and applause ] >> throw your muddled stuff in there. because we want to squeeze up that lemon. >> jimmy: yeah. >> very good. and then we do lemon and apple. and then we put this filled with cider. more squeeze, good job. brooke knows what will make a a cocktail good. and just a little bit of lemon. >> jimmy: i just go straight with the food. >> all right, now can you shake this? >> brooke: yes. >> i know you can. >> jimmy: hey, hey, watch it, buddy. do you want me to pound my meat? >> yes, i want you to pound your meat. >> jimmy: perfect, here we go. >> take the chicken. >> brooke: i'll shake it while you pound your meat. >> jimmy: fantastic. this is the chicken saltimbocca. >> chicken saltimbocca. >> jimmy: you remember the first, we were, you were on "late night," and you came on the show, and our pan didn't work and nothing cooked, and we had to eat it raw. >> no, no, n i do recall. i already made lobster. i had already cooked lobster. we had prepared tomato sauce. we put garlic in and we realized the pan wasn't going. so we're going like this and jimmy and i are going -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: listen to that sizzling, you guys. >> but then we ate it. it wasn't bad. >> jimmy: it was delicious. a little sushi lobster. >> alright, so now brooke, you're pouring out our

beverages. >> brooke: i'm pouring out the beverages. >> jimmy: oh yeah, here we go. and already this smells great. i want to give everybody a a taste of this. >> in a perfect world we would have time. >> jimmy: a little prosciutto. >> we would have wrapped it up in prosciutto. put a little piece of sage in between if folded it over. then pounded it a little bit more, put it in the sauté pan, after having drenched it in extra in flour with salt and pepper. then sautéed it in extra virgin olive oil, so crispy on the one side. flipped it over, added some shallots, a little bit of marcella wine. >> jimmy: he's a professional. >> a tiny bit of --. [ laughter ] then we adjust a little bit of parsley like that. we crank the heat to the left. take a sip of our drink. >> jimmy: cheers, and this is why he is a professional chef, mario batali. >> for jimmy fallon! the greatest host -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love this guy. >> hold on, hold on. >> jimmy: how is everyone at "the chew," by the way? how's everyone at "the chew" doing? >> "the chew" is rocking. its' -- >> jimmy: i love everyone on that whole show. they're great people. >> brooke: i spent the afternoon with them. they were great. >> jimmy: did you really? oh gosh, i love it so much. well have a taste of this. >> chopped liver over here?

come on. >> jimmy: no, no. chopped liver is next on the menu. we're doing that next. here's some pre-made stuff. >> no, that's -- >> jimmy: it looks good, though. it looks good. we made it for the audience as well, yeah. you guys, mario batali! [ cheers and applause ] "america, from farm to table" is in stores. he's the best dude in the world. we'll be right back. brooke shields! you know how to make a a cocktail, man. that's delicious. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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