wa, mom. no, eric! no shot, no toy! what?! okay, doctor, i'm ready for my shots. eric, i've been speaking with your mother... i'm afraid there's some bad news. bad news? what are you talking about? mom? your mother received a heavy dose of vaccine that wasn't meant for an adult. i'm afraid there have been... side effects. what side effects? mom?! mom! mom? are you here, m-- [ gasps ] [ softly ] eric... [ echoing ] nooo... noooooo! >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central, it's america's only source for news... this is "the daily show" with your hosts, desi lydic and michael kosta!

[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> michael: welcome to the daily show, i'm michael kosta. >> desi: and i'm desi lydic! we've got a lot of news to get into. russia meddles in its own election. spring break might be broken. and when life gives elon musk lemons, he fires them. but first let's get into our ongoing coverage of "indecision 2024." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ donald trump has had a good week. he sealed the gop nomination. one of his 54 trials was postponed. he just figured out you can google "boobs." the man should be on top of the world! but some of his close friends in the right wing media are concerned. >> i know you have supporters, friends and families.

they say it's lonely at the top, and i'm actually curious. is it ever lonely for you?" [laughter] >> desi: what a ridiculous question for a journalist to ask. of course he's not lonely. he saw his wife just six months ago! [bleep] walter cronkite over here. trump answered this question the way he answered every question: by saying whatever was on his mind at that moment. >> i study history and i was always told that andrew jackson as the president was treated the absolute worst. he was just really lambasted and i heard abraham lincoln was second, but he was in a thing called the civil war. i don't care andrew jackson or anybody else -- nobody has -- when you think of the fake things -- nobody has been treated like trump in terms of badly. [laughter] >> desi: yes, in terms of badly, trump has been treated the badliest.

[cheers and applause] although maybe lincoln was treated a little bit worse, what with being shot in the head and all? [laughter] i doubt he was on his deathbed saying, "at least i didn't have a pee tape rumor." >> michael: and by the way, how mistreated could andrew jackson have been? the man is on the 20 dollar bill! i use that bill every day, it's the one i give to the homeless. [laughter] i ask for 19 dollars back, but that's not the point. [laughter] plus, back then, even if the press wrote a horrible story about you, half the country was illiterate. "honey, you see this article about andrew jackson?" "no, i can't read." [laughter] "i can't read, either! why did we buy this newspaper?" let's move on, because not all the influential, powerful men in the world have been getting such easy questions this week. >> reporter: this morning a high profile deal between two unlikely partners imploding. after a confrontational interview between former cnn anchor, don lemon, and elon

musk, turned tense during a taping of the new "the don lemon show," that was supposed to debut next week on musk's platform, "x." >> hate speech on the platform is up. do you believe that "x" and you have some responsibility to moderate hate speech on the platform. >> i don't have to answer these questions. >> -- the great replacement theory as it relates to jewish people, do you think -- >> i don't have to answer questions from reporters. don, the only reason i did this interview is because you're on the "x" platform and you asked for it. otherwise, i would not do this interview. >> reporter: hours later, lemon says he received a short text from musk that read, contract is cancelled. >> michael: to be fair to elon though, you never really expect to hire someone and immediately be asked about the jewish great replacement theory. you usually want to wait for the christmas party for that. i'm sorry, but between trump and elon, when did all these macho men become such pussies? aren't you the ones who complain about snowflakes and liberal victimhood? when elon bought twitter he was

like "this is the free speech town square, baby!" but then anytime somebody criticizes him he's like "the town square is closed for repairs!" it's terrible. teddy roosevelt's critics shot him during a speech and he didn't even go to the hospital. which shows one, how tough he is and two, how terrible healthcare was back then. [laughter] but these "alpha" males today get one tough question, and they start whining like my kid when i tell him he can't watch "cars 2" for the 8th time today. "muhhh daddy it's not fair." well you know what else isn't fair? it's not fair that i, a grown man, now know all the words to cars 2. [laughter] >> desi: that's very sad, very sad to. let's move on to the big news in the travel industry. the guy at boeing whose job it is to change the "days without an incident" sign. got to stay home from work yet again. >> this morning, an american airline boeing 777 traveling from dallas to los angeles forced to make an emergency landing after reports of

mechanical problems. this video capturing the moment the plane, carrying 249 people, touched down at lax airport with a possible flat tire. this comes on the heels of several other incidents on boeing planes in recent days. on monday, hydraulic fluid began leaking from the bottom of this boeing 777. boeing failed dozens of faa audits, with nearly 100 instances of non-compliance after that door plug flew off a 737 max 9 in january. >> desi: boeing, what is going on with you?! there should be no leaking fluids on planes. unless you were the guy on the diarrhea plane. he's grandfathered in, he can leak anywhere he wants. [laughter] at this point, boeing's competitors barely even need p.r. departments. they look so good just for doing the bare minimum. airbus: we don't have any screws leftover in the bag.

[laughter] >> michael: nice. [cheers and applause] >> desi: at this point, i'm just done with boeing airplanes. back to cruise ships for me, where nothing ever goes wrong. >> michael: well you know who's not worried about boeing? me. yeah, a door fell off, there was a leak -- and guess what? the planes still landed! boeing should be advertising that. boeing. we forgot some screws -- but you still made it to tampa. [applause] you know what's way less safe than flying? taking a car to the airport! my driver this morning passed a semi-truck by cutting through a playground, so no, i'm not worried about boeing. the truth is, even with doors falling off, air travel is still the safest way to get around. so yeah, i'm gonna keep flying. i even flew here today, from brooklyn.

so i don't mind if a door flies off now and then. in fact i wouldn't mind a few more doors flew off -- if more people were scared of flying, i could get through security faster. i've got all the things! precheck, global entry, clear, clear plus, clear plus with ads -- and i'm still waiting 15 minutes for a guy to fold up his stroller for the first time in his life. [laughter] and if you disagree, too bad, because planes are the only game in town. what, i'm not going to fly to vegas for my college buddy's fantasy football draft? grow up. [laughter] >> desi: let's move on to some international news. because the us isn't the only country having an election this year. >> russians will head to the polls for three days beginning friday to vote in a presidential election that has vladimir putin seeking a fifth term. president putin is urging voters to cast ballots as a show of patriotism. >> every vote you cast is valued and meaningful. therefore i urge you to exercise

your right to vote. >> desi: you heard vladimir putin, every vote in the russian election is valued and meaningful, which is why the winner of this race is completely up in the air! >> michael: that's right, anything can happen. so of course we're going all out with complete team coverage in another installment of democ-russki 2024! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> michael: let's start over at the election center with ronny chieng. [cheers and applause] ronny, what are the results showing so far? >> ronny: it's a tight race, michael. let's look at the map. the red areas are where putin is winning so far. he's doing well with urban voters, farmers, dead people, dead people with a college degree, and women inside of larger women inside of larger women.

[laughter] [applause] >> michael: sounds like he's doing great. can we just call the race for him? >> ronny: well let's not get ahead of ourselves. take a look at this area here just outside moscow. you can see he's in real danger of falling below 99% in this region. we're gonna have to watch that as the night progresses. it's democracy -- anything can happen! >> michael: ronny i think that 1% just went down to 0%. >> ronny: wow, it did, what a comeback for putin. i told you anything can happen. >> desi: thank you so much ronny. [applause] great analysis. all right, for a look at the situation on the ground, let's go live to moscow with some fresh exit polls and troy iwata. [cheers and applause] troy, what are you learning? >> troy: desi, we're learning

a lot about why russians are so drawn to vladimir putin. listen to these exit poll results. first, 94% of voters said they did not want to accidentally fall out a window, and 96% said they did not want to be poisoned. [laughter] those are the top two issues, third being putin's age. [laughter] >> michael: oh, voters are worried about putin being too old? >> troy: no they're saying putin is so robust for a 71 year old that he might do too good a job. also the falling out of a window thing. they can't emphasize that enough. [laughter] >> desi: yes i see how that could be a concern. how much longer are the polls open? >> troy: until 9 pm and russian officials are telling voters, if you're in line, stay in line or there will be consequences. >> michael: thank you, troy of course, putin was not running unopposed. let's go to the opposition's election night party with grace kuhlenschmidt.

[cheers and applause] >> desi: grace, how's the mood there? >> grace: it's grim. there's no music, no food, we're on an ice floe in the east siberian sea, and it's a cash bar. [laughter] >> desi: wait, you're on an ice floe? that doesn't sound like you're at a party. >> grace: well, it's less of a party and more of a floating prison. but whether we live or die out here, it's still less depressing than the hillary 2016 party. >> desi: okay. good luck? and finally, let's go to the putin victory party at the kremlin with jordan klepper. [cheers and applause] >> michael: jordan you've been to a lot of political rallies, how does this compare? >> jordan: it's great, michael! no notes! what a win for democracy! >> michael: really? you're not gonna do that thing where you talk to kooks who are blindly faithful to their party leader? >> jordan: no, michael. everybody is normal here and i

have no reason to question or subversively mock anyone. okay?! putin, 2024! >> desi: russia's a free and open democracy! speak your mind! let's hear some cutting barbs! >> jordan: are you trying to get me [bleep] killed?! hey hey! privyet, mr. president! six more years! six, hundred more years! oh, and good luck in november! >> michael: wait, he has another election this november? >> jordan: a big one! just not in russia! [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> desi: okay! thank you, everyone. it's great to see democracy in action! >> michael: so true. when we come back: spring break! don't go away. [cheers and applause]

the moment a friend becomes a real friend. ohhh... please no. who wants to jam? [playing ukulele off-key] hey pal! friends don't let friends be ukulele guy. oh, he's humming now. i think i'm gonna be sick. somebody make it stop! nah, man. no. ( ♪♪ ) dos equis. raise one with a real one. little caesars slices-n-stix is the world's greatest combination. carl? sorry pb&j. how dare you? half italian cheese stix, half pepperoni pizza. get a hot-n-ready slices-n-stix

for $6.99. walk in and walk out between 4—8 pm. pizza. pizza. [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to the daily show. let's talk about spring break. the most exciting week of the year for college students and gonorrhea. [laughter] >> michael: gonnorhea, not that bad. [laughter]

of course, one of the hottest spring break destinations is florida, where the beaches are as bountiful as the meth dealers. but in recent years, the fun has been getting dangerously out of hand, and one florida city has had enough. >> miami beach is breaking up with spring break. >> shutting down spring break in miami. >> this year city officials told the spring breakers to go somewhere else. restrictions including the closing of the beach at 6:00 p.m., and liquor stores at 8:00 >> to drive the message home, a public service announcement that's gone viral, miami beach telling rowdy spring breakers it's not us, it's you. >> maybe we can talk when you're done with your spring break phase. >> desi: miami is shutting down spring break? where else will college students be able to get alcohol poisoning and have terrible sex with each other? and who is miami to get upset about spring break? one in three people there is a dj. are they like, "keep it down! i'm trying to be super loud over here!" >> michael: now, because of the crackdown, many students have decided to go to fort lauderdale instead of miami, but that's not a good idea either.

because, one: it's fort lauderdale. and two: the cops there are hassling spring breakers in a way that might be even worse. >> spring break descending on fort lauderdale, florida with huge crowds flocking there after miami put in strict curfews and restrictions. but fort lauderdale police are turning festivities into a possible job offer. >> we are out here just spreading the message we are recruiting right now actively for police officers. ♪ ♪ >> sing alongs, trivia games, fort lauderdale police having fun with spring breakers. >> are you guys ready? yeah. all right. you got your thinking caps on. you ready to go? [laughter] >> michael: obviously they don't have their thinking caps on. then they'd get a thinking cap tan line. but i'm sorry: do you know how bad your spring break has to be to want to become a cop afterwards? usually when college students get blackout drunk, they wake up with a penis sharpied on their face. these kids are waking up like, "why do i have a police badge?

[bleep]!" >> desi: how do you even try to convince spring breakers to become cops? are you just walking down the beach like, "you guys are in good shape. would you be willing to get out of shape?" >> michael: i see you're blowing all of your parents money. how's you like to blow an entire city's money? >> desi: "i see you're not solving a murder at the moment. would you like to get paid to not solve a murder?" >> michael: "i noticed you've been sitting doing nothing for six straight hours. want to keep doing that, but with a gun? >> desi: "you've crushed a lot of beer today. want to keep doing that, but with a gun?" >> michael: of course if you don't want to go to florida, there are literally hundreds of other fun places. dozens of other. there's one other place to go for spring break: new orleans. and to prove the big easy still knows how to party, here's fox news with a major scoop. >> i had the opportunity to talk to one young lady yesterday, young lady, she is a senior at texas tech.

and she told me when i asked her what does she do to prep for spring break she says she applies her bronzer and then she does cocaine. that really goes to the heart of this. >> that's some story. she applies the bronzer before she does the line of coke. she wants to look good before she gets high. >> i never heard it before. >> that's crazy. and she admitted that. >> michael: oh stop, this isn't the first time fox has talked to someone who abuses bronzer and cocaine. [laughter] they've been covering the trumps for nine years! hey! yeah! take it! [laughter and applause] at least she's doing it in the right order. this one time, i snorted bronzer and applied cocaine, and it totally ruined my grandmother's funeral. but the point is: spring break can be risky. people are abusing drugs, they're getting into trouble, they're considering careers in law enforcement, it's frightening stuff. and that's why, for the sake of yourself and your future: drop

out of college. it's the only way to avoid spring break altogether. [laughter] >> desi: great advice, michael. stick around, because when we come back, renée elise goldsberry is here! goldsberry is here! [cheers and applause]

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>> i've been busy. >> with what? >> time on the clock, bert has one wing, house has no chimney, double green in the rainbow -- come on! i need you to be the dawn. >> i was just looking up at last nights bang on insta. >> did she steal your medication? >> she just had an early meeting and i was just seeing if that hoebag made it on time. >> the only -------------------------------- -------------------------------- --------------- toes you be focusing on our us! >> desi: please welcome renée elise goldsberry! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> michael: all right, you are

a tony award-winning broa broady star of the musical, lion king, the color purple. >> hamilton! >> michael: i suck at this job! >> i love that you missed it. >> desi: he missed it. "girls5eva" season 3 dropping now, today. >> it drops today on netflix. [cheers and applause] >> desi: this show is honestly one of my favorite comedy shows of all time. tell people if they didn't catch it when it first came out what is it about? >> wouldn't you like to know? "girls5eva" is about a one-hit wonder group from the 90s who discovers in present day that their one-hit has been sampled by a rap star, so they decide they are back.

in the first season they decide they're going to stay together, in the second season they make an album called returnity, and in the third season they go on tour. that is what is hot and new. >> desi: your character is so incredibly confident and really demands the attention of everyone in the room, almost to the point where she is almost deranged. you have a way of making her so relatable and endearing and you root for her, how do you do that? >> it's funny, i think our experience is about our perspective in a moment to. right now i am a woman of a certain age who would love to have a pop album, would love to try to make it but i'm always looking at myself like that's a ridiculous thing to ask at this stage, to be a bubblegum pop star at 50 years old, that seems ridiculous to ask and i love the fact i'm on the show where someone is trying, i love the fact that it's crazy that people give themselves a license to

dream, it's more than funny in this way. >> michael: one of my favorite parts of these characters is they make fun of themselves and they still dream. my question for you is, is that you in real life as well and how do we keep aspiring? >> that is the beauty, you surround yourself with people who don't laugh at you. >> desi: you talk about wanting to be a pop star and that seeming ridiculous but you have your own album coming out. >> i do, it's coming out in 2024. [cheers and applause] it's -- yeah i have been writing music for a long time. i have been a lyricist for a long time and i've had the great privilege of being able to sing a lot of other people's lyrics like lynn w to lin-manuel mirana and jonathan larson and i was in hamilton! did you know? i'm excited about the audience that we have on our own at this stage of our lives.

i have more followers than "girls5eva," so why not try? most importantly i do believe that it's never too late to try something new and there are women of every age that are killing it right now. we should be celebrating those women because they are inspiring us that it's never too late to have a country album, beyonce! it's never too late to reinvent yourself. [applause] >> desi: you are an inspiration, you're so funny, congratulations on season 3, congratulations on the new album, thank you for being here. >> michael: check out all three seasons of "girls5eva" on netflix. renée elise goldsberry! we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. thank you! [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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pi is the constant 3.14. >> there is pie everywhere. >> so many kinds of pies. >> so many kinds of pies. >> shaken up by ♪♪ randy: ♪ goin' down to tegridy farms, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ goin' down to tegridy farms, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ there's ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor" ♪ ♪ i'm headin' on down to tegridy farms ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind towelie: i got some weed, and... i don't know what's going on. randy: ♪ so come on down to tegridy farms ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪