she walks down the road with one shoe. and if you ask her if she lost a shoe, she says, "no, i found one." [crying] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america, it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, john leguizamo! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> john: whatsapp! welcome to the daily show!" i'm john leguizamo, and as a new yorker and a big fan of this show, hosting this week to help kick

to be hosting during hispanic heritage month! [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] that was not hispanic heritage month here for that is in september. that is a test, yell! oh, my gosh, i have a lot to teach you this week. we've got a great show for you all tonight so let's get into the headlines. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ okay. let's kick things off with donald trump. [boos] that's right. the man so bad at sex, he pays people not to talk about it. yep. we're still all waiting for the cops to arrest him for lying about his affair with a porn star, but until then, he's continuing his presidential campaign, and staying focused on the important issues: like lying about his affair with a porn star. >> former president trump used his first official campaign rally in waco, texas, to denounce the legal threats against him. >> people see it's bullshit.

and they go and they say, it's unfair. the district attorney of new york, under the auspices and direction of the department of injustice in washington, d.c., was investigating me for something that is not a crime, not a misdemeanor, not an affair. i never liked horse face. i never liked -- i never, it's just not, it's terrible thing. that wouldn't be the one! there is no one. we have a great first lady. [audience reacts] >> john: wow, wow, nice save, bro. you could actually see his brain try to turn the car around as his mouth was driving. "i didn't have an affair. and i've never had an affair. i've actually never had sex, did you know that? i'm a virgin, the best and biggest virgin ever."

by the way, i do the worst trump impersonation in the world. [cheers and applause] i suck at doing trump. but yeah, last night trump kicked off his 2024 campaign in waco, texas. i love that trump is running for office and from the law at the same time. how great is that? he's gonna be the first presidential candidate who is going to be giving speeches from his getaway car. "oh, yeah." my fellow americans, we've got to lower inflation, we've got to get a handle on china, and most importantly, we have to crack down on crime. you'll never take me alive, you pigs!" yeah, i think my trump impression is getting better. don't you? [cheers and applause] you are just being nice, i know, i love you. let's move on to international news.

two weeks ago, the french government raise for retirement age from 62 to 64, setting off a wave of sometimes violent protests. and while the protests definitely focused attention on the issue, at this point, they've been going on for so long that they're kind of becoming part of the... [in french accent] how you say, ze ambience. >> take a look at this viral video from france. diners in the city of bordeaux unfazed by demonstrators protesting against recent changes to the retirement age. even with a raging fire nearby, these people are still managing to enjoy their wine and conversation at an outdoor cafe. >> john: [laughs] [cheers and applause] these people are so chill! i wouldn't even sit next to the bathroom in a restaurant like that. and they are getting a table next to a riot. but hey, the french aren't going to let a little fire get in the way of having an affair with another man's wife. yeah, you are french and you are

offended? [speaking french] but i guess i'm not surprised. if you want to scare the french, you've got to do something really terrible, like put mine in a box. "what is this? i said horse, not whores. i'm not getting canceled because of y'all. the and acce acceptable seat ina french cafe is sitting next to american tourists. "i demand another table! they ordered a californian boujoulais! i'd rather sit in ze fire!" [normal voice] i hope that couple's not on their first date, because that's gonna be hard to top. imagine, in five years, she's gonna be like, [in french accent] "you never take me to violent protests anymore. [in normal voice] let's move on to another story.

when i first started talking with people about guest hosting "the daily show," i said, what i really want to do is spotlight some great latinos in american society. [cheers and applause] thank you. yeah. because i think it's so important to use my position to uplift la raza, you know? [cheers and applause] so let's spin the wheel and see who our first subject is gonna be! [audience reacts] [boos] no, no, it's all right. george santos, god help me. you know what, to be fair, we can't really take blame for this guy because we don't even know if he is really latino or not. okay? so what did he do now? >> congressman george santos

struck a deal with prosecutors in brazil to settle a charge that he defrauded a shop clerk out of $1300 worth of clothing and shoes. under the deal, santos will formally confess to the 2008 crime and pay damages to the victim. a lawyer for santos requested the deal in lieu of a trial, arguing that santos is gainfully employed and resocialized. those are his words. in 2010, the congressman told police that he wrote bad checks from a checkbook that he stole from an elderly man who his mother was caring for in order to purchase the items. [audience reacts] >> john: wow, wow, what a gigantic ass. which i know brazilians are usually into, but not like this! oh, that offends you? come on. in a way, you have to respect santos. a lot of republicans just want to end social security. but santos has the balls to take an old man's wallet directly from his pocket! he actually stole from an elderly man his mother was

caring for. and that is on top of stealing from a homeless veterans dying dog! is there no bottom? is there nothing for this guy? george santos sees a make a wish kid and he says "that's a jackpot." and finally, let's check in on florida. because you know they are at it again. oh, yeah. last week, a principal was forced to resign last week over after parents complained that a sixth grade teacher showed a pornographic photo of michelangelo's david. look, i know you are saying to yourselves, how is this controversial? it is michelangelo for crying out loud. but this is florida, and floridian parents are like... [in florida accent] "i don't care which ninja turtle carved it. [cheers and applause]

[in normal voice] you guys are sharp. do you know how backward you seem when people in the 1500s were more progressive than you? medieval medicine was drilling a hole in your skull and pumping it full of mercury, and florida's like, "these guys are just a little too sophisticated for us, you know?" and if the david is a problem, they're really gonna have a problem with the venus de milo. oh, yeah, oh, yeah. not because of the breasts, but because, if you know your art history, she originally had two dicks for arms. obviously, you people are art historians. if they're going to ban any biblical figure, it should really clearly be jesus. look at him in that [bleep]-boy pose hanging on the cross.

[cheers and applause] i'm sorry, guys, excuse me, one minute, please. oh, bless me, father, for i have sinned. i called jesus a [bleep] boy. i know i'm going to rot in hell, but the writers made me do it, i swear! all right, for more on this story, we go live to florence, italy, where ronny chieng is standing in front of the statue of david. [cheers and applause] >> john, john. yes. i'm here in front of david, who from the look of things, just got out of a cold shower. i mean, i knew people in the past were smaller, but goddamn damn. even if you adjust his penis for inflation, it's still

underwhelming. i mean, look at that, his balls are longer than his dick. i've never seen a guy that can titty[bleep] himself with his own nuts. >> john: ronny, ronny, ronny, come on, man. we are here to talk about education, not body shame a biblical figure. >> you're telling me this isn't small? come on, man. >> john: i mean, i don't know, i thought that was pretty big. all right, medium at least. >> yeah, yeah, john, this is medium, yeah. i mean, i'm pretty sure this is why they invented a telescope during the renaissance, so they could see this dude's dick. >> john: ronny, this is one of the most iconic works of all time, it is the michael jordan of nudes. everyone thinks it is great! >> of course because every guy who sees it is thinking, oh, thank god. [cheers and applause] i guess i am not doing too bad.

i mean, this statue is a huge confidence booster. >> john: you got to stop focusing on the dick! come on. do you think it's messed up that you can't even show a statue in florida schools now? >> no, it's why florida rocks. they refuse to be cultured in any way. books? banned. renaissance art? banned. reruns of "queer eye?" band. basically, if you can't shoot it or drive a monster truck over it, florida thinks it's gay! and therefore banned. >> john: don't you think this is bad for the kids? they've lost the opportunity to be inspired by art. >> are you kidding me? florida kids have the greatest opportunity right now. if your school board are so stupid that they think the statue of david as, you can convince him that anything is inappropriate. florida kids, tell your parents that algebra is too woke. "mom, this number identifies

also as a letter? should i identify as a letter?" it's the same with chemistry. just found out that that atoms are made out of oxygen banded together, so every time you breathe it is gay. chemistry, suite 25. >> john: hold on, that's going to backfire, ronny. they are going to graduate from school without knowing anything. >> they can always get a job at the florida school board. [cheers and applause] >> john: thank you, thank you. ronny chieng, everybody. [cheers and applause] all right, when we come back, i'll show you my worst audition tape. so don't go away, y'all. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> john: welcome back to "the daily show." yo, i'm so excited to host this week. [cheers and applause] thank you, thank you. and as i always say, it's such an honor to be a voice for latinos on tv and film. but, as i also always say, i wish the honor wasn't so rare. >> hollywood still struggling with representation on screen. according to a 2020 study by the usc annenberg inclusion initiative, latino performers appearing in only 5% of speaking roles in 2019's top 100 movies, despite being 18% of the total u.s. population. >> john: i mean, yeah, it's crazy. latinos are almost 20% of the country, but we're barely represented in

film and television. especially since every movie last year took place in the multiverse. kaman! you're telling there ain't one dimension that's in the heights? [cheers and applause] and then when there is a good latino role it's going to people like james franco. well, guess what, if white people can take our roles, i'ma take theirs! [cheers and applause] when they do the tv series based on gwenyth paltrow's ski accident trial, i'ma be gwyneth paltrow! "he heard me, he hurt me so hard, he knocked the egg right out of my vagina." try not to visualize that, please. the truth is, i myself have faced this type of discrimination. i can't tell you how many times in my career i've been told at

auditions that i sound too latino, or not latino enough, that latinos don't want to watch other latinos, all sorts of madness. sometimes i wish i could put all those casting directors and executives into one room and bring you guys in with me, just to hear the kind of shit i've been told. luckily, it turns out, "the daily show" has the technology to do just that. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> john: i promise you. and scene. [applause] >> that was quite spectacular, john. >> thank you so much. >> j>> john: appreciated. >> i'm impressed, you are very articulate, full sentences. >> i almost forgot you are not wide. >> me too. >> can you imagine if you were white? superstar alert. >> you would be like one of the big white guys like tom cruise,

tom hanks, tom hardy. >> spitball. have you thought about changing your name to tom? >> i like that. >> hey, tom tom, let me ask you something fearful can you do a little more latin? >> yes, yes, but also, less latin. >> yes, but more or less latin? >> exactly. >> just what you did in the george lopez show. >> i'm not in "the george lopez show." you might be thinking of george lopez. >> i do it less latin? >> john, latin people don't want to see latin people. they want to see white people. >> why people named tom. >> there is hot salsa and mild salsa, people want to catch up. >> anyone want to hit? >> hell yeah. >> that is pricey. what is in there? >> tomato. >> this time, can you do a

version that is a little more, you know, street? >> archive playing a doctor? >> a latin doctor but who is was not latin. >> but hold this pinata just in case. what the hell is wrong with you guys? >> hey, wait. that was local that was loco. [cheers and applause] stay tuned because when i come back, my homegirl, the outspoken ana navarro will be joining me on the show. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> john: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an emmy-nominated cohost of "the view." she is also a cnn political commentator and one of the most

badass latinos walking this planet! please welcome ana navarro! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ you look so beautiful! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] look at that! a latina guest and a latino host. [cheers and applause] to the people at home, you are not watching univision, it is okay, it is still "the daily show." >> part of me wants you not to emphasize it because i'm afraid immigration might show up at any moment. and then i remember, donald trump is no longer president. we ain't getting deported. [cheers and applause] >> john: i love that, going right out of the gate, i love that about you. >> listen, it's only taken ten hosts for them to have a latino host.

>> john: [laughs] who is counting? >> i am really happy that you grateful to you because you do that, you are so consistent. you have been consistent your entire life in elevating voices. [cheers and applause] >> john: thank you. thank you, thank you. >> it has taken ten, let's not [bleep] it up. >> john: better not [bleep] this up. there is no way we can. look at this great audience we have got here. [cheers and applause] yeah. [laughs] they love it when you toss it to them. [laughter] anyway. you know, republicans are so good at coming after latinos. they go to the whatsapp, they go to our spanish stations, they throw in the trigger words like "socialism" and "authoritarianism." why are the democrats falling behind? why are the democrats not coming after us? >> listen, i think, first of all, they take it for granted. i think a lot of people thought, you know, they are not going to vote for donald trump.

that's the alternative, of course they will vote for the democrats. and that's not the way to do it. also, you can't show up six weeks before an election. you have to show up -- and this is the same for african americans, for latinos, for any group. [cheers and applause] don't show up at the last minute and expect -- and they have to fight hard against this socialism, communism type of label. i remember joe biden getting asked that a town hall, you know, your opponent, donald trump says that you are a socialist. are you a socialist? and he laughed. >> john: yeah, yeah. >> and he says, do i look like a socialist? i get where he is coming from. if somebody said to me, "ana, are you a martian?" i would laugh too. but we need more than laughter. we need him to say, let me tell you what socialists do. they attack the free press. they attack political opponents. they attack private businesses.

guess who is doing that in america today? >> john: right, right, right. [cheers and applause] see, you know what's happening, you know what time it is. [laughs] also, how we get divided sometimes, latino people get divided. is it us doing it? is it them doing it to us? nicaraguans, cubans, puerto ricans, colombians, aren't we stronger together and better together? >> don't we know how to do math? listen, by themselves, cubans are 3.5%. mexican-americans are 11%. together, we are almost 20%. and guess what. if we build alliances with other groups like african americans, we are unstoppable! >> john: yes, black and brown together, man! [cheers and applause] black and brown together, we are so strong together. why aren't we getting together? the black caucus and latino caucus in d.c. >> we also need to get a caucus because we need to accessorize. [cheers and applause] >> john: oh, yeah. >> what we need to understand is

different communities is we can't fall victim, we can't fall prey to let's compete for the same small piece of pie. no, damn it, give me a bigger piece of pie so we all can eat! and we need to understand that we rise upwards together! >> john: absolutely! >> it is too easy to pit us against each other. >> john: preach, mama, preach! >> and we have to -- we have a problem -- >> john: what is the problem? >> the problem is that we get focused on, did they cross the border or did the border cross us? were they political refugees or were they economic refugees? were they rich before the revolution in cuba, venezuela, nicaragua or did they come here because they were poor? who cares! this much i know, john, that people who hate you, the people who hate me, don't care about that. they don't care how much of your dna came from spain or how much of it came from indigenous america, they came that you are a latina and they want to

otherize us. as soon as we realize that and the quicker we realize that, we have to band together and fight against discrimination, bigotry, together, the more powerful we will be and not fall prey to it. [cheers and applause] >> john: yes! that is why i love you. because you bring the truth! [cheers and applause] you bring it, yeah! [cheers and applause] thank you, ana navarro, thank you. amazing, amazing. [cheers and applause] be sure to check out "the view" weekdays on abc. [cheers and applause] okay. we are going to take a quick pee break but we'll be right back after this because i have been drinking too much damn coffee. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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[cheers and applause] >> john: well, that's our show for tonight but before we go: please consider supporting this

grassroots organization. if you can't support them in their work, please donate at the link below. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> florida state conference of naacp branches waves in opposition. anita is the opponent. waves in opposition. holden hiscock also an opponent. ♪ ♪ - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ - ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbor ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪