>> jon: that's our show everybody. remember remember tomorrow

night tomorrow night is the final episode. it's going to go long. so remember to set your thing and bring a snack cuz we're going to be here awhile. here it is your moment of zen. >> the final tweet hitchbot said my love for humans will never fade. a thumbs up for people from the hitchhiking robot. >> rage against captioning sponsored by comedy central >> larry: tonightly, we are previewing the first debate of the 2016 election. it's debate eve! and i can't wait to see what kind of crazy (bleep) santa trump leaves in my stocking. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: also, a uva study reveals that cool kids peak too soon. now the authors of the study are now working on their next project, it's titled what does a

booby feel like. >> and lenny kravitz exposes his junk to an audience of thousands. and also his penis fell out. this is the nightly show! let's do this! [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: thank you very much. thank you very much. thank you. welcome to the nightly show. let me tell you guys, there is nothing like getting a one person standing ovation. thank you sir. (bleep)ing awesome, man. one guy is going larry. i am larry wilmore. oh tonight comedians craig

robinson and jerrod carmichael will join us on the panel tonight. very exciting. very exciting. hilarious. but first i'd really like to take a moment to acknowledge the man who made this show happen jon stewart. >> tomorrow jon will host his final daily show and i want to absolute him for a truly remarkable run. i mean he doesn't have anything lined up at the moment but jon's brother-in-law manages a bennigan's back in jersey, i am just saying. he says they may have some openings at the end of august when kids go back to college so maybe that will turn into something. i don't know. but as a viewer, i am grateful for all the laughs and sanity he has provided over the years. and as a performer i am grateful that he had the confidence to entrust me with this show. and as a citizen, i am really grateful for all he's done helping get healthcare to our veterans and 9/11 first responders. [ cheers and applause ] thank

you, jon. we are going to miss you, but difficult. we really are going to miss you, and jon, if you ever want to come to a taping, you know and hang out, right? just visit the nightlyshow.com/tickets. and i guarantee they will hook you up, jon. they will hook you up! >> all right. oh. i am so excited you guys, time to get into tonight's election coverage. what is happening with the unblackening? i know, i am actually giddy today. as the special day. it is crazy what the (bleep) is donald trump going to do debate day eve. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: that's right. man, the first republican debate is tomorrow night. man, i am so excited, literally i cannot contain my excitement, i feel like the leather pants at

a lenny kravitz concerts. okay. i know. i know. a couple of things. number one, that actually did happen. we didn't make that up. number two, i cannot now unsee it. why did he have to show it again and again? why did he do that? by the way that happens wherever lenny kravitz goes. i don't know if you guys -- he was at an olive garden, all hell broke loose. don't touch it, it is not a bread stick kids. i am just here to report the information. all right. but anyhow speaking of dick's trying to get airtime, -- [ cheers and applause ]

>> larry: oh. thank you very much. who made the final count for the debate? the hottest ticket in the country is no longer available. yes, it's a soldout show in cleveland, this is the lineup, trump, bush, walker, huckabee, carson, cruz, rubio paul, christie and kasich. whew, i am out of breath. >> larry: oh, carol costello you are out of breath? well, you could have saved your breath and stopped after trump. because that's all that i care about. and while donald trump may have an upon monoxide my on america's interest and the riches of the actual monopoly man he does not have a monopoly on crazy, in fact his cray-cray seems to be affecting all the other candidates, have you noticed that? they seem to be upping his cray-cray just to get some attention. show what what i mean formerly thought to have been the craziest candidate ted cruz.

♪ >> mmmm, machine gun bacon. >> larry: oh, ted cruz. that seems so reasonable to me now. i mean the barrel does get kind of hot. right? i mean why wouldn't you put some bacon on it right? i wish you were the craziest one, but you are not. so stop it. because you know what trump said? he said he was going to get the black vote. oh, my god! oh, ah, ha, ha, ha. oh (bleep)! that is so (bleep)ing crazy. he jumped trust you! i am i mean the machine gun bacon did look crazy. >> besides that, besides that

okay, all right. it is the second most surprising. oh what other candidate is up in the cray-cray. >> you said i like to pump them in the face. at the fascial level who deserves a punch in the face. >> oh the national teachers union. >> i have used birth control and not just the rhythm method, okay? so, you know my church, my church has a teaching against birth control does that make me an awful catholic? >> larry: no. it does not make you an awful catholic. it makes you an awful toastmaster. those people are eating. and it is not just me who feels this way about chris christie his own supporters have hardened against him. >> that is what he said. thank you, jeb, thank you. >> so they turned against him

not for imagining him having sex but for actually seeing him display affection. >> i can't get the picture out of my mind after super storm sandy when obama landed in new jersey and he just cuddled up right, right up to him. >> i never forgive him for hugging shakedown. >> the shake down to get more money. >> you don't have to embrace him. shake his hand. >> that's right. these people don't forgive chris christie for hugging the president. during a national crisis. it's a hug, people. i mean are they worried that chris christie is going to catch black if he gets too close? right? it doesn't even make sense. guys guys, look, i have said it before, and i will say it again, black is 100 percent noncommunicable. you can't catch it from hugging or kissing or sitting on a toilet seat.

please read my pamphlet. myths about catching black, a prevention guide for teens and gop candidates. please. okay. so here's the problem. candidates not only can't out cray trump they can't even out cray the audience who's voting for trump. and no matter what you say to trump's audience they will not listen to you. >> he changed his views like he changes his underwear. six out of ten people, six out of ten independents already said they will not vote for donald trump. >> i don't care. it doesn't matter. >> he donated to hillary. >> i don't care, i don't care. >> he donated to schumer. >> i don't care. he donated to all of these democrats. >> for the love of god, will someone let hodor speak please? i am just saying. it is very unfair. i want to find out how he feels trump does on giant issues. you know, like waiting periods

for those spiky balls that you swing around on a chain. i just want to know. sorry hodor, you will have to wait. all right, trump supporter is finished being mad about what is she mad about again?. >> the other republicans better start making fun of him because they made fun of ronald reagan and i believe donald trump could possibly become the next president of the united states of america. >> you know what? this is the part that actually scares me. okay? it would be easy for me to stereotype trump's supporters as dumb stupid voters who aren't paying attention to issues and are just reacting emotionally. but it is possible they could just be like the joker and just want to watch the world burn. i don't know:i don't know. >> but that's why the republican debate is so important. if the joker wins tomorrow and becomes more popular and

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[ cheers and applause ] >> larry: welcome back. i am here with my panel. nightly show contributor, ricky velez. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: his new show the carmichael show premiers on nbc on august 26th, comedian and argument jerrod carmichael. and the star of the new show mr. robinson, which can be seen wednesdays on nbc comedian and argument very funny man, craig robinson. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: so there are some changes going on in high school advanced placement courses. the cultural conservatives pushed for ap u.s. history to be more patriotic and emphasize they want to focus on american

exceptionalism rather than america's faults. okay? and republican candidate in fact, ben carson had this to say about some of the changes. >> i mean i think most people when they finish that course they would be ready to go sign up for isis. >> okay. so is focusing on just the good parts of our history, is that good for kids? or is that like, you know liking kris brown but for getting about his past? i mean -- >> well, i mean, i don't know. we can't remember america the way we remember our grandfathers. this is how grandfathers want to be remembered because every grandfather is horrible. like every grandfather is father. >> every grandfather is horrible. >> even all of them -- they all like cheated on their grandma. it was cool. they all cheated on grandmother. even the grandmothers cheated. >> you want history to be like grandfather. >> they want history to be like grandfather. >> he was great.

>> yeah, oh america is -- >> larry: now you were a teacher. you really taught this in school. >> yes. >> larry: what -- >> you know. >> larry: do you think it is dangerous. >> i think it is dangerous, those who don't learn history are condemned to repeat it so, you know. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: so are you saying we are going to have slavery again. >> that might be the goal. >> larry: you think people are just uncomfortable learning of the dark pa parts of our history, ricky. >> i don't think people -- i think conservatives are. like why would you want to read a book about your great great grandparents being (bleep). that's what a textbook is. i mean, that greatest generation was also the racist generation. i am sorry, i am sorry, but it was. >> like your grandpa. just like your grandpa. >> i am sorry about my grandfather! i want to like my grandfather. >> he is a racist (bleep).

>> all of them. >> larry: okay. here are some of the things they are changing. some of it is just language too. so the new version the term white superiority is deleted and that line is changed to say that extended contact with native americans and africans produced evolving religious cultural and i will religious justification for their subjugation. .. thank you for the cruise line. and the cruise lines have brought the negroes over. >> for job security. >> i am sorry -- >> slavery job security. >> slavery, zero unemployment rate. >> i mean, we are making a joke but they really did this. >> but i mean, they are going to learn about it anyway with the internet and then --. >> somebody is going to start a website like (bleep) --

>> learning history -- >> well, you can try but it is already -- you can't unrecord. you know like there are so many things you can't redact. like everyone has access to that information and like you can fight it. i mean, that is why the presidents seem to get worse because we know more. like your grandpa. >> i i am so very sad about that. >> oh, my god. >> but it is like when you go to a funeral for (bleep) and the eulogy, and the eulogy is nice and the whole time you are thinking those mother (bleep)er owes me $20. you can't like it. >> larry: does american exceptionalism mean anything to you guys? should we be teaching, let me put it like this. should we be giving an opinion about our history an or just give our history. >> truthfully i think our dark parts of history contribute to

american exception exceptionalism, it is not just slavery, it is the fact that from that came michael jordan, you know what i mean? >> the best flavor. >> , we are talking american prize slavery. no. >> larry: i know what you are saying. >> it became successful later. like that is american exceptionalism. like through the adversity -- >> monster trucks. >> larry: even monster trucks -- >> i mean okay. there was a study, university of virginia did, this is like a ten year study of cool kids. okay? and i guess starting in middle school and high school it shows that cool kids peaked too soon, at all nerds are going to love this story, right? and they engage in risky behavior later that leads to their downfall and in other words -- nerds end up on top.

[ cheers and applause ] >> let's just show some of our pictures when we were like high school age, middle school age. who do we have? let's just -- oh that is me, oh, great. [ cheers and applause ] >> there is craig. [ cheers and applause ] >> what about jerrod. >> that's me from like 2009. >> larry: now ricky. was ricky in there? let's see. [ cheers and applause ] >> that is graduation. i was killing the game. >> wow. >> okay. and now a stripper. >> who was the coolest? ricky. >> ricky. >> who was the nerdest. >> we will be right back!

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out there. we will start with you. okay. you have access to an actual real life hot tub time machine. okay? you can go back in time and prevent slavery. you can actually do this. but here is the glitch. there is a 90 percent chance you can go back to 1518 which allows you to prevent slavery and a ten percent chance that the machine takes you back to 1815 and you will be captured as a slave. okay? whoa. do you go back. >> yes. ten percent chance you might be captured. [ cheers and applause ] >> you know we may just be reading in our history books, 1815 and what is this time machine. >> you also have a time machine

and fix all the issues that give you anxiety today. ricky suffers from anxiety he talked about it very honestly, now, unfortunately anxiety, we found out that anxiety makes you funny so if you get rid of it you will no longer be a comedian or you can go back and give yourself way more anxiety and be the best comedian of all-time. >> it has to be one of the two. but you have to stay in your house and -- get rid of it? no! >> and people will let me smoke all the pot whenever i want. i am keeping it. no. you are not just keeping it. you are maxing it out. >> that's right. more of a reason to smoke. i am in. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: okay. the very first one you are on stage doing stand-up, for some reason you just lost it, man, you can't get laughs anymore. you don't know what it is. >> i have been there. >> larry: no. but this is the real deal.

>> >> larry: this is the real deal. and all of a sudden you pull a lenny kravitz and your junk falls out on stage. the audience loves it. okay? magic happens. and everything is great but when you put your junk away. no laughs. junk away no laughs. do you continue your career knowing you are now being the junk comedian. >> like larry the cable guy. >> larry: or just quit comedy. >> any time you do comedy, the junk is going to be out. i mean i guess the biggest question is will it fit on a t-shirt, because i am selling merchandise after each show. i am the junk guy. >> larry: with your junk out. >> i don't know. >> larry: you are not going to do submit you are not going to have your junk out? look at his face. we will be right back! go to the nightlyshow woman: this is not

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medy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> larry: that's our show. i want to thank our panellies, ricky velez, jerrod carmichael and craig robinson, and also have a great last show tomorrow, jon. i love you, man. good night, >> chris: it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on twitter today! republicans are gj ing up for their first debate on thursday and obama is pitching his iran deal. but the thing on everyone's lips is lenny kravitz's genitals. we only spent 10 minutes of a 21-minute show lft night and there is still a lot to