good evening, good evening, friends, my name is dmitry khrustalev, this is the major league of the club of cheerful , resourceful people, and you know, our club, kvn, is not just a game, it is a unique school that prepares for the entertainment industry. of our country, not only comedians, but also actors, directors, producers, and, to be honest, presenters too, many programs are similar to kvn, but only being here in this hall, you understand that a copy will never surpass the original, and you know, the 1/8 finals is the stage from which the creative way many people in big show business. and i

hope that the creative path of those who will appear on this stage today will be long and bright. this is the second 1/8 of the major league of the 2024 season , we are starting kvn. today. five more teams that you see on this stage will compete for the right to advance to the 1/4 finals, but not everyone will succeed, only four teams will make it through, we will have to part with one based on the results of today’s game, they will go home to work on their mistakes and prepare for the next season, let's start getting to know them, let's start with the newcomers: a major league debutant from a university that has glorious kven traditions, the ruden, russian team.

an attempt to conquer the major league by the kvn team kolosok, the city of mikhailovsk, stavropol territory, semi-finalists of last season, winners of the moscow mayor's cup 2023, kvn team yuri ken, north ossetian state university vladikavkaz, and one more. a team with exactly the same

regalia, semi-finalists of last season, winners of the moscow mayor's cup a year earlier, the kvn team blizki, the team of the belgorod region. well, as they say, who are the judges? a judges, these are the people who have to evaluate such a subjective thing as humor. let's start with them too. to introduce, i can’t say that the most popular, but one of the most popular, famous and talented graduates of our club, mikhail golostyan. for the first time on the jury of the kvn major league, which the teams and i are immensely happy about: a girl, because of whom the average age of our judicial colleagues has dropped by almost two.

last time i introduced him as the most experienced kvn player present in this room, today i want to introduce him as the most experienced presenter of the first channel in this room, valdispelsh, the chief producer of the directorate of music and entertainment programs of the first channel, yuri viktorovich aksyuta. well? as in the first game, today

we are expected to have three competitions, two of which the teams prepared, one improvisational, well, the rules are known to everyone, it seems that everything was said, the teams and the judge presented. greetings in which the teams can be friends, the first competition is traditionally to show anything, the main thing is that it is funny and resourceful, we will start with representatives of the belgorod region, the kvn team, relatives, let's go!

in dancing, hello, so, well, moscow, close to the stage, we represent the russian province, well, not just the wilderness, you know, where the husband killed his wife, shovels, because the borscht was too salty, well, not moscow, of course, dogs in winter without jackets they're walking around, holy one, why a fine? let's tell everyone, oh, meet romka, the molecule man, what did you want to tell us? well, actually, svetlana and i are now a couple, a couple, you look like one and a half, listen, you, i am for my woman, that you will stand up, and you won’t be visible, so okay, this is too

small, we need something global, international, there is such a thing, a russian-pendos song, standing naked... aiden in a field by a stream, a difficult task, remembering who i am, maybe i roe deer or kombucha, oops, wrong guy, got a chip implanted in his brain, beautiful!

don't relax, guys, this is the second season of the major league, no one should stop us this year, if you want to go, go, if you want to forget, forget, just know that at the end of the road, nothing can be returned, philip, you why did you come out? friends, forgive me! you do not look, he looks so bad, he ’s just having a hard year, there’s 500 times less money, and 500 times more events, yes, last year he made a mess of himself, this year he’s getting out of it, oh well, it’s up to you, he i just

wanted to look beautiful, vitya, to look beautiful, you don’t have to wear a suit , a seventeen-year-old figure skater. okay, philip, excuse me or sit at the wrong door, but, well, let’s continue to get acquainted, this is tyoma, a vindictive person, well, just so you understand, he calls back with a telephone scammer. at night when they are in prison lights out, when they announce the coolest guy, gene, march 17, stand in place, that such

a team has gathered, well, we won’t survive in samarkand, of course, but we can also do something, come here, what? maybe for a minute , when you tell a joke, you emphasize the key words, i understand, so that it is fast, bright, like a fight with a woman. man, did you really follow us out of the train? well, firstly, he didn’t come out, he jumped out, and secondly, i have a complaint against russian railways, that’s why there will be people on the shelves, there are no people in the toilets, man, what do you care? necessary? i explained to you on the train, i want to help you win the major league, i am the most experienced quen player in belgorod, i have been playing quen since 1982, i still remember maslyakov with hair like that? why are you lying, why am i lying, kven was closed, why should he get a haircut, yes, if it was closed, how did you

play it then, secretly at night in a recreation center, by the way, we only had three circles in a recreation center, kvn, sex and tongue twisters , well, i first signed up for sex, but then i maneuvered and maneuvered something and didn’t catch it, so it doesn’t bother you that kvn - this is a youth game, on the contrary, it’s getting weaker, so you understand, my mood is wrong, something won’t work out here, i hear you, man, get out of here, oh, who is this

doll with testicles, it’s gaslighting, it’s free from desire, i got it, i didn’t get it, it was nearby, at least it was there, well, you see, i ’m telling you, you’re old, i’m an experienced adult, you just need someone like that, i don’t understand. no shit, i’m in the boy’s word, did i, aigul, step out of my window, who cares, who cares, why didn’t you say that gutsman junior is for you, the younger one is speaking, that’s it, a man.

and secondly, i left because the rule

says, if something doesn’t work out once, rest, wash yourself, try again, what kind of rule is that, yes, there was a reminder in the mug , well, the kvn team is close, we washed ourselves and are ready to try again. anatoly konstantinovich, give maria to me as a wife, you can give it to me, it’s a good idea to collect it as a dowry with your dad, we have embroidered shirts here, it’s so beautiful, in the vologda province an amazing ritual of dressing up has been preserved, the bride was placed on a table decorated with a rich tablecloth and her friend.

mancacher whiskey is a product of the stellar group. gin cnop. stellar group, monte shococa cognac, stellar group product, rum, castro, stellar group product, veda vodka, stellar group product, old barrel cognac, stellar group product, stirsman bourbon, stellar

group product, graffiti in san paolo. here, is it true that you can choose any place in the city and draw whatever you want? if you start drawing at some police station, then of course you will be punished, they won’t put you in jail, but they will give you quite a fine. what kind of men are here in brazil, very attentive and caring, it’s clear that sometimes someone’s husband can go to the left, our blood is hot, but we have our own woman, she’s always alone, i see that you mostly have women working here, we just want a women’s coffee shop .

the main thing is that they stole a taxi again, that means, where are you anyway, an undercover taxi, the premiere starts on monday on the first, well, a good start, ruddn team, moscow. hello everyone, russian youth are on the stage, and we came here to remind you that kvn is

a student game, otherwise the previous team somehow it doesn't work. rudn and i, denis, actually correctly from rudn, rudn and i now better describe the friendship of peoples. guys, today kamilla valieva is sitting on the jury, and she is only 17 years old. let's give us a high five, and we'll buy you a beer after the game. anton, let her not drink, but the funeral of the international olympic committee. i would definitely drink it, guys, we represent the peoples' friendship university of russia, where there are blacks, chinese, chuchmikas, after all.

these belarusians, our leadership doesn’t understand where to laugh, we only have russians on our team, while you russians are playing here in kvn, africans are studying public administration for you, one day we will wake up, and our president is wearing flip-flops. guys, she has such a voice, as if you need to get a full subscription, and you look like a woman who served time, and in general i thought we wanted to win, but i’ll guess, in your opinion, in order to win, the team

from the rdn must sing, dance, talk in several languages, maintain a conversation about politics, yes, we should be... not a team, but an elite prostitute. dinar, what the stereotypes? our main rival is ourselves, like kharitonov at the debate. today we also have khrustalev alone behind the cabinet. well, let's go! it's the twenty-fourth century in the world. kvn is coming. a married couple decided to diversify their relationship by trying role-playing games, listen, damn, i

won’t lie under the garbage, wait, let me at least change clothes after work, at the non-ferrous metals collection point. or don't give up? we noticed that the girls who interview popma fighters consider themselves immortal. mr. monkey, you had your muzzles dragged across the floor for six rounds, what is it like to be a disgrace to your people?

this interview is over, guys, you forgot that the teams from the rdn used to be cool, now they came out, tumba-yumba, kulum-bulum water you will be. and the audience is in ecstasy, and the adult spectator will definitely not be happy with such a team, and adults are always dissatisfied with the younger generation, people who say,

internet, flash drive, sex, are dissatisfied with our education, yes, in their opinion we cannot be trusted with anything, and this we are told by people who ruined their country, twice in the last century, we want to be like that command from rudny, which the viewer will want to watch, but is not used to seeing. eh, this is a thought, but how cool is it, the black man said. and for you the rudn team performed, and specifically danya, denis, umalats, sanya, dinara, katya, anton, and the sounds of aida sitting, she’s cool. friends, we continue further in the competition of greetings on this stage, my fellow countrymen, but this naturally does not mean anything, the kvn team negodin leti,

st. petersburg. hey, dodiki, listen, who did you tell? this is him for us. oh, okay, sorry. negodin, hello. stage males like at least according to biology, unfit for use in the theater of the russian army, in my opinion it’s already a waste of time, this is our first game, what are you, warcraft is our first game, and yes, what is this 375, higher?

was different from life, well, work turned

a monkey into a man, let's see what... and there is nothing further from programming than russian tv series about programming, hack america, done, hack the european union, done, hack nat, already, and now hack the post office bank, it doesn’t work that their website doesn’t work on weekends. damn geniuses

the guy decided to propose to the girl, but the ring turned out to be not made of gold, sasha, we’ve been together for 5 years, darling, look, what’s that where it is now, wow, fucking sunlight. yes , where i don’t see anything, well, take a closer look, there ’s something similar to a foam volcano, which is my, of course i expected the reaction to the ring to be strong, but not as strong, but i think i can guess what you’re doing there, oh, you don’t know what this is, what will happen to your

stomach if you drink cola? "we break up, popular books sooner or later are being filmed, it seems to us that the time has come to film the most popular book, a collection of problems in mathematics, a pedestrian went from point a to point b. i’m moving at a speed of 5 km/h, how slow i am, in half an hour he will go in pursuit of this poor fellow, he will definitely catch up with him, one question, when it was an ordinary sunday morning, petya woke up in a great mood.

i have as many as five apples. i’m so happy, but then misha came, i’m taking two apples from you, how many apples does petia have left and self-respect, you’re here because you’re the best in their business, two earth... cops: i can dig one and a half holes in an hour, and i can do twice as much, how long will it take them to dig three holes, and most importantly, for whom? commander, who are the pits for? yes, some schoolchildren ordered mikhailov, semyonov and khelshtein. a collection

of problems in mathematics, edited by mikhailov semenov and helshtein, soon on screens age limit 18 + 8 = 26. there are several theories of the origin of life on the planet kvn. alexander vasilyevich moslyakov created everything classic. but we supporters of materialism believe that first bacteria played in kvn. then fish joined, then invertebrates, all of this somehow crawled out, emerged into the scene, evolved, unreal. what am i talking about? we have been playing kvn for about 3 billion years, just for the sake of...

getting into 1/4 of the major league stage, the invertebrate team. the speech was translated and voiced by the team, thank you. we thank the moscow government for its assistance in organizing the kvn games. next on this stage in the greeting competition will be the kvn team kolosok mikhailovsk, stavropol territory. there is a wheel above your head. stage a spikelet or that's it, what did russia get from the grain deal, hello, we came from mikhailovsk, you probably think that this is some kind of

province, that we have cows and geese walking along the streets, firstly, they don’t walk, but walk, but in -secondly, mikhailovsk is a progressive city, we even recently opened a sex shop, yes, everything of our own. meet andrei, he is a self-nominated person, yes, i was born without the help of an obstetrician, andrei, it’s okay, today is an important day for us, aren’t you worried at all, the last time i was worried was during the operation, so what? they did it to you, they removed your nervous system, but are you kind now or? romantic, well, while you're in the mood, let's show something. andrey took off his coat, how did you even climb the tree?

the taxi driver figured out how to take five people at once, when you drive, you will dial. vladimir putin is receiving calls from scammers. i'm listening, hello. friends, we recently learned that the russian national football team will play as many as five friendly matches this year, but where can we find so many comrades? guys, i’ve been wanting to ask for a long time, is there anyone among you? who was born in march, well me in june, well, in the absence of fish, iraq fish, explain why we need a fisherman’s daughter on the team, but without me you don’t even look like a team, who

do we look like, well, like toes. no, it's even worse. joke. one day lenin and kolchak meet in the red and white store. and who won? mendeleev. guys, joke 2024, can you at least make a joke about tiktok? yes, i saw your tiktok, there are only gays there, so a feed based on interests is being formed there, maybe stop

joking about me like that, maybe stop acting like a woman, i mean, come to me, no, there you go with me. great, oh, andrey, this is your stuttering father, he has absolutely nothing to do, in fact, i have a very hard and responsible job, i’m a pilot in an airline. well, well, well, well, victory, and what is the most

difficult thing in your work, dear passengers, we are glad to welcome you on board the plane. airlines. victoria, dad, your retort, your concession is ruining everything for us, if you say that again, you’ll get it in the neck, i won’t repeat it twice, but you won’t be able to do it once, that’s it, get out of here. friends, many, many years ago we

we all met at the kolosok children’s camp, and they named their team after him, but in fact, this was not the only thing that united us all, it just seemed strange to us, performing on channel one in the main comedy show. called whooping cough, spikelet, thank you, this program was seen in the video, my name is nikolai drozdov, it was the first time i saw such contact between a person and a whale, it’s scary with whales, not very good, he was blowing bubbles, he was blowing bubbles. i don’t know about you, but i just

love cleaning, we bought it for his birthday it took a long time to choose the ball and he destroyed it in 5 minutes, we didn’t even have time to go outside, it’s always a new year, always a housewarming, if the owner is with him, you saw the video, watch with us, the premiere, tomorrow on the first, alena, let’s do something we pay more attention to our work, that’s all for today, right? as the chairman of the jury, i feel out of place, perhaps all the most famous actors and directors in the world were sitting at this table, i would like to have lunch, please, but this is pasadena, we don’t have restaurants. how did you feel in a film where all the actors played themselves and only you had a role, but is golbert a policeman? how do the local public perceive our films? they are expecting some other turn of the russian.

we are again together with those who love good music with all their souls, lilac fog, volodya, well, you hooked me so much that i swam, just don’t give in, friend, singing swing in russian is still a task, you know, this is not always the gears match, you were still a boss, there is not a word,

three chords, a new season from april 14 on the first. well, now it's final his performance in the first competition, in the greeting competition, will be shown to us by his kvn team, yuriken vladikavkaz. who said and? good evening, alone. eighth, five teams, of which only four qualify, the stakes

are higher than ever, today there will be a battle, cutting, battle, alabaster, there is one extra word here, like a team, therefore, in order to get into this magnificent, inimitable four, we have prepared something special, our usual performance. it’s not enough, we need a conflict, no, we don’t need a conflict, just like we don’t need a conflict, we don’t need it, oh, that’s enough, guys, that's enough, wait, we're not that kind of team,

take your place, but what kind? maybe we are a music team? exactly, yes, we are musicians, yes, for this you need to sing well, but maybe don’t rush it, do it all over again, you can’t sing so well. heavy note, i like ones that have something to take on, songs need to be remade, well, look, i remade the song into a coffee grinder, stop grinding nonsense, music is not only a song, finish it off, a ray of golden sun,

how do you like it? the book is better than what, than you, are you kidding me, you ask, maybe we are a questioning team, and it’s like oh, in i mean, okay, but what should we do, you grab the pour, let’s start? damn, i ruined everything, i went outside, on the street, go away, go away, so, boy, stop, where are you going, to training, so you’re an athlete, i’m cracking boxers, carotists, like seeds, well, come here, ah, ah, how

painful it is, put it away, put it away. and the beard is cool, yes, thank you, maybe we can have some coffee, yes, please, whenever you want, again, some people don’t know how to listen at all, but how are you, not very good,

god forbid, god forbid. my wife and i are getting a divorce, she took the children, kiss the children from me definitely, you're kidding me, i thought you were talking, it will become easier, don't say it, no one needs me, keep it up, hello, hello, i say, but it can't be, but i just said hello, it's not human, but how, i say, help me a couple, i’ll live, maybe i’m divorcing my wife, but it can’t be, she took the children, this is not human, even a tiger, when it moves to a new stage of a relationship, turns into a badger, yes, yes , there is such a thing, okay, thanks for keeping me company, it’s time for me to get a manicure,

what time will you be free? well, well, i'll pick you up you, why? let's sit. for what? well, we, well, eh? i don't understand. we do not understand each other? what will happen when there are children? what children? there are small ones at the bottom. girl, my eyes, boy, your eyes, dog, your eye, my eye. this is nonsense, this is a husky, what are you doing, a rabbit? what, well, you’re my little hare, why? what, what is it that we walk,

no, or sit and laugh, no, what yes, then, you want to be my boyfriend, what? ok, let's try it. too accessible friends, and now no jokes, there is great news, russian scientists are close we're getting closer to developing a cancer vaccine, great. we will soon live 200 years, why? do you want to be an old man for 150 years? just imagine,

for 150 years your back hurts and you smell of medicine, 150 years in the same shoes, after 50 no one buys new ones. what i mean is, let's take care of the elderly, they are a choosing species. by the way, who will you poke for? you missed something, you'll miss it, here at every step they show you who you're going to stick your vote for, but to vote, well, you have to stick it in, why leave it in the shower? by the way, maybe we can go to the peaks? a when is our peak? peak?

you are preparing to show them the scores close greeting 4 5 4 4 5 average score 4.4 further

kvn team ruden moscow 4 5 5 4 5 average score - 4.6 points, and please grade the kvn team bad. fly to st. petersburg. 4 4 4 5 5. average score - 4.4. kolosok mikhailovsk. 3, 4, 4, 4, 4. average score - 3.8 points. well, finally, the final performance was shown to us as a greeting by the kvn team yuri ken, grades for them. 5, 5, 5, 5. five points exactly for the teams that did not get points in the greeting, they need to catch up, they have now

there will be a great opportunity to do this in the second competition, which is called blitz warm-up, this is a new format of the major league, let me tell you the rules, it will take place in two stages, the first stage is a question and answer, in which teams will need to quickly and...

what don’t you want to hear from a shawarma seller? here you go, i barely caught up. loved ones, as i understand it, what you don’t want to hear from the shawarma seller is 150 rubles from you. yurijken, what don’t you want to hear from a shawarma seller? do you like it with cheese sticks or with intestinal sticks? fine, next question: after what words does a fight start at a wedding? so worthless, after what words does a fight start at a wedding? no idea. close, after what words does a fight start at a wedding? wow, the bride is scary! kolosok, after what words does a fight at a wedding begin? didn't wait for me! team ruden, after what words does a fight start at a wedding? vadik, it’s with a trailer! so, the next

question is: what should you not shout under the windows of the roddo? what should you not shout under the windows of the maternity hospital? galya, we have a cancellation. worthless, lathi, why shouldn’t you shout under the windows of your home? i catch. arsen, yuriken, why shouldn’t you shout under the windows of your mouth at home? can i see everyone? bliski, why shouldn't you scream under the windows of your mouth at home? hector! not everyone understood, but it’s very funny, believe me, team ruden, that you shouldn’t shout under the windows of the maternity hospital, something in german, so yuri ken, arsen, what you shouldn’t shout under the windows of the maternity hospital, milk, milk, this is also for me it seems funny, but i'm not pressuring,

judge, i'm not pressuring, the next question, the most... you're standing in the production, no, there's no one, then again four, just honestly, i don’t remember these feelings, the most pretentious phrase at the bus stop, now i’ll light a cigarette, the bus will arrive, but i don’t smoke, that’s it, the last question of this warm-up stage, what not to say when getting

a visa to america, relatives, what not to say ? thank you, i serve russia, that’s it, that’s it, friends, at this point the first stage of the blitz warm-up is completed, we are moving on to the second stage, which is called push notification, now on this screen, and i will duplicate it verbally, unfinished sms messages from

which -a specific person or organization, teams need to complete it funny. i liked the idea, but we will remove it, we read yours , we didn’t like that alexander is not there , we didn’t like petrova, we read your idea, we didn’t like petrova, those close to us from the cinema fund read your idea, we didn’t like reading it. okay, the next sms: the bank writes: you were approved for a loan for a million, but there is one condition, it’s unsuitable, you were approved for a loan for a million , but there is one condition, then you’ll have to pay it back, spikelet, you were approved for a loan for a million, but there is one condition, i in prison, so you

were approved for a loan worth a million, but there is one thing condition: there are zero, only four, close ones, you were approved for a loan for a million, but there is one condition, we are a kiwibank, well, at least. 3 3 4 this is 3.6 points and the total score for two competitions is 7.4 points for the kvn team kolosok,

please, show the grades to the kvn team bad 5 4 3 3 4 this is 3.8 points and the total score for two competitions is 3.8 points, for two competitions this team also has 8.2 points, then the team of ruden moscow 4 5 4 4 5, this is 4.4 points and the total score. for two competitions, exactly nine points, and finally, marks for the blitz warm-up, the team kvn yuriiken, please, 4, 5, 3, 3, 4,

3.8 points for this competition for two competitions 8.8 points, there is still a decisive competition ahead, musical homework, teams, please, go, get ready for this competition. and a little more important information, the kvn team team ruden thanks the leadership of the russian peoples' friendship university named after patrice lumunba, represented by the rector oleg aleksandrovich yastrebov, the president of ruden filippov vladimir mikhailovich and the head of the kvn in rudny, zelentsov,

in fact it was the fourth reich continues remain so. gorbachev, let’s be honest, was simply scammed when carriers of nuclear weapons were destroyed, our nuclear submarine cruisers were cut up under the supervision of american specialists, something that still defies any logical explanation. it is extremely important for them that everyone signs in blood that they are all participating in the fight against russia. what they have done to ukraine over the past few years. this is a monstrous situation, the only question is how they now evaluate this test of strength, they say it is necessary hide for a few years and better prepare, or continue aggression against russia right now and expand the conflict

to the baltic states, for example, well, what do you think they will choose? premiere, big story, tomorrow after the evening news, the snow is still white, and the waters are already noisy in spring, running, waking up the sleepy shore, running , shining and shouting, they are shouting to all ends, spring is coming, spring is coming, we are a young spring messengers, she sent us ahead, what, where, when, spring series of games, tomorrow, after... program time. kiev propagandists distorted bulgakov's biography so much that they instantly turned him into an enemy of ukraine.

since kiev, the mother of russian cities, these crazy people, they will abandon kiev. the sharikovs gave birth to offspring, now they are taking revenge on bulgakov. now he has been declared a ukrainophobe and rightly so, of course, because they have finally started reading books. and also exclusive in our studio. which captured the german marder, outdated equipment, is sent here as a write-off, they are given to the ukranazis and the tale of how the ukrainian civilization appeared in the second millennium bc. antifake premieres on monday on the first. well, friends, the final competition is musical homework, we will see several stories, of course, it is desirable that they have musical elements, with musical accompaniment. the first to appear on this stage in this competition is the kvn team, the ruden team, moscow. we all

know that security guards have a boring job and they dream of something more, that again you cut baydon’s nails on his face, but what can we do? crossfort, i can’t decide, god, what a boring job i have, dima, why is there a shortage of 1,300 in the cash register, that’s how many days we were looking for you, sorokin on... sent by an international, interplanetary, intergalactic organization, we are expanding every second , like wilberes, no, well, not so much, you know how to keep secrets, yes, i have a mistress, great, that means, listen here, we are threatened by the eastern dictator, sheikh ayuzh al-khalil, he wants to take away from the world everything that was given arabs to him, so be it. no, not

this, he has already collected hookahs, coffee, you should save the world, why me, because you are the only one who reads from right to left, so that’s why i can’t solve a single crossword puzzle, we don’t have time for this, let’s go to the training base. at the training base, what kind of fighters are these, where are the blacks, the chinese, the chuchmeks, in the end, these are the snipers, remember the young guys, i have only one rule, you can’t swear even in your thoughts, otherwise you’ll do push-ups, what’s your name? anton.

you want to say, you’re the only one who didn’t think, it’s not mine, but why did they choose me, you have so many agents, they’re not all traveling, but now let’s start training, disarm me, you’re sexy, it worked out, that’s it, i won’t listen to the woman, great, now you’re definitely ready for the trip to arabskaya. country in the palace of sheikh ayuzh al-khalil so, wait, how boring, we are celebrating an execution, execute them, god, what delicious oil we have, okay, servants,

we invented carpets, and they hang them on the walls, what? we came up with a unibrow, and they go with two, we came up with the beautiful word polygamy, and they call it living in two families. okay, my pretty ones, go, get ready, i’ll execute you in the evening, so what? the time has come to fulfill my most important plan, give up, ayuzh, shaitan, how did you land?

and you on this side, shaitan, how can you land, i’ll take all the parachutes, this is also an arab invention, and it was not in vain that i took a package from the five, but it won’t support a person, and i took it, which cost 9 rubles. you're late, my main plan is already ready, i just have to take the 10 main achievements of all mankind, numbers, no numbers? the world will plunge into chaos, alcohol in stores will be sold to everyone at any time, sexual positions will be called neither you nor me, will turn it over...

and it’s written in words, and in russia even digitalization is only in words, but then how can you tell what year it is? our president has already taken care of this, we have a year of family, and in general, we can easily cope without numbers, on the roads at beauty contests. in elevators, we ourselves already refuse numbers, you, of course, are very smart, dmitry sorokin, but you did not take into account the most important thing, you may lose marks for your final competition, here you

are wrong again. my plan, my plan failed, but how can this be, understand, mr. creda, you can’t take culture, it needs to be shared, so we gave the world a ballet, pushkino, spaceships, a film , features of the national hunt, damn, how coolly i scattered it on an increasing scale. in general, only by getting to know someone else’s culture can you truly appreciate your own. eh, what a wise idea, dmitry sorokin, ask me for whatever you want. and the next day, dmitry sorokin had his wen removed, and he triumphantly returned to

the top five. we continue our musical homework on the turn of the performance of the kvn team kolosok, the city of mikhailovsk, stavaropolsky region, we meet, in the 13th century bc, helen the beautiful fled from the greeks to the trojans, but judging by her surviving images, she. it was not beautiful, but rather cool. so, ancient greece in the palace of minilaia. it's boring, feed it

to the crocodile, call my wife, elena, she's cool. so she ran away, just like she ran away, we need to get her back. where is our best fighter? achilles! achilles, you have to save helen, why the hell is this a hairdresser? no, elena is cool, by the way, who is this? this is my bodyguard, and what he guards is my heel. take your heel and go to... okay, but i need food for the road horse, pony. ok go. lego! and achilles set off, damn it, what the hell with the huge walls of troy. euphrates to dig.

stop, hilles. are you scared? yes, if i was scared, i would be. i've already been to dubai, i wonder what it's like inside? it’s cool there, of course, elena is there, it’s a pity we can’t get there so easily, oh, let’s go after him, come on, while the door is open, what are you waiting for, come on, what are you saying, we can’t hear anything, now what are we going to do? ? i have a better idea, let's just jump in we will penetrate a large wooden figure of a horse into it three times, but first you need to be blindfolded, why? because if you find out where the entrance is, you won’t climb, maybe

we’ll at least bang for courage, come on, i just took the wine with you, so that it will ferment, it will take 3 days, who told you that i ’m going to swallow now, in this is the funniest time of the three, dj. selena is cool, director, where is who, are you drunk, now yes, who are you, warrior, i am acheles, born of thetis, a fish woman, she is the daughter of a centaur. and in greece everything is just right marriages have been legalized, but as you say,

we are greeks, yes, we are protected by zeus, titan and jupiter, and these are the best chops. trojans, give us the cool helen, or will it not be funny for you? stop, fighting with swords is not cool, let's better solve everything on the dance floor. you have no chance, tiktonik, yes, this is an ancient dance even for us, then we fight, no, let’s better resolve the conflict in a way that is not fashionable in the world now, with words, hey, greeks. you won’t win, the trojans are having fun, you ’re sitting sad, every word, i’m glad about that,

we’ll make a greek salad out of you, and now our best speaker, well, everything ’s in in in... yes, you’re tired of stuttering, and i’m tired of stuttering, but understand, stutterers stutter when they just speak, the fact is that the speech central apparatus, which connects the broca center and the brain, the cord is disturbed, this is lagneurosis, look, a short circuit occurs in the brain, then spasgartania, stammering occurs, but when the beat is turned on, breathing is regulated, speech about... acquires a rhythm , get into it, i don’t need speech therapists , only rap, of all the doctors, only dr. dre helped me,

wow, why didn’t you say before that you rap coolly, yes i kicked, well, i tried to tell you, you’ve just never been me elena, listen. minelaus is not fun for us without you, choose who you will be with, the trojans, don’t rush, the elections are going on for 3 days, but minelaus doesn’t care at all, he didn’t even come, i arrived, minelaus came, he arrived, handsome, and i am until the last i believed that you would come, of course, i couldn’t miss the rap battle. let's go home, but i won't go with you, you think

i'm cool, but i want to be beautiful, elena, don’t you understand, not every beautiful girl is cool, but every cool girl is beautiful, okay, you make it beautiful, just... what kind of chicks came with you? plan b. we'll talk at home. no one is wearing it, they lost it, she took it.

the province has preserved an amazing ritual of dressing up, the bride was placed on a table decorated with a rich tablecloth and her friends helped her put on her wedding dress, someone came to us, well, whoever is young, bring out our beauty, well, why should they have a wedding, they fought, they tried each other out , chasing, chasing, playing wedding, tomorrow on the first day, this is the center of the greek diaspora, one of the largest in the south of russia, and probably in all of russia in principle, where did the greek diaspora come from? the first greeks appeared here back in the 700s, trade routes passed here, i think when we cook, we will make a fusion of cultures,

i will have caucasian-greek pita, i will have leningrad crumpets with such a greek sauce... like circus dolls, even i’ll assist you, come on, darling, let me help, and my god, what is it, but it seems to me that it’s in a cocktail best of all, you have to laugh there, hard, pushing with your back leg, pushing with your back leg, are you interested in anything else besides fencing, of course, what is chess, when

the cubes are taken from your hands, what are you doing, sitting and what are your fingers doing at this moment, i don't know. and how old are you, did you just collect it? yes, the best, new season, tomorrow on the first. this is my friend alyosha. just recently his arm was completely paralyzed and didn't work, but now, and now i can move it in different ways, and the kids at school love it. like this. it’s clear, now in all directions, the unique development of russian scientists, exoskeletons, and not only in the program it ’s great to live, on monday on the first, we continue our musical homework, now on this stage the kvn team will show their performance negoden lati, st. petersburg, i’m watching, i’m

very cool, mom, look, when we got to the big leagues, we thought that there would be no end to the girls, but now two competitions have passed, and my lips have not yet been numb from kisses. in short, we have two options left on how to find a girl, the first is to get to know her on the street, the second is to move to a parallel universe where we already have girls. but we chose the simplest option. we move to a parallel universe in which we already have girls. oh, these look like our girls, girls, hello, actually we already have guys, what kind of jocks are they?

let's get acquainted, sergey, alexander, dmitry and the legendary stanislav, what is he legendary? well, it’s obvious, for sure, we’re in a parallel universe, which means there are copies of us here, and this is them, then i don’t understand why he has a girlfriend, and i have... no, i look just like in the mirror, you play games, yes, you watch anime, but what’s the difference between us, every morning i eat 12 eggs, clearly, a billionaire, ok, let's get out of here, yes , you stay, we'll rock you, we'll find you

girls, no, we're liberated from a beautiful body, i said, stay guys, well , stasyan, if you want to stay, stay, no, take me, well, i persuaded stasyan, we are leaving without you. by the way, where are we? so, we are in the universe of a musical, something doesn’t look like it, just look, what a wonderful day, what a wonderful day, there are no others here, everyone you meet starts singing right away.

that you didn’t expect us, that they are here, that is, we are females, sanya, what a gentle hand, like mine. i never thought that sanya would excite me. seryoga, you look great for seryoga. seryoga, don’t even try, you won’t succeed anyway. why? you don't know how to take care of yourself. yes, this is our real chance to lose our virginity. they were looking for betya and found gold. yes, no, obviously not with each other, and seryoga with dimas, dimas with sanya, sanya with seryoga. didn’t, you understand that even if this happens, we

still won’t be able to tell anyone about it, how can this happen to anyone, seryoga, dimasu, demas, sleigh, sanya, seryogi, but nothing will happen to you with any girl, but mom he says, girls should run after me in crowds, that’s right, let’s go to the universe where everything is the way mom wants, wait, sanya, i ’ll stay, it seems to me that sanya has a crush on me. damn, this is really a universe where everything is the way mom wants, there are chips outside the window shot. i love you, well groom, well groom. why am i saying this? i don't know, it just came out. stanislav irinovich. who are you? dimas and sanya. what? and mom said you died from gambling addiction? what? no, what are we here for?

you probably have a lot of girls here. oh, they ’re just running after me, lying in stacks. call them. no, they are now in stacks. they ran around. but they have no other functions. we have nothing to do here. this is a healthy fight against lgbt people, you reject them,

you offer them, hello, we would like a woman from the state, you have a certificate of 0.86 snills, photograph 3x4, fluorography 3x4, certificate two ndf. two certificates, one personal income tax, so i don’t even leave the house without these documents, take your woman, what the hell! all the testosterone is gone.

it is still domestic. can i have another one? but i won’t serve you, i don’t like you. damn, it’s like the universe is different, the mfc is the same, okay, there’s nothing to do, let’s go to another universe, yes, yes, you go, and i ’ll catch up with you, you’ve never... never caught up with anyone in your life, i’ll catch up , okay, let's go back to our universe, let's go, like this, i was looking for a girl, i lost friends, but the result is unimportant, what matters is the path and the people you go with, and if at the end of the path you

are left alone, then the conclusion suggests itself, girls suck, girls are garbage, girls are super garbage, super suck , girls suck, sanya, wrong conclusion, you didn’t notice, the most important thing is that in all the universes we were friends, well, except for mom’s universe, we died there, but we were friends, our friendship is like spider-man, across universes. if the universe is truly infinite, then there are a bunch of copies of our planet, perhaps there there are alien inhabitants, copies of dimas, stasyan and this. if the universe doesn’t suit you, you can, of course, go to another, but here friends and family are all special, you won’t find a second one like this, the boys and i and our copies are on stage, we won’t forget each other, of course, my friends and i play together great, the universe really is infinite.

and we are the first who showed an existential number in kven, existential, well , yes, we spent 6 minutes looking for ourselves and found ourselves, worthless, thank you. now this team has shown that humor is humor, but the main idea, the legendary team of st. petersburg was famous for this, i feel out of place as the chairman of the jury, perhaps all the most famous actors and directors in the world were sitting at this table, i would like to have lunch, please, only this is

pasadena, we don’t have restaurants. matador on friday at the first, say that you like my hat, you don’t have a hat, i would like to say in the future that i did everything i could in my life, a month and a half ago, the parents of lieutenant alexei turbin were killed from that moment on us arises many questions that are still unanswered

. i’ll have to follow him in action, no one in the department should know that we ’re meeting, handsome, our shooter is everywhere, explain how you manage to be the first to appear everywhere, that you’re fired up, and the investigators came to me today, asking all sorts of nonsense, why don’t you pick up the phone, i called you five times, now explain to me why you call him several times a day, including at night, undercover taxi , era since monday on the first cool cool chanson, you have to do it for a reason.

he wears. new season from april 14

on the first. we continue our musical homework on this stage, representatives of vladikavkaz, yuri ken, yuri ken, yuri ken, yuri ken! dear friends, recently the most popular musical direction is rap, it has old and new schools, and therefore there is a generational conflict, so, it’s an incident in the family, i don’t buy pies, i buy beats, so i don’t have enough money to buy a rhyme, say strap, strap, strap, strap, pow-pow, pow-pow,

so if you don’t give me this brain, i ’ll teach you how to rap, you don’t need to ask me twice, well, once you need it, that means rap, in english - in french - in belarusian - rapchik, in arabic -

you should have, it’s interesting , by the way, check out my gait, oh, cool, saddle, cool for you, let's continue, the party is calling, hello, yeah, what, good, yeah, to whom, and for me, yeah, come on, that's it. yeah, i got it, i got it, that's it, come on, yeah, that's it, i can't hear you, i'm in the store, what to take home, the texts are read to the music in the dance, we

call this that bracedance, yo, dad, y you joints. again, don’t take it off, take it off, if you had a father like that, oops, no, mixed it up, an integral part of rap is the bitbox, in english the bit box, in french - yes, i understand, but in arabic, bot bix, they they read in the opposite direction, check out my bot bix, pa, your jaw, it’s

a dumb granny, it flies out all the time, which granny, you don’t know her, now let’s go through the theory, who is the fastest? in the world by the name of yamen, when i was trying to put you little to bed, look, you see, it’s still working, damn, this is not a dream, by the way, check out my tattoo twice, stupid. these are your rappers twice, it’s clear, you understand that i’m refueling, simple. how do i them, how do i them, how do i them, what are you

doing, the stone came out, what hello, yeah, that the key is below, yeah, the handle is higher, swing, swing, opened, yeah, okay, that's it, come on, yeah, that's it , i got it, yeah, that’s it, i got it, yeah, i can’t hear you, i ’ll open the door for me downstairs, did you call the cops, no, i’m holding bags of greens in my hands, because i’m from the store, the girls are jealous of me, especially aunt zina, i’m moving my pelvis , i shake my hip. so that no one listened to what i was saying, oh wait,

this is my mother, yes, this is my bech, that belkina irina chingizovna, just think, belkin changiz. by the way, before there was a deakonova, well, game, so i attacked, damn it, why did i want to go cold, and what are you doing here? our son began to murmur. that 's enough, the boys are watching, so let's record a family meeting. let's close the family eye, little

gangster, my son, i'm proud of you, very , very much, that's enough here guys, son, listen, rock, how to read hip, how to read hop, easy, i understand son, that is, brother, try, oh, come on, ah, are you deaf, ah, faster, uh, with me, psy, we're going out. who are your dogs here? with me are my loving people, whom i respect and appreciate for everything they gave me, my dear rapper, okay, that’s enough, where have you seen a rapper have a mother, friends, don’t think, we need you to listen to rap, but

listen to your elders , this wouldn’t hurt, keep the connection between generations so that in old age your grandfather can bring you a glass of water, thank you. how will grandfather bring water? well, you want to live for 200 years, when your grandson arrives, he’s already grandfather will be great, let's go, the kvn negodin team thanks the government of st. petersburg in the person of the governor of st. petersburg alexander dmitrievich beglov and also the youth committee.

north ossetia-alania sergei ivanovich minyail, as well as the rector of the north ossetian state university named after kosta livanov khitagurov, allan uruzmagovich. we meet loved ones. in our musical

homework we want to show the adventure of robin hood, but only in our belgorod region there was an adventure not a young man in leggings, but a forty-year-old adult man who is having a midlife crisis , i want a motorcycle, what is a motorcycle? fuck knows, but to be happy i need him, and fingerless leather gloves. listen, i don’t know, robin, let’s do better as before, rob, as you said? graffiti, what kind of graffiti, what’s happening to you, lately you’ve been behaving strangely, but you’re not strange, you’re a monk, why did you go into the forest to rob people, listen, well, it’s just a long time to do all this through the monastery, there candles, calendars, then a clean

cache came out right away, a carriage is moving, wait, from afar i really thought, a carriage. get out of the way, i'm churikh natengemsky, why did all of you adults die of the plague? uh, i’m an adult, well, you don’t have a lot of hats, you don’t get vitamin d at all, you’re always in the shade, you’ll never grow up like that, and who are you, we’re rubingood’s gang, we take money from the rich and give it to the poor, and they’re blinovskaya . what kind of woman would you go to for borscht and watch the dawn naked, robin, what’s wrong with you? i don't know, it's a very strange feeling, but i want

walking with her through the market and choosing jeans, love is like a dream. will marry me to the winner, but what about second place? ha, then some kind of bullshit, leather gloves without fingers, i 'll definitely be there, marian, get ready, we 're going, robinhood, you have a letter from your wife, don't

open it, don't read it, well, that's what you're doing, what am i like busy at work, didn't see you, but sorry. what does it say, go home quickly, emoticons, brackets, yes, no, just exclamation marks, how many? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 rows, normal, worse happened, blood it is written, get ready, we are going to the tournament, the tournament has begun, at the pond, in the suburbs. for victory, the king gives his daughter, she eats pigeons, straight down and blood, and her groom expects the same thing. wow, cool! a real

archer tournament! it's even cooler than forming your own rock band! by the way, have you changed your mind? no, that’s in vain, now we’ve been traveling around the world, in thailand we were in prison. so, the archer from russia shoots first. wait, well, archers from russia are not allowed to take part. why? well, your country is big, and you piss me off. but in the 14th century at least they told the truth, yes, oh, look, table, let's get up, uh, what are you doing, don't you see, i'm catching robin hood undercover, and you happen to not be robin hood, uh, no, who then, i, gubin rot, who, well, this is

liza, don’t snail, remembers, only the mouth, mm, where are you from, from learwood shes. "there is one, yes, this is the residential complex from the peak, they didn’t even put a name on the house there, okay, there’s just a reward of 100 gold on his head. oh, a whole dollar, a whole dollar, the king’s word, i say the king’s word, but no , let's go without me, i got stuck in the cart for something, robin, you came, i missed you so much, yes, yes, me too, you saw the gloves, they actually exist, it’s not a scam, they exist, i saw them, ugh, i did something to be honest, i was nervous, are there any guys? rarely, i'll take four, okay, only robin hood can shoot like that, grab him, at this time

in the square before the execution, for your green eyes, everyone called you a witch, who's next to be punished, robin, well, tell me what you reposted, you, yes, what kind of executioner are you, by the way, not a single bad review, the robber robin hood is sentenced to execution, for leaving home without asking and not answering his wife, wait, aren’t you executing me for theft, this is the year of the family , no one cares about theft, here you are, the creature of the forest, let’s slash, she’ll kill me now, nope. if you are executed, i’ll tear your head off, i came here, what did you say when you left, i’ll rob you for a couple of hours and come back, you’ve been gone for 9

years, well, forgive me, in every man’s life there are periods when he’s looking for himself, i ’ll understand you , if you leave me, what a fool you are, here you go, fingerless leather gloves, thank you, my love, okay, let's go, home, i have such a branch there with a breeze, it’s called a motorcycle, the river is wide, the river is deep, you can’t swim from that bank, we’ve been entering this river for the second year, we’re sure that we’ll be lucky, we’ll be lucky, we’re very happy... let's say to iskrin that we are here for everyone, close people, but this year we will guarantee that

we will become loved by all of you, but not a performance, a fairy tale, thank you loved ones. the watered one knocked, here it is love, this was the final musical homework for today, friends, teams for you today we tried all evening, let's also try and greet them on this stage with loud applause, the stage team.

well, before we see the scores for this competition, we will understand who took first place, who goes to the next round, who we will say goodbye to, of course, i would like to hear, listen to the impressions of the respected jury members about today's game. good evening, hello, congratulations to all the teams that played today on the start of your season in the major leagues, you are already at the top, this is already cool, i want to point out, ossetian, here you are officially declares that only ossetians can joke like that, this is a rare combination of relaxedness and education, well done guys. good humor and congratulations to all the teams, thank you very much for the game, i like it, thank you, vadim golygin, good evening, friends,

a good start to the season, well, yuriken, let's applaud, because everyone is trying to fight somewhere within the framework of classic kvn, they are like they came in with original humor, and i keep thinking whether they have enough strength, well, for now they have enough, the team, here are the girls, little ones, let’s do it too... because today some my grades were too high, but i can say that a lot depended on her answers in the warm-up, and as for the negodnov team.

they made an amazing addition that simply changed the whole task, you played completely differently, today you expanded in my eyes to the size of the universe, yuriken, keep it up, well done everyone, kamilla valieva, good evening, but i want to say that this is my first time on quina, thank you very much to all the teams, because...

so, please, dear members of the jury, please prepare and show your scores team spikelet. 4, 4, 4, 5, 5, 4.4 points, and the overall score for the entire game is 11.8. next,

ratings for the kvn team. all judges 5 points and the total score - 13.2 points, close, belgorod region 4, 5, 4, 5, 5, 4.6 overall. kvn team yuriken blatikavkaz five five five five five points exactly the total score for the three competitions 13.8 points team ruden moscow three.

4 4 5 4 4 points exactly and the total score for three competitions is 13 points exactly. the winner of today's game is the juriken vladikavkaz team. also qualifying for the quarterfinals teams. team negodin, st. petersburg, took second place. the ruden moscow team and the kvn team near the belgorod region, unfortunately, the kolosok team lost, guys, don’t be upset, no matter how trivial it may sound, you really still have everything ahead, friends, this is the major league of kvn, the season is just beginning, see you in third 1/8 finals

of the major league on channel one, bye! five, four, three, two, one, official top! we come up with our own fears and make them come true ourselves. if you turn off those areas of the brain where memories and neuroses of trauma reside, then

a person gains superpowers.

listen marin julia gave me this book to read. i will help with money for the apartment and in general, if necessary, i will help, don’t worry, i can handle it.

mom, just don’t skimp on yourself there and far away. don’t swim, otherwise we know you, don’t swim too far here either, don’t worry about us, and also mom, have a blast there, well, i mean, have a good rest, that’s it, someone help, well,

someone help something, a person is feeling bad, well, help, someone, well, help, my husband is there, and his heart, his husband was there on the mattress, his heart was sick,

and what was there below? titanic, the local passage sank three years ago, there is no money, there is no one to lift it, it lies there, okay. i'll swim and lift your titanic.

why? how why? 32 meters on the first try? have you either freediving before or are you just kidding me? i'm just a soviet schoolyard. what will happen to us again tomorrow? worth a new record? home tomorrow! listen, come to the

russian championship in moscow, set a record, my championship ended a long time ago, but right there it’s not about the champion and not about the records, what if you suddenly dive to 80 m, although no, to 100, huh? not a single woman in the world has dived 100 m, not alone.

true, not true, what is truth , there is no truth, mom, you're back, yes, sleep, son, sleep, how everything was there, wonderful, everything was, i'll tell you tomorrow, sleep, tell me now, come on, come to me. there was a sunken

ship in the depths of the sea.

as i understand it, you don’t even say hello to me anymore. i said hello. what? i say that i said hello, you just didn’t hear. oh, so i'm deaf. i can you myself service. and i have enough pensions, above the rooftops, and you with your situation, what a situation, well, all this is a divorce, how will you now live alone with the children, but we somehow lived with

my mother without you. hello! to the start i...

yes, hello, marin, hello, ignat, i’m going, diving, i’m going to the championship, i knew that you would go, and this is a must, yes, mom,

i think it’s kind of stupid- then maybe it’s stupidity, or maybe not, at all. we were going to the ankin concert, yes, i remember, it’s just that everything changed, well, don’t be offended, please, i next time i’ll definitely go, now sashka will pass for me for you, sashka is already going for himself, oh well, i’ll go in a funny way, disgrace myself quickly back, and for now you ’ll have a blast without me. 75 years ago , an organization was created whose only goal was the destruction of our country, nato members made their plans according to the standards of the wehrmacht, built their support system, logistics, in fact, it was the fourth reich and continues

to remain so. gorbachev, let's be frank, was simply deceived when nuclear weapons carriers were destroyed, slaughtered under the supervision of american specialists. our nuclear submarine cruisers, it still defies any logical explanation, it is extremely important for them that everyone signs in blood that they are all participating in the fight against russia, what they did with... with ukraine over the past few years , this is a monstrous situation, the only question is how they now evaluate this test of strength, they say they need to hide for several years and prepare even better, or continue aggression against russia right now and expand the conflict to the baltic, for example, the state, so what do you think they will choose? premiere, big story, tomorrow after the evening news.